I am on two anti-depressants but have tried probably 20 (no joke) over the past 25 years. I have been to at least six different counselors over the years. The medication that helped the best was abilify but I gained 35 pounds, didn't tell my doctor, and he fired me. Yes, fired me for not coming back in when I was gaining all the weight. I was waiting until I was out of medication, because I was feeling so much better. Now, I have to find yet another doctor and probably try a new medication (s). I can barely stand the thought of going through all of this AGAIN! And, I haven't lost the weight. Another thing that depresses me.
I know I need to force myself to eat better, exercise, get out, see friends and find a new doctor. However, how do you make yourself do that when you can't even force yourself to take a shower?
My husband is a wonderful, wonderful father and a good husband except we live as friends. He would do anything for me, but he has a problem with porn and we have no physical intimacy. We've been to numerous counselors, my husband is in a church related accountability group, and the addiction is under control. He just is not interested in me physically, and no, there is no one else. I used to try and initiate sex but when you get turned down several times, you stop trying. Doesn't do much for your self-esteem either.
Okay, I have whined enough. I am so tired of feeling this way. Tired, tired, tired!