I know I try to reply to some of you ladies with positive encouragement but right now I can't find any for myself. I just feel like such a crappy mom, my parents are pushing me on my ex taking my son overnight on weekends. They make me feel like I don't care and that I should just keep my son from his dad. Then I feel like crap if I'm letting my son stay with his dad and girlfriend, when I don't know a lot about this girl. Keeping my son every other weekend will probably be a battle with my ex, it was an arguement just to keep him last weekend. I think I'm going to have to go to court to get it taken care of. Ever since I've had my son I constantly go through feeling like he'd be better off without me, that I should have given him up for adoption. It's hard to shake my feelings of worthlessness. I just want to disapear. My son is 4 and autistic, I really don't think it would be hard for him to adjust if I wasn't around. I just hate the fact that everyone can make me feel like a child who can't make decisions for myself. I'm sorry about going on about this poor me stuff, I know other people are dealing with harder things, and of course I feel more like shit for being depressed about my life. I'm sorry I guess I just needed to vent.