looking for some advice, *UPDATE*
I kind of wanted to know what you ladies do when you get really down to the point where you just feel like you dont want to function.
I have a history with depression, which I haven't felt like this in a couple years. the depression comes and goes, used to be really bad when i was younger but as the years have gone on it doesn't really affect me much til lately. i also have anxiety but i tend to keep that under control unless in situations where i can't.
I will start off with the fact I feel so lonely. My DH is away during the week for work and has about 3 weeks left of being away til he can be home for good. This doesn't really affect me so much because I have been through 2 deployments that were each at least a year long, I can handle him being gone monday through friday. But I feel like the people who i thought were my friends are not. This one girl who i thought was one of my best friends has lately been such a bitch to me, she wants me to do this 2 day cleanse with her to lose weight (which she doesn't need to lose weight) and i told her no because i dont want to and she told me she just wants me to be healthy, well you know what? i may be overweight but i have no health problems. I understand that I possibly might get health problems if i dont do something about it but as of right now i dont have any so she needs to get off my back, every time i talk to her she talks about some new diet thing she is doing and wants me to join her. So that happened last week and then friday we went wedding dress shopping (for her wedding dress) and none of the bridesmaids dresses fit me (small store, not many sizes) that she wanted me to try on and i told her i would work on losing weight for her wedding and she tells me "oh i dont want you to feel that you need to lose weight for my wedding" wtf? you just told me you want me to lose weight to be healthy but now are contradicting yourself. I also can't trust her, In the past i have said things to her about her co-worker that i didn't like and it got back to him and he confronted me about it, mostly about him being an asshole and stuff. I only told her and my husband that i didn't like him and i know DH didn't say anything to him because he wouldn't, he knows better. Also she keeps bragging about how our one friend is constantly going to her house and hanging out and that she is such a great friend and blah blah blah. she made her maid of honor in her wedding because she looks fantastic in this one dress and it would only look really great if this girl was standing by her and not at the end or middle.... wtf. I dont really care if i am matron of honor or not but picking this one girl because she looks good in a certain dress??? really?? I just feel like I have no one i could go to with joyful news or sad news or any news and they would take it the same way as i do. Is that a part of getting older, you feel like you lose your friends?
My dad was diagnosed with leukemia about 6 1/2 years ago, apparently it's one that you die with, not from. Well lately he has been doing really bad. The way he used to be is he would be sick with a cold and he would go to work no matter how he felt, he gets a cold now and he is in bed for 3 days, he has no energy, my mom and i talked tonight and she told me this past weekend they went for a get away and that he was nauseous and no energy and sweating bullets the whole time they were gone and even after they came home. I am worried about my dad and have been crying off and on since i talked to my mom.
Work is just a whole story i dont even want to get into because i am not happy with what i am doing but for me to do what i want i would have to quit and go back to school (not offered online) and we can't afford for me to do that.
I feel like I can't rely on anyone but myself right now. I feel lonely and worried and anxious and down and emotional and I honestly dont know how to get out of this funk.
does anyone have any ideas on what i should do? How do i stop feeling this way..
well I just wanted to update everyone in case you care lol
Things are better. DH and I had a long conversation about things, I am on a new exercise program that is making me feel better, not as exhausted as i was before (have started taking vitamins).
Bad thing, my sister was committed to the psych ward, she told my mom that when she listens to music she thinks the radio station is sending her messages and that when she sees graffitti (spelling?) on the side of a train car that it's a message to her. So she is there for now and hopefully on the right meds.. My Dh and i are trying to get my youngest nephew to come live with us for the duration of her stay at the hospital, the 2 older boys' dad is going to take them for a while. My parents are too old to have to be taking care of 3 boys.
so thats my update..