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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

I can't believe dh

Posted by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 9:09 AM
  • 18 Replies

Dh started bickering with me when we go home after his work (which I drive him to and from, 2 towns over btw).

I am so done with it.  I am having a rough time but he doesn't get it.  He doesn't believe in meds because all of his issues have been directly situational. 

He couldn't even bring him to say I have a mental illness last night.  I asked him to accept just that, not even being specific that I am bipolar.  He tells me I am mean and nasty I don't ever help anyone and I can't let the past go.  This is really not true.

I was seriously ready to take my son and leave last night.  I told him not to sleep in our bed last night but he refused.  That made me feel like my space was in a way violated. I just need my space so I could think about things before exploding.  I tried to talk calmly with him.

He won't go to marriage counseling, but he occasionally comes to my therapy, usually to tell the therapist how awful and unpredictable I am and how its all about me.

by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 9:09 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Aug. 19, 2012 at 9:26 AM

 if he wont go to marriage counseling i wouldnt let him sit in on my therapy visits. how insesitive of him. im sorry he upset you and i would get sick of that drive too. he really needs to get his license back.

matreshka
by Ruby Member on Aug. 19, 2012 at 9:31 AM

Yeah.  I initially thought that going to my therapy sessions would help give him some understanding of me, and maybe some more enlightenment that not all therapists are quacks but it didn't.  I thought it could also help us talk about some issues but he just ended throwing the blame my way (My therapist and I had a long talk about that afterwards).

I am sooo freaking sick of being a taxi service. I'm barely talking to him today and we have his family reunion to go to, I don't want to go.  I can't mask my emotions.

Guess who's driving lol

Quoting lyrick24:

 if he wont go to marriage counseling i wouldnt let him sit in on my therapy visits. how insesitive of him. im sorry he upset you and i would get sick of that drive too. he really needs to get his license back.


elwalters77
by Erica on Aug. 19, 2012 at 9:52 AM
I'm sorry he is being so insensitive. It is so frustrating!
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fawhna
by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 1:26 PM

Yeah, that sounds familair to me. lolol Men don't get it. This situation will pass, back up or leave out for awhile don't explode around them. That's what I do now, I leave asap UNTILL the inner storm within me calms down, i just go. Exploding isn't good for us,it takes us further pass self-control.For exploding isn't the solution for me.

ashleighmama
by Ashleigh on Aug. 19, 2012 at 1:36 PM
Ya, I agree, he shouldnt be allowed to go to any more of your counseling sessions, it clearly not helping your situation. Does your therapist tell him that you ARE mentally ill and tht you do not CHOOSE to be this way? In theory him going with you sounds great for the reasons you stated, but men are so thick headed! Im sorry youre going through this, I know how much having an unsupportive dh SUCKS! Ive never known a man that understands or even really believes in mental illness. Its like they think we CHOOSE to be depressed, to be manic, to have our moods and feelings all over the place, and that we CHOOSE to be bitchy. They need to realize that they contribute to it. Im sorry mama, I hope things start looking up for you, youve been having such a rough time. Hugs to you :-)
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twistandshout
by on Aug. 19, 2012 at 11:00 PM

 I know how tiresome it can be to have to drive someone around because they lost driving privileges. It is a burden I never want again. I really things work out for you. Men are usually all about smile minithemselves. Not all but most. Don't let him hurt your feelings. It is hard for people who don't understand mental illness to be supportive. Feel better girl.

Serenitymom
by Bronze Member on Aug. 20, 2012 at 12:40 AM

 Ya know its funny though that they except that women have mood swings with their mentral cycles! (The ones that I've known anyway) but they cant accept that people can be out of control of their emotions otherwise. I dont know your dh very well but it almost seems as though he's pretty negative as well. Maybe he's throwing a reflection of himself on you too on top of "how you are"... (I put that in quotes just because I dont really know how you are but it was more from his perspective that you've described.)

mrsvixen
by Gold Member on Aug. 20, 2012 at 1:12 AM
*hugs*
Naturewoman4
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 3:35 AM

My husband & I were separated once, for 1 yr.  Marriage is a real challenge at times.  My husband & I have been married for 32 yrs.  (wow, can't believe we made it that long lol).  I truly thought I wanted a divorce.  Our separation helped A LOT, for me it was something I needed to do.  Actually, imo it saved our marriage.  We went to marriage counseling, & that really helped as well.  I'm only speaking for myself ok, but IF my husband refused to go I really believe I would of divorced him.  Because, it wouldn't of shown committment on his part. 

My husband doesn't believe in Mental Illnesses either.  I mean he does believe those that are 'severely' Mentally Ill.  I think I can write a book on marriage.  lol.  Sometimes, I wish I could go back & re-do a few things.  I wish I would of spoke up more.  But, while raising our kids, I guess I wanted them to have a 'Happy' Childhood.  Didn't do all the fighting, etc.  Sometimes, it's easier said than done.  We can look from the outside, in the inside of another person's marriage, but when it comes to ours I think we wouldn't even take our own advice.  So, it's good to have outsider.

  I WOULD speak up NOW, & NOT let it fester up inside of you.  Trust me, I know.  The reason why my husband & I separated yrs. ago, was because I DIDN'T speak up & I DIDN'T put my foot down.  Till it was ALMOST to late & I ask for a divorce.  I believe you HAVE to ask for what you want/need.  Tell him EXACTLY what you want from him.  DON'T take 'no' for an answer.  It just gets harder down the road in your marriage.  I would tell him HE IS going to Marriage Counseling with you.  Also, that YOU aren't going to be driving him back & forth any longer. 

tinkerbellp
by on Aug. 20, 2012 at 3:41 AM
Just pray to the man upstairs hopefully things will get better for u sweetie
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