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Massive Communication Breakdown .... what should I do now?!

Posted by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 1:36 PM
  • 6 Replies

My long term boyfriend and I had a major falling out about a month ago regarding me always asking about his whereabouts when he's not with me.   We got back together and everything was fine and he was opening up to me until I went off the deep end again and started to question his every move.   Now the silence has started again and he open up to me at all.  

I have tried to not concern myself with his time alone and realize that he has to have his space.  Yet, I am very mistrusting because of a previous abusive marriage and I am not able to trust anyone at any time in my life.   What can I do to fix this....again?    Any suggestions?    I am wondering if I should do journaling or something to keep myself from questioning his every move because I think that if we break up again there's no going back.   I truly do not want to lose this man.

by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 1:36 PM
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by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 2:48 PM
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hugsMy ex cheated on me - with everyone including my BF, so I became obsessed with knowing EVERYTHING he was doing. I finally learned that IF he's going to cheat, he'll find a way (and he did).

I've learned so much since then, but the main thing is, he's with YOU because he WANTS to be with you!!! What exactly don't you trust him with? Cheating? money? has he ever given you reason to distrust him?

Perhaps him being consistent and showing you he' s trust worthy will help? You already see what it's doing to your relationship by not trusting him. What is the worse thing that can happen? You'll break up? You already think it's going that way, so what do you have to loose?

I took a huge leep of faith ten years ago, and he's never given me reason to regret it!

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by Leah on Jul. 23, 2012 at 3:29 PM

 has your bf given you any reason to think he's doing something shady? or is all being taken from your past relationship? I have trust issues myself from several bad relationships, which has turned into keeping myself single for a couple of years now.

by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 3:30 PM
Talk to a therapist. After a couple sessions bring him into it and discuss your insecurities.
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by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 3:33 PM
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My first marriage was an abusive one. When I married my 2nd husband every time he yelled I winced and jumped. This lasted about 3 months. I entered counseling and was able to recognize that Wayne (2nd hubby) is allowed to get mad and sometimes his anger is scarry to me because of what I had been through. You might have PTSD, get some counseling for this. It will help. Try to seperate what happened to you from what is happening to you now.

by on Jul. 23, 2012 at 3:34 PM
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I've been cheated on so I understand.  But every person is different. I would go to therapy to heal from your previous relationship.  Something that helps me is to ask myself if my thoughts or feeling are rational.  Journaling helps too because I can get a lot of my anger out and then I can make sense of the situation.

by Group Admin on Jul. 23, 2012 at 4:00 PM
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you are going to have to open up and trust this man if you want it to work. he has given you no reason that you said to not trust him. you are not in that same abusive relationship anymore. be careful you dont push him away.

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