Ladies, I need some advice (long rant)
So, I'm a victim of sexual assault and have struggled with depression ever since I was 13. I have been on medications, but I hate how they make me feel, so I resorted to seeing a therapist and found it much more useful, although I'm picky about who I see. It's been over a year since I've seen one and I was feeling very good. That was then.
This is now. I'm currently pregnant and in my second trimester. I moved an hour away from my friends and job to be with DH but becaues of financial problems, we ended up living with his parents and brothers for awhile. Awhile turned into a longer while when I was told I had pregnancy complications that made it unsafe for me to work. So, I quit my job to keep my baby. Then, my DH wrecked my car and insurance won't cover it. The damages are upwards of $3000, so we haven't gotten the money to fix it yet. It was a gift from my grandparents, the only thing they've ever given me. I'd only had it since my birthday in October, so I was devestated. I couldn't go and make the drive to see my friends so most of them stopped really contacting me. Really good friends huh? Anyways, I just ended up stranded in the house and being bullied by his parents. DH was stressed, claiming he felt like he was doing everything "alone". I'm sick of him not realizing that I help out. Just because I don't work, doesn't mean I do nothing. I run the house, take care of his brothers, deal with the pregnancy, and cater to him. He started really ignoring me except when he wanted something. He'd continually run off with his brothers and leave me out. Slowly, I fell farther and farther back into the depression I've fought off for so long.
I feel like I've given up everything. I didn't plan this baby and I'm starting to struggle with negative thoughts about not wanting it at all. DH isn't really supportive. He cares about the baby, but he doesn't ever ask how I am or anything. Same with my depression, that he knows I have. I can't get him to spend time with me anymore and I don't know what to do. We had a talk that finally made things a little clearer to him I think and things improved until today.
Today, I woke up to being kicked out of my house. I was given no warning, just told I had to go. Apparently, I'm not "pulling my weight" which is ridiculous because all I do is cater to everyone here. They didn't end up kicking me out, but I feel very insecure now and it's stressful. When will they? What if I mess up just one time and I'm homeless? WHat's more, his brother's apparently have told his parents that they can't stand me and I'm bossy. Today is the last day I do anything for them, that's for sure. Their parents can step up and handle it. I also learned today that DH didn't make the car payment on my car, that we can't even drive cause it's still broken, and they called trying to take the car and sue me. DH didn't seem to care at all about it. He just continued to sleep. I dealt with it.
My relationship falling apart, finances falling apart, no longer have any independence, lost my car and job and friends, having a baby I'm not prepared for, and living in a house where I'm being threatened and made unwelcome. I'm beyond being able to handle this. I don't know what to do and I'm starting to worry that the stress of everything is going to be really bad for my baby.
Oh, and my family can't help. There are few remaining alive and those that are are across the country. I'm alone here, since my parents died.
I'm not sure what I'm looking for. I needed to rant, but I need someone to give me something to hold on to. I'm going to see a therapist next week, but right now...I'm falling apart. I've always been able to pull myself out of the dark depression thoughts. Not this time. They are consuming me and I don't know how to make them go away.