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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

Day 7 in pajamas in bed

Posted by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 5:45 AM
  • 11 Replies
Well, I have not left the house in a week, because I am so depressed, lonely, and bored by my life. My husband, who truly is supportive, has been working, cooking meals, driving our kids to/from school, etc. I feel like the worst mom/wife which just makes me more depressed.

I am on two anti-depressants but have tried probably 20 (no joke) over the past 25 years. I have been to at least six different counselors over the years. The medication that helped the best was abilify but I gained 35 pounds, didn't tell my doctor, and he fired me. Yes, fired me for not coming back in when I was gaining all the weight. I was waiting until I was out of medication, because I was feeling so much better. Now, I have to find yet another doctor and probably try a new medication (s). I can barely stand the thought of going through all of this AGAIN! And, I haven't lost the weight. Another thing that depresses me.

I know I need to force myself to eat better, exercise, get out, see friends and find a new doctor. However, how do you make yourself do that when you can't even force yourself to take a shower?

My husband is a wonderful, wonderful father and a good husband except we live as friends. He would do anything for me, but he has a problem with porn and we have no physical intimacy. We've been to numerous counselors, my husband is in a church related accountability group, and the addiction is under control. He just is not interested in me physically, and no, there is no one else. I used to try and initiate sex but when you get turned down several times, you stop trying. Doesn't do much for your self-esteem either.

Okay, I have whined enough. I am so tired of feeling this way. Tired, tired, tired!
by on Oct. 12, 2012 at 5:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Oct. 12, 2012 at 8:24 AM

 i have been in your shoes. you have to force yourself to get up and find another dr. get your so to help you find one and let him help you get a shower and get dressed. im glad he is supportive of you. sometimes that can make all the difference in the world. give yourself plenty of time to get ready in. do it in steps.

ashleighmama
by Ashleigh on Oct. 12, 2012 at 2:39 PM
I also have been in your shoes. In fact, I feel like Im on the verge of a breakdown right now, it sucks. I know from experience that you just have to force yourself to get up and shower, but its so hard. I am waiting to get on abilify. You have to find a new dr fast, hopefully one that will put you back on abilify. I dont understand why that dr fired you for not telling him about the weight gain, better to get a different dr anyway. Hugs to you mama!
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mikala76
by Michelle on Oct. 12, 2012 at 11:57 PM
It seems unfair that your Dr. would fire You for something so trivial. But, i know how You feel. When i was having my ect treatments i was completely dependant on my dh, whom i also love dearly. If it wasn't for him my kids wouldn't have been fed, or taken to school. He also drove me to my appts. b/c i had lost my memory. It still didn't make me feel any better. I felt so useless. I also gained 80 pounds while taking seroquel, so this has only added to my depression. My depression causes paranoia, and while in it i feel like ppl are staring and laughing at me, so i never leave the house. I know not all of it is paranoia. Anyway, You have a friend here.
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Diana3632
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 4:34 AM
I am proud of myself. My husband surprised me and he took the day off to spend with me, because he has been so worried about me. I actually got up, went out to breakfast and to a movie. It definitely made me feel better. However, it is now 3:30 am, everyone is asleep but me, and my negative thoughts keep coming in.

I think it was very unfair of my psychiatrist to fire me, too, especially since I had gone to him for 4 years. I had gone in for an annual check up with my internist and he was concerned about my weight gain. He ended up calling the psychiatrist saying what I don't know. Within five days, I received a letter from the psychiatrist saying he was terminating me. I think my internist felt bad for me, because he has offered to help me find a new doctor. I just haven't done it yet. The thought of another new doctor upsets me.

A huge thank you to those of you who responded to my message! It helps so much to know I am not alone and that someone understands. Friends and family don't. My Mom is really hateful to me about my depression. She says I am weak and just too emotional. That hurts!
lucy164
by Platinum Member on Oct. 13, 2012 at 9:47 AM

i know the feeling of not wanting to get up in tha am.  my mother told me to snap out of it, my depression ik mean.  i wish you well.  exercize may help.  sorry about your situation.

Diana3632
by on Oct. 13, 2012 at 1:22 PM
Thank you!
sugarxcookie
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 3:27 AM

Oh... have you tried smoking weed? Whenever i get overwhelmed and depressed, i just self medicate. I live in cali. I have a medical marijuana card. Hope it gets better for you!

elwalters77
by Erica on Oct. 14, 2012 at 10:42 AM

I don't know how to make you force yourself to do things, other than just doing them, like it or not. I think once you start, you will start to feel better. Then, just keep going. You are very lucky to have such a supportive husband. I hope you are feeling better soon.

elwalters77
by Erica on Oct. 14, 2012 at 10:46 AM


Quoting Diana3632:

I am proud of myself. My husband surprised me and he took the day off to spend with me, because he has been so worried about me. I actually got up, went out to breakfast and to a movie. It definitely made me feel better. However, it is now 3:30 am, everyone is asleep but me, and my negative thoughts keep coming in.

I think it was very unfair of my psychiatrist to fire me, too, especially since I had gone to him for 4 years. I had gone in for an annual check up with my internist and he was concerned about my weight gain. He ended up calling the psychiatrist saying what I don't know. Within five days, I received a letter from the psychiatrist saying he was terminating me. I think my internist felt bad for me, because he has offered to help me find a new doctor. I just haven't done it yet. The thought of another new doctor upsets me.

A huge thank you to those of you who responded to my message! It helps so much to know I am not alone and that someone understands. Friends and family don't. My Mom is really hateful to me about my depression. She says I am weak and just too emotional. That hurts!

Good for you!

jurnee14
by on Oct. 14, 2012 at 3:37 PM

Glad you are feeling a bit better, sometimes  a change of scenery can do wonders. I understand the feeling of no one understanding. My family is the same, they just see it as a weakness, they dont seem to realize sometimes you have to be so strong just to be "normal" most of the time, that each day can be a challenge. 

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