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Mother is visiting

Posted by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:53 AM
  • 11 Replies
I had a breakdown in June and have been getting the help I need since then. I just started seeing the most AMAZING therapist and attending a DBT psychoeducational group. I really felt like I was getting my mind back. Then my mother comes to visit for two whole weeks. We are on day 5 and I feel like I have taken a huge leap backwards. I am taking Klonepin like mad just to get through to day. Her criticism is getting to me, but also everything she does ANNOYS me to no end. She is the cause of a lot of my trauma. My good communication skills and assertiveness that I have been learning has gone out the window when she gets to me. More frustrated with myself. Can't wait to see my therapist tomorrow and get a new gameplan knowing what I do now!

Anyone experience something similar? Like coping skills going out the window without you even realizing it?
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by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:53 AM
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Replies (1-10):
iluvmybabe
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 1:58 AM
Whats dbt? Ive been seeing that a lot on here. And yes I have but not in a while. Just try your best to get through it. Strained relationships are hard to deal with.
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anotherandree
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:05 AM
I forget what DBT stands for but basically it is coping skills broken into 3 categories: mindfulness (staying in the present), emotional regulation (not going to extremes), and interpersonal skills and communication. It is really helpful and used a lot for people with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Quoting iluvmybabe:

Whats dbt? Ive been seeing that a lot on here. And yes I have but not in a while. Just try your best to get through it. Strained relationships are hard to deal with.
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iluvmybabe
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:51 AM
Oh ok. Thanks. I hope you and your therapist come up with a good plan on getting through the rest of your mothers visit.

Quoting anotherandree:

I forget what DBT stands for but basically it is coping skills broken into 3 categories: mindfulness (staying in the present), emotional regulation (not going to extremes), and interpersonal skills and communication. It is really helpful and used a lot for people with Borderline Personality Disorder.



Quoting iluvmybabe:

Whats dbt? Ive been seeing that a lot on here. And yes I have but not in a while. Just try your best to get through it. Strained relationships are hard to deal with.
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rhodaj
by rho on Nov. 20, 2012 at 6:34 AM
I have the same problem with mom. I just start panicking when she calls and says she is coming over. O finally used boundaries with her. She is welcome at my house but if she starts criticising me she has to leave. I know with her being from out of town u may need to tell her she needs to stay at a hotel
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matreshka
by Ruby Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 7:23 AM

I have the same problem with my mother.  I have had to learn to learn to let her passive-aggressiveness roll off my shoulders, using DBT techniques.  Maybe in the future keep the visits shorter or delay them until you have more coping skills.

My MIL really triggers me because she can be downright aggressive and manipulative.  I have to avoid her as much as I can, but when I do see her I just keep in mind she has her own problems and they are NOT mine.

Are you doing much with the Distress tolerance module yet?

Tracys2
by Gold Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 8:02 AM

Our parents really know how to push our buttons, and I think that they knew us before we learned what we did also makes it worse, plus they remind us of former days. Even my mother drives me up the wall with the little things she does sometimes, and I adore her! Parents are special that way.

Not sure what to tell you. 2 weeks is a long time! Can you get some alone time? When my parents are visiting, they disappear around 8pm to read and watch TV, and that decompress time really helps.

I wish you the best of luck. If you can find a way to be assertive with your mother, I'd bet it would make you feel so much more powerful!

lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 8:48 AM

 i hope you get everything worked out.

anotherandree
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 11:14 PM
Thanks everyone for the suggestions and support. I saw my therapist today and she really helped me evaluate my values and reminded me that there are going to be negative consequences no matter what. I am learning to sit with my negative emotions instead of avoiding them. It ducks and it's a trial by fire with my mother here!
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dizzy77702
by Bronze Member on Nov. 21, 2012 at 2:04 PM

can you get away for a bit, even just take a drive to the grocery store or down the st, maybe excuse yourself and go for a brisk walk?  even step outside of the room if things get tense.  I find getting away from the source of my stress if only briefly helps.

dizzy77702
by Bronze Member on Nov. 21, 2012 at 2:07 PM

lol at staying at a hotel bc that's exactly what I had to do one year when my mother who is from out of town was staying with us.  There's only so much one person can handle before they totally loose it and sometimes even using all your coping skills isn't enough.

Quoting rhodaj:

I have the same problem with mom. I just start panicking when she calls and says she is coming over. O finally used boundaries with her. She is welcome at my house but if she starts criticising me she has to leave. I know with her being from out of town u may need to tell her she needs to stay at a hotel


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