Hi all! I am new to this group. I am married (for almost 6 years) and have a beautiful five year old daughter. I have suffered from severe depression for years (on top of social anxiety and PTSD). Every day is a struggle and now that the winter is here, It has gotten very difficult to refrain from my normal depressive outbursts and private implosions :( I am trying very hard to keep my head up and do everything that I should be doing ( being attentive to my daughter and husband, house hold chores, being a good friend and good sister), but i am finding it very hard. I have put on five pounds in the past month, not really sure how but this is just feeding into my depression ( I am well overweight so five extra pounds just puts it to me!!!) My husband made a snide comment the other day about someone saying I am a bad wife.. which by my standards, IM NOT.. I cook i clean (i even serve him dinner on the couch). I finally got it out of him why (after a few weeks of questioning if it could possibly be true!!!) and he said it was the guys at work saying it because he doesnt go out with them to drink! umm, I BEG him to go out with his "friends" and he refuses to go.. so how does that make me a bad wife?! because he simply leads them on to think its me saying he CANT go!!! My daughter has been so out of control lately (hitting and yelling) and im just so fed up with it. (we do not scream at her or hit her, so what the hell!!) I just cant take much more anymore. I tire easily and find myself dragging to do my daily routine. ( I am on disability because of severe degeneration of my disks, and this leaves me home all of the time). I feel almost useless these days. The bills are all behind and I cant help pay them (my ssdi goes all to the rent) and I just dont have the motivation to get outside and run around with my DD in the crappy cold weather.. I have almost thought about going to a therapist, but i dont want them staring at me like they are listening when they really arent.. All I really would want is to go back on my meds, but in order to get the meds, i have to go through therapy.. grrrr... ugh, sorry ladies just a lot going around this head of mine.