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Suicide? Imagine this...

Posted by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 2:32 PM
  • 17 Replies
2 moms liked this

You come home from school one day. You’ve had yet another horrible day. You’re just ready to give up. So you go to your room, close the door, and take out that suicide note you’ve written and rewritten over and over and over. You take out those razor blades, and cut for the very last time. You grab that bottle of pills and take them all. Laying down, holding the letter to your chest, you close your eyes for the very last time. A few hours later, your little brother knocks on your door to come tell you dinners ready. You don’t answer, so he walks in. All he sees is you laying on your bed, so he thinks you’re asleep. He tells your mom this. Your mom goes to your room to wake you up. She notices something is odd. She grabs the paper in your hand and reads it. Sobbing, she tries to wake you up. She’s screaming your name. Your brother, so confused, runs to go tell Dad that “Mommy is crying and sissy won’t wake up.” Your dad runs to your room. He looks at your mom, crying, holding the letter to her chest, sitting next to your lifeless body. It hits him, what’s going on, and he screams. He screams and throws something at the wall. And then, falling to his knees, he starts to cry. Your mom crawls over to him, and they sit there, holding each other, crying. The next day at school, there’s an announcement. The principal tells everyone about your suicide. It takes a few seconds for it to sink in, and once it does, everyone goes silent. Everyone blames themselves. Your teachers think they were too hard on you. Those mean popular girls, they think of all the things they’ve said to you. That boy that used to tease you and call you names, he can’t help but hate himself for never telling you how beautiful you really are. Your ex boyfriend, the one that you told everything to, that broke up with you.. He can’t handle it. He breaks down and starts crying, and runs out of the school. Your friends? They’re sobbing too, wondering how they could never see that anything was wrong, wishing they could have helped you before it was too late. And your best friend? She’s in shock. She can’t believe it. She knew what you were going through, but she never thought it would get that bad… Bad enough for you to end it. She can’t cry, she can’t feel anything. She stands up, walks out of the classroom, and just sinks to the floor. Shaking, screaming, but no tears coming out. It’s a few days later, at your funeral. The whole town came. Everyone knew you, that girl with the bright smile and bubbly personality. The one that was always there for them, the shoulder to cry on. Lots of people talk about all the good memories they had with you, there were a lot. Everyone’s crying, your little brother still doesn’t know you killed yourself, he’s too young. Your parents just said you died. It hurts him, a lot. You were his big sister, you were supposed to always be there for him. Your best friend, she stays strong through the entire service, but as soon as they start lowering your casket into the ground, she just loses it. She cries and cries and doesn’t stop for days. It’s two years later. The whole school talks to a counselor/therapist at least once a week. Your teachers all quit their job. Those mean girls have eating disorders now. That boy that used to tease you cuts himself. Your ex boyfriend doesn’t know how to love anymore and just sleeps around with girls. Your friends all go into depression. Your best friend? She tried to kill herself. She didn’t succeed like you did, but she tried…your brother? He finally found out the truth about your death. He self harms, he cries at night, he does exactly what you did for years leading up to your suicide. Your parents? Their marriage fell apart. Your dad became a workaholic to distract himself from your death. Your mom got diagnosed with depression and just lays in bed all day. People care. You may not think so, but they do. Your choices don’t just effect you. They effect everyone. Don’t end your life, you have so much to live for. Things can’t get better if you give up. The people of this group understand and are here for you.

by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 2:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
vivianbarnes
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 2:54 PM
2 moms liked this

I know this but yet there are times each day I do slip and can't control it yet. My rooommate gave me her old welbutrin to take, but they expired over 2 years ago. My mom gave me pills to try to control my mind at night so I can try and get sleep. Although all my siblings are grown, and so is my kids, I know it will effect them. My friends are mostly down state and a few up here, but none really know what runs through my hea every day. I told my husband years before that I didn't want to live without him, but yet I am still forced to try and go on with life. Some days are easier than others but very few inbetween. The night my prevention happened no one knew, but my step daughter. See seen the several red flags and called. I have been told to get rid of the one thing keeping me here, but I lose her I know nothing is going to stop me.  As bad as I don't want to live, I have to keep going for my fur baby. I need her as much as she needs me.    

lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Oct. 2, 2012 at 3:05 PM
1 mom liked this

 very powerful!

gcecelie
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 3:21 PM

 I can say that as my once suicidal teen self it was nothing like the above, it was actually really different... and I don't know if people can relate but maybe someone.

I didn't care if my Mom found me, my brother's saw me, my Grandmother mourned me. I definitely did not care about what my friends, classmates, bullies, teachers, or goodness knows who else thought. I did not even care about going to hell for eternity (as a deeply religious teen). I felt that if I were gone, though everyone would be sad for a few years, they would get over it and in the end all the people I loved would be happier after I was gone. No more arguments about me, no one worried about me, no one blaming me for their problems, no tension around me... just after time all the people I love happy. It had nothing to do with feeling some type of personal pressure like I am bullied or small, that only affected me. It was 100% seeing the people I love hurt because of something I thought at the time related to me.

My only saving grace was moving out of my parents house. It was years before I learned how to love myself enough to not care if I felt the people I love would be better off without me. Then it took even MORE years to realize that if someone pushes me in a corner to just leave the d*** corner and cut them from my life.

leahbeah143
by Leah on Oct. 2, 2012 at 3:45 PM

 that's very deep.

jurnee14
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 7:57 PM
1 mom liked this


Quoting gcecelie:

 I can say that as my once suicidal teen self it was nothing like the above, it was actually really different... and I don't know if people can relate but maybe someone.

I didn't care if my Mom found me, my brother's saw me, my Grandmother mourned me. I definitely did not care about what my friends, classmates, bullies, teachers, or goodness knows who else thought. I did not even care about going to hell for eternity (as a deeply religious teen). I felt that if I were gone, though everyone would be sad for a few years, they would get over it and in the end all the people I loved would be happier after I was gone. No more arguments about me, no one worried about me, no one blaming me for their problems, no tension around me... just after time all the people I love happy. It had nothing to do with feeling some type of personal pressure like I am bullied or small, that only affected me. It was 100% seeing the people I love hurt because of something I thought at the time related to me.

My only saving grace was moving out of my parents house. It was years before I learned how to love myself enough to not care if I felt the people I love would be better off without me. Then it took even MORE years to realize that if someone pushes me in a corner to just leave the d*** corner and cut them from my life.

I can relate, the times I had thought about suicide I really thought it would be a good thing for people who loved me, I felt I was the source of their problems.

gcecelie
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 8:05 PM

My Mom eventually told me that she felt the same way. She said that being pregnant with me as a teen tore her family apart and she thought if she just disappeared everyone would love each other again.

Of course, as an adult, you realize that is craziness. The only person responsible for your actions is yourself, and vice versa.

Kids are so sensitive. We really have to treat them well and love them unconditionally.

Quoting jurnee14:


Quoting gcecelie:

 I can say that as my once suicidal teen self it was nothing like the above, it was actually really different... and I don't know if people can relate but maybe someone.

I didn't care if my Mom found me, my brother's saw me, my Grandmother mourned me. I definitely did not care about what my friends, classmates, bullies, teachers, or goodness knows who else thought. I did not even care about going to hell for eternity (as a deeply religious teen). I felt that if I were gone, though everyone would be sad for a few years, they would get over it and in the end all the people I loved would be happier after I was gone. No more arguments about me, no one worried about me, no one blaming me for their problems, no tension around me... just after time all the people I love happy. It had nothing to do with feeling some type of personal pressure like I am bullied or small, that only affected me. It was 100% seeing the people I love hurt because of something I thought at the time related to me.

My only saving grace was moving out of my parents house. It was years before I learned how to love myself enough to not care if I felt the people I love would be better off without me. Then it took even MORE years to realize that if someone pushes me in a corner to just leave the d*** corner and cut them from my life.

I can relate, the times I had thought about suicide I really thought it would be a good thing for people who loved me, I felt I was the source of their problems.


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jurnee14
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 8:15 PM

It is important to remember that kids have feelings, I think growing up my parents loved me, but they just didnt underrstnd. They were the type that said you dont have the right to be upset about this or that, dont cry, etc. Now I know why my mom was that way, she just had a horrible abusive childhood and she never expressed her own feelings. 

Quoting gcecelie:

My Mom eventually told me that she felt the same way. She said that being pregnant with me as a teen tore her family apart and she thought if she just disappeared everyone would love each other again.

Of course, as an adult, you realize that is craziness. The only person responsible for your actions is yourself, and vice versa.

Kids are so sensitive. We really have to treat them well and love them unconditionally.

Quoting jurnee14:


Quoting gcecelie:

 I can say that as my once suicidal teen self it was nothing like the above, it was actually really different... and I don't know if people can relate but maybe someone.

I didn't care if my Mom found me, my brother's saw me, my Grandmother mourned me. I definitely did not care about what my friends, classmates, bullies, teachers, or goodness knows who else thought. I did not even care about going to hell for eternity (as a deeply religious teen). I felt that if I were gone, though everyone would be sad for a few years, they would get over it and in the end all the people I loved would be happier after I was gone. No more arguments about me, no one worried about me, no one blaming me for their problems, no tension around me... just after time all the people I love happy. It had nothing to do with feeling some type of personal pressure like I am bullied or small, that only affected me. It was 100% seeing the people I love hurt because of something I thought at the time related to me.

My only saving grace was moving out of my parents house. It was years before I learned how to love myself enough to not care if I felt the people I love would be better off without me. Then it took even MORE years to realize that if someone pushes me in a corner to just leave the d*** corner and cut them from my life.

I can relate, the times I had thought about suicide I really thought it would be a good thing for people who loved me, I felt I was the source of their problems.



wauseonmom
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 9:48 PM
1 mom liked this
This is very deep. And being on the otherside I can say this true. My dd is now 2 and since I found out I was prego with her I have buried 4 nephews all sucide, which means out of 7 kids only 3 of them (including myself) have not put to rest one of there 26 and under child. The call from a love one saying that there. Child is dead is the worse calll anyone could receive. The 1st nephew to kill himself did it by putting a gun in his mouth in front of his girlfriend while her 5 yr old was walking down the hall. Till this day the are both getting help and she has tried to join him. You say you don't care but you know deep down you really do. I beg any of you to seek help check into a clinic or call a hotline before you go to this drastic measure because once you commit to killing yourself there is no going back. Believe it or not everyone out there has at least one or more person who enjoys seeing you or hearing your voice. Nothing can be that bad or can't be fixed every problem has a solution better then sucide!
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gcecelie
by on Oct. 2, 2012 at 9:58 PM
1 mom liked this

 Cycles man! Thankfully broken :-)

Quoting jurnee14:

It is important to remember that kids have feelings, I think growing up my parents loved me, but they just didnt underrstnd. They were the type that said you dont have the right to be upset about this or that, dont cry, etc. Now I know why my mom was that way, she just had a horrible abusive childhood and she never expressed her own feelings. 

Quoting gcecelie:

My Mom eventually told me that she felt the same way. She said that being pregnant with me as a teen tore her family apart and she thought if she just disappeared everyone would love each other again.

Of course, as an adult, you realize that is craziness. The only person responsible for your actions is yourself, and vice versa.

Kids are so sensitive. We really have to treat them well and love them unconditionally.

Quoting jurnee14:

 

Quoting gcecelie:

 I can say that as my once suicidal teen self it was nothing like the above, it was actually really different... and I don't know if people can relate but maybe someone.

I didn't care if my Mom found me, my brother's saw me, my Grandmother mourned me. I definitely did not care about what my friends, classmates, bullies, teachers, or goodness knows who else thought. I did not even care about going to hell for eternity (as a deeply religious teen). I felt that if I were gone, though everyone would be sad for a few years, they would get over it and in the end all the people I loved would be happier after I was gone. No more arguments about me, no one worried about me, no one blaming me for their problems, no tension around me... just after time all the people I love happy. It had nothing to do with feeling some type of personal pressure like I am bullied or small, that only affected me. It was 100% seeing the people I love hurt because of something I thought at the time related to me.

My only saving grace was moving out of my parents house. It was years before I learned how to love myself enough to not care if I felt the people I love would be better off without me. Then it took even MORE years to realize that if someone pushes me in a corner to just leave the d*** corner and cut them from my life.

I can relate, the times I had thought about suicide I really thought it would be a good thing for people who loved me, I felt I was the source of their problems.


 

 

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diaperstodating
by Bronze Member on Oct. 2, 2012 at 10:24 PM

Thank you Erica. I really needed to read this.

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