Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

Falling apart

Posted by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 5:12 PM
  • 10 Replies

 I feel like I'm falling apart and like my family is falling apart. I am so worn down and upset lately. My son will be a month old tomarrow and I feel like I should be happy, but instead all I can think is how long is he going to scream. When he screams and cries for soooo long I get mad and then I cry b/c I get mad at someone who doesn't understand that I am trying everything I can to make him happy. He is the world to me and I would never hurt him, but sometimes I think about terrible things like shaking him or putting a blanket on him so I can't hear him anymore. It tears me up inside b/c I love him so much, but I feel like he doesn't understand that...or I get so tired or so worn out from taking care of the house and Braydon that I get cranky and my husband and I argue all night...all I want is my family to be happy. I'm so afraid that Braydon won't be a happy baby b/c I'm not happy and I wouldn't be able to live with myself if that happened. I love him so much.

~Daddy's Little Bam Beana all grown up~

by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 5:12 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Meg2011425
by Bronze Member on Aug. 24, 2012 at 5:22 PM
Is he allergic to his food? Formula or breastmilk? My son was allergic to cows milk protein so he was put on nutramigen formula. He was screamer and got bad gas issues. Also had colic. If he's colic, rub his back instead of pat it to burp him. Also burp after every ounce.

To relieve gas lay him down across your knees and keep pressure on his tummy. let him play on the floor laying on his tummy for a few minutes on a blanket or something.

These are all things I've done to help my son. He's now 3.5 and is a happy child. After four months of screaming and everything he got to be a healthy happy baby. Give it time. If you have ppd or think you do talk to your doctor. Congrats on your new baby.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mommy425906
by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 5:40 PM


Have you been to the doc about all this yet? ... Believe me when I say, I understand!! I've had PPD/Anxiety twice. With my first it wasn't too bad & didn't last long. But my second, my daughter, it has been a nightmare! Partly because she was a very high need baby - had constant horrible gas pains, never slept, had to be held all the time. Breast feeding was a disaster w/both kids. The guilt of not breast feeding was pretty bad both times which didn't help the PPD ... I'm on good meds and see a doc regularly. So I'm able to function day to day ok. But on bad days, like today for example, I feel just like you said - worn down! I also still have issues w/anger & rage. I hardly ever express it, usually I'll just break down & cry to relieve the tension. But sometimes that anger just boils up inside & I want to just shake my kids when they don't listen, or when my toddler is asking for something I said no to already 100 times! Its scary, I know. And then after thinking that I feel so guilty, then depressed ... I don't mention these thoughts to my husband out of fear of what he'll think. I have never physically harmed my children but just having that occasional though is disturbing.

mommy425906
by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 5:43 PM

Do you have any family or friends around that can help with the baby/house? Or do you have any extra money that could go towards hiring someone to do that once in a while? Nothing major, just a few hours here & there so you get a break.

SammyD1
by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 5:46 PM

 Thank you so much. He is the world to me. I do think I have ppd pretty bad, but my app isn't until the 31st. For a while I didn't want to talk to anyone about it. I was afraid they would think that I would actually hurt my baby or that I was a bad mom. This is my first baby and I never expected to be this unhappy with the whole world in my arms. I really hope that he isn't allergic to his food. I am lactose intolerant so it is probably possible. Idk how to tell if that is what is wrong since the only thing he does to communicate is cry. I do burp him every ounce. I just got some gas drops to try to see if it helps. I try to talk to my husband, but I never feel like he cares or understands...I feel selfish, but sometimes I wish he could feel my hurt so he would get me.

Quoting Meg2011425:

Is he allergic to his food? Formula or breastmilk? My son was allergic to cows milk protein so he was put on nutramigen formula. He was screamer and got bad gas issues. Also had colic. If he's colic, rub his back instead of pat it to burp him. Also burp after every ounce.

To relieve gas lay him down across your knees and keep pressure on his tummy. let him play on the floor laying on his tummy for a few minutes on a blanket or something.

These are all things I've done to help my son. He's now 3.5 and is a happy child. After four months of screaming and everything he got to be a healthy happy baby. Give it time. If you have ppd or think you do talk to your doctor. Congrats on your new baby.

 

~Daddy's Little Bam Beana all grown up~

SammyD1
by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 5:55 PM

 This actually made me tear up...it's like you took the words right out of my mouth. I'm a mess. I have tried to talk to my husband, but I feel like he doesn't understand. He doesn't know the exact thoughts (the shaking and blanket) that I have had, but he knows how broken down and worn I feel. I never thought I could have such thought about a baby. I hate that I feel this way for something I have so much love for. I just want it to go away. I don't go to the dr until the 31st. I'm ashamed and embarrassed and don't even know if I will be able to open up to the dr...I don't want him to think I'm unfit to take care of Braydon.

Quoting mommy425906:


Have you been to the doc about all this yet? ... Believe me when I say, I understand!! I've had PPD/Anxiety twice. With my first it wasn't too bad & didn't last long. But my second, my daughter, it has been a nightmare! Partly because she was a very high need baby - had constant horrible gas pains, never slept, had to be held all the time. Breast feeding was a disaster w/both kids. The guilt of not breast feeding was pretty bad both times which didn't help the PPD ... I'm on good meds and see a doc regularly. So I'm able to function day to day ok. But on bad days, like today for example, I feel just like you said - worn down! I also still have issues w/anger & rage. I hardly ever express it, usually I'll just break down & cry to relieve the tension. But sometimes that anger just boils up inside & I want to just shake my kids when they don't listen, or when my toddler is asking for something I said no to already 100 times! Its scary, I know. And then after thinking that I feel so guilty, then depressed ... I don't mention these thoughts to my husband out of fear of what he'll think. I have never physically harmed my children but just having that occasional though is disturbing.

 

~Daddy's Little Bam Beana all grown up~

SammyD1
by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 6:06 PM

 No...my family all lives 1 1/2 hours or farther away and my son is so young I fussy that I am too nervous to leave him alone with anyone; especially someone I don't know. My husband works at a jail all week and then a second job on the weekends...I'm all alone til the evenings so it's hard to catch a break. When he gets home I have to cook supper and he's still learning how to be a dad so he asks me for help a lot, which is frustrating since he only has like 4 hours or so to deal with the baby before we lay him down! I don't wake him in the night b/c he works so early so I watch the baby all day and night pretty much. It's just so tiring and gets to me so badly I can't help, but bawl!

Quoting mommy425906:

Do you have any family or friends around that can help with the baby/house? Or do you have any extra money that could go towards hiring someone to do that once in a while? Nothing major, just a few hours here & there so you get a break.

 

~Daddy's Little Bam Beana all grown up~

mommy425906
by on Aug. 24, 2012 at 6:29 PM
1 mom liked this

So I'm assuming the doc visit on the 31st is your normal 6 wk postpartum checkup w/ur ob? My symptoms didn't show up until my kids were around 3 mos old. That has to be really tough to be going through this so soon. My husband understands to an extent - I think to the best of his ability. Unless you're going through it I don't think anyone can REALLY understand. But if they can empathize & sympathize that will go a long ways. How is your relationship overall if you don't mind me asking?

Since I'm in the same boat I will be totally honest & frank with you - this won't just go away. You have to tell your doc what's going on - not just for the sake of your well being, but also for your family's. And if these thoughts/feelings worsen at all don't hesitate to call & ask to be seen sooner than the 31st. If you're little guy is a month old that's going past the 'baby blues' time frame. Obviously I'm not a doctor & can't diagnose you but I would bet you have some sort of PPD/Anxiety. It just sounds so familiar ... You need to try & really truly believe in your heart you are NOT the only one going through this. So many moms are fighting the same battle, some with even more severe symptoms than ours. Remember you will not be the first patient your doctor will hear this type of concern from. I'm sure he/she has dealt with plenty of patients regarding PPD. 

It took me months to really bond with my daughter because of this monster. I resented her for being so needy. Sometimes I would hate holding her because it made me claustraphobic. All that has gone away now. Don't misunderstand, I've ALWAYS loved my daughter more than life - it just took a long time to really feel connected to her. To really start enjoying being her mom.

So when you go to the doctor keep thinking in your head 'It is just NOT an option to keep all this from him/her'. I have to say something.' ... You're a new mom, you have the right to enjoy this time! Getting some help, whether it meds/counseling/whatever, will let you do that.

You should visit the Postpartum Progress website. It is amazing! It really helped me.


 This actually made me tear up...it's like you took the words right out of my mouth. I'm a mess. I have tried to talk to my husband, but I feel like he doesn't understand. He doesn't know the exact thoughts (the shaking and blanket) that I have had, but he knows how broken down and worn I feel. I never thought I could have such thought about a baby. I hate that I feel this way for something I have so much love for. I just want it to go away. I don't go to the dr until the 31st. I'm ashamed and embarrassed and don't even know if I will be able to open up to the dr...I don't want him to think I'm unfit to take care of Braydon.

Quoting mommy425906:


Have you been to the doc about all this yet? ... Believe me when I say, I understand!! I've had PPD/Anxiety twice. With my first it wasn't too bad & didn't last long. But my second, my daughter, it has been a nightmare! Partly because she was a very high need baby - had constant horrible gas pains, never slept, had to be held all the time. Breast feeding was a disaster w/both kids. The guilt of not breast feeding was pretty bad both times which didn't help the PPD ... I'm on good meds and see a doc regularly. So I'm able to function day to day ok. But on bad days, like today for example, I feel just like you said - worn down! I also still have issues w/anger & rage. I hardly ever express it, usually I'll just break down & cry to relieve the tension. But sometimes that anger just boils up inside & I want to just shake my kids when they don't listen, or when my toddler is asking for something I said no to already 100 times! Its scary, I know. And then after thinking that I feel so guilty, then depressed ... I don't mention these thoughts to my husband out of fear of what he'll think. I have never physically harmed my children but just having that occasional though is disturbing.

 


SammyD1
by on Aug. 25, 2012 at 10:05 PM

 Yes the 31st is my normal 6 week pp checkup. I do hate feeling this way b/c I do want my family to be happy and I want to feel good about being a mom, but it's hard to feel good about being a mom when it's always an emotional stuggle as well as a physical one!

I am the kind of person that stresses very easily and I have panic attacks if my stress level gets too high, so it wouldn't surprise me at all if that is what is wrong. I know it is best to talk to the dr about these things, but it is something I can't help but feel embarrassed about.

What is the postpartum site? Is it here on cafemoms? Or a different website all together? Thank you for being so caring and helpful! I appreciate it sooooo much!

Quoting mommy425906:

So I'm assuming the doc visit on the 31st is your normal 6 wk postpartum checkup w/ur ob? My symptoms didn't show up until my kids were around 3 mos old. That has to be really tough to be going through this so soon. My husband understands to an extent - I think to the best of his ability. Unless you're going through it I don't think anyone can REALLY understand. But if they can empathize & sympathize that will go a long ways. How is your relationship overall if you don't mind me asking?

Since I'm in the same boat I will be totally honest & frank with you - this won't just go away. You have to tell your doc what's going on - not just for the sake of your well being, but also for your family's. And if these thoughts/feelings worsen at all don't hesitate to call & ask to be seen sooner than the 31st. If you're little guy is a month old that's going past the 'baby blues' time frame. Obviously I'm not a doctor & can't diagnose you but I would bet you have some sort of PPD/Anxiety. It just sounds so familiar ... You need to try & really truly believe in your heart you are NOT the only one going through this. So many moms are fighting the same battle, some with even more severe symptoms than ours. Remember you will not be the first patient your doctor will hear this type of concern from. I'm sure he/she has dealt with plenty of patients regarding PPD. 

It took me months to really bond with my daughter because of this monster. I resented her for being so needy. Sometimes I would hate holding her because it made me claustraphobic. All that has gone away now. Don't misunderstand, I've ALWAYS loved my daughter more than life - it just took a long time to really feel connected to her. To really start enjoying being her mom.

So when you go to the doctor keep thinking in your head 'It is just NOT an option to keep all this from him/her'. I have to say something.' ... You're a new mom, you have the right to enjoy this time! Getting some help, whether it meds/counseling/whatever, will let you do that.

You should visit the Postpartum Progress website. It is amazing! It really helped me.

 

 This actually made me tear up...it's like you took the words right out of my mouth. I'm a mess. I have tried to talk to my husband, but I feel like he doesn't understand. He doesn't know the exact thoughts (the shaking and blanket) that I have had, but he knows how broken down and worn I feel. I never thought I could have such thought about a baby. I hate that I feel this way for something I have so much love for. I just want it to go away. I don't go to the dr until the 31st. I'm ashamed and embarrassed and don't even know if I will be able to open up to the dr...I don't want him to think I'm unfit to take care of Braydon.

Quoting mommy425906:


Have you been to the doc about all this yet? ... Believe me when I say, I understand!! I've had PPD/Anxiety twice. With my first it wasn't too bad & didn't last long. But my second, my daughter, it has been a nightmare! Partly because she was a very high need baby - had constant horrible gas pains, never slept, had to be held all the time. Breast feeding was a disaster w/both kids. The guilt of not breast feeding was pretty bad both times which didn't help the PPD ... I'm on good meds and see a doc regularly. So I'm able to function day to day ok. But on bad days, like today for example, I feel just like you said - worn down! I also still have issues w/anger & rage. I hardly ever express it, usually I'll just break down & cry to relieve the tension. But sometimes that anger just boils up inside & I want to just shake my kids when they don't listen, or when my toddler is asking for something I said no to already 100 times! Its scary, I know. And then after thinking that I feel so guilty, then depressed ... I don't mention these thoughts to my husband out of fear of what he'll think. I have never physically harmed my children but just having that occasional though is disturbing.

 

 

 

~Daddy's Little Bam Beana all grown up~

mikala76
by Michelle on Aug. 26, 2012 at 8:44 AM
1 mom liked this
Oh momma... I send you so many hugs. You have some great advice here, all I would add is when you do feel like hurting your son place him in a safe environment (i.e. a crib), and walk out of the house. Just sit outside the house (close by so you can hear him cry), and take a few breathers. My thoughts are with you.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
mommy425906
by on Aug. 26, 2012 at 1:35 PM
1 mom liked this

The website is www.postpartumprogress.com. The woman who started it is all about spreading info & awareness about PPD. Definitely check it out!

I'm the same way with stress. My husband is the calm one of our marriage - he never gets stressed or worked up about anything it seems! Me, not so much! LOL ... When you go to the doc just say you think you are experiencing symptoms of ppd. That's all. They will ask you questions and you just answer them as honestly as you can. You don't need to have a huge long therapy session - just let them know the general feelings your having. 

And like someone else said earlier - give yourself a 'time out' if you start having those really scary thoughts. If your son is already crying & fussy, letting him cry & fuss in his crib alone for a few minutes by himself won't hurt him. Then go outside for a few minutes and take a breather. 


Quoting SammyD1:

 Yes the 31st is my normal 6 week pp checkup. I do hate feeling this way b/c I do want my family to be happy and I want to feel good about being a mom, but it's hard to feel good about being a mom when it's always an emotional stuggle as well as a physical one!

I am the kind of person that stresses very easily and I have panic attacks if my stress level gets too high, so it wouldn't surprise me at all if that is what is wrong. I know it is best to talk to the dr about these things, but it is something I can't help but feel embarrassed about.

What is the postpartum site? Is it here on cafemoms? Or a different website all together? Thank you for being so caring and helpful! I appreciate it sooooo much!

Quoting mommy425906:

So I'm assuming the doc visit on the 31st is your normal 6 wk postpartum checkup w/ur ob? My symptoms didn't show up until my kids were around 3 mos old. That has to be really tough to be going through this so soon. My husband understands to an extent - I think to the best of his ability. Unless you're going through it I don't think anyone can REALLY understand. But if they can empathize & sympathize that will go a long ways. How is your relationship overall if you don't mind me asking?

Since I'm in the same boat I will be totally honest & frank with you - this won't just go away. You have to tell your doc what's going on - not just for the sake of your well being, but also for your family's. And if these thoughts/feelings worsen at all don't hesitate to call & ask to be seen sooner than the 31st. If you're little guy is a month old that's going past the 'baby blues' time frame. Obviously I'm not a doctor & can't diagnose you but I would bet you have some sort of PPD/Anxiety. It just sounds so familiar ... You need to try & really truly believe in your heart you are NOT the only one going through this. So many moms are fighting the same battle, some with even more severe symptoms than ours. Remember you will not be the first patient your doctor will hear this type of concern from. I'm sure he/she has dealt with plenty of patients regarding PPD. 

It took me months to really bond with my daughter because of this monster. I resented her for being so needy. Sometimes I would hate holding her because it made me claustraphobic. All that has gone away now. Don't misunderstand, I've ALWAYS loved my daughter more than life - it just took a long time to really feel connected to her. To really start enjoying being her mom.

So when you go to the doctor keep thinking in your head 'It is just NOT an option to keep all this from him/her'. I have to say something.' ... You're a new mom, you have the right to enjoy this time! Getting some help, whether it meds/counseling/whatever, will let you do that.

You should visit the Postpartum Progress website. It is amazing! It really helped me.


 This actually made me tear up...it's like you took the words right out of my mouth. I'm a mess. I have tried to talk to my husband, but I feel like he doesn't understand. He doesn't know the exact thoughts (the shaking and blanket) that I have had, but he knows how broken down and worn I feel. I never thought I could have such thought about a baby. I hate that I feel this way for something I have so much love for. I just want it to go away. I don't go to the dr until the 31st. I'm ashamed and embarrassed and don't even know if I will be able to open up to the dr...I don't want him to think I'm unfit to take care of Braydon.

Quoting mommy425906:


Have you been to the doc about all this yet? ... Believe me when I say, I understand!! I've had PPD/Anxiety twice. With my first it wasn't too bad & didn't last long. But my second, my daughter, it has been a nightmare! Partly because she was a very high need baby - had constant horrible gas pains, never slept, had to be held all the time. Breast feeding was a disaster w/both kids. The guilt of not breast feeding was pretty bad both times which didn't help the PPD ... I'm on good meds and see a doc regularly. So I'm able to function day to day ok. But on bad days, like today for example, I feel just like you said - worn down! I also still have issues w/anger & rage. I hardly ever express it, usually I'll just break down & cry to relieve the tension. But sometimes that anger just boils up inside & I want to just shake my kids when they don't listen, or when my toddler is asking for something I said no to already 100 times! Its scary, I know. And then after thinking that I feel so guilty, then depressed ... I don't mention these thoughts to my husband out of fear of what he'll think. I have never physically harmed my children but just having that occasional though is disturbing.

 


 


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)