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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

I feel so beat down

Posted by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:16 PM
  • 11 Replies

My hubby and I are true soul mates and have been together for 11 years. He's always been *different* in the fact that he says if he can be raised by bikers and still have manners, then the rest of the population sure can. (he has cigarette burns from that lesson). He's also the type of person who says "some assholes in this world, think they can do and say anything and get away with it - well I'll tell them they're not!".

This usually ends up being some type of road rage, chest bumpings, or call outs to perfect strangers who he's felt has dissed him. He's got so much rage inside of him. He works 12 hour shifts, 3 dayd a week. During this time, I can' talk to him - he's a zombie, and a bitch. Everyone walks around on egg shells.

Of course he can't sleep during the day, the dogs, the phone, people being noisy etc...

Now I want to make myself perfecty clear - he will NEVER EVER hit me or take his anger out on me or the kids. But I'm just getting so down about it. When we first got together, he was so happy. He'd say it's a good day if I wake up breathing. Now he looks at waking up, to see who and how he's going to be "punished" today.

I know he has distorted thinking, and he's on celexa and ativan, but he gets pissed that HE has to medicate himself into submission when the problem is the other assholes in the world.

Now I've been feeling like no matter what I do or say, I just can't make him happy. He is totally and completely miserable :((

CafeMom Tickers
by on Dec. 9, 2012 at 11:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Tracys2
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 7:28 AM

I'm sorry. Sounds like he has some issues and anger, maybe even still from back with the cigarette burns, that is coming back, and he could really benefit form not only medication adjustments, but therapy that tries to determine what is making him so angry. I'm not sure how you can get from now (when it's "their" fault, and nothing wrong with him) to getting him to go though.

That has to be so tough to live with, and see him suffering and angry, when you know that's not the "real" him.

matreshka
by Ruby Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 7:36 AM

I have a lot of anger and rage too.  It's from ptsd.  Do you think that might be a problem he has along with the depression?  Does he go to therapy at all?

Part of what I had to learn is to let the everyday things go that anger me, like road rage or people who suck.  It's not worth me getting bent out of shape or ending up in trouble.

I am still working on dealing with my past, the abuse and sexual assault.  That's what is hard.

Ali5683
by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 10:54 AM
1 mom liked this

I'm sorry. Sounds like a very tough situation. :(

You obviously love him so much. I can feel it through your words. Is he open to therapy? Does he have hobbies outside of work?

He could also be overtired which also makes people do and say things they don't mean. I would suggest doing what you can to help him get some sleep. Try to keep others quiet, lock the dogs up in another room for a couple hours or outside. I think he really needs some sleep. Find some ways you can help him get some rest and I think along with his medication he could start to feel better.

♥ Ali5683
SCENTSY :: aliciaivie.scentsy.us
FINDING ALICIA :: www.findingalicia.com

mrsvixen
by Gold Member on Dec. 10, 2012 at 11:42 AM

Yes, he's on medications and last year when he had a breakdown, he tried to go to Mental Health for therapy. They really screwed him around. First they drugged him so much, he couldn't walk straight, and would walk into things, then they kept saying they'd consult with the team for the best plan of action and call him back. They didn't call him back, he's phone over and over and show up, and it was always excuses.

Other times he's tried therapy, they look at him like he's bullshitting, or they want to write a book about his life. He's NEVER gotten any help from them at all.

He is in a heavy metal band, and they practice once a week, that does help somewhat. I even told him yesterday, that maybe we should start a fight club...a place where people like him can get their aggression out...

mrsvixen
by Gold Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 2:54 AM

BUMP!

matreshka
by Ruby Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 7:25 AM

About your fight club idea: After college I lived with 3 guys, an ex-marine, a lobsterman and a firefighter.  We would take our issues out "in the octagon" i.e. the backyard.  We never had any long standing drama or passive agression with eachother.  A lot of people thought I was headed for trouble living with them, since it was 3 big dudes but they were the best roommates I had.

Quoting mrsvixen:

Yes, he's on medications and last year when he had a breakdown, he tried to go to Mental Health for therapy. They really screwed him around. First they drugged him so much, he couldn't walk straight, and would walk into things, then they kept saying they'd consult with the team for the best plan of action and call him back. They didn't call him back, he's phone over and over and show up, and it was always excuses.

Other times he's tried therapy, they look at him like he's bullshitting, or they want to write a book about his life. He's NEVER gotten any help from them at all.

He is in a heavy metal band, and they practice once a week, that does help somewhat. I even told him yesterday, that maybe we should start a fight club...a place where people like him can get their aggression out...



Lunatic6997
by on Dec. 11, 2012 at 10:29 AM

Sounds like DH needs to take responsibility for his own feelings rather then blaming other people for their actions. He needs therapy to find out where this anger is coming from! Good luck!

mrsvixen
by Gold Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 1:31 PM

I`m worried about a fight club and someone actually getting hurt though. Then the law and other shit comes into play

gonecrazi
by Silver Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 2:13 PM

 I'm sorry you are going through this. Maybe his meds need to be adjusted. Check with his dr. 

matreshka
by Ruby Member on Dec. 11, 2012 at 3:02 PM

Does he see a decent therapist? there are good ones out there that can help him.  From what I've read, anger management groups aren't really effective, but one on one help is.

Also take care of yourself. It's hard to see the ones we love struggle.  My DH has a high stress job and it is affecting his health.  He's not one for talking about his feelings so instead I spend time with him watching silly tv or movies or going out on his days off.

Quoting mrsvixen:

I`m worried about a fight club and someone actually getting hurt though. Then the law and other shit comes into play



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