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Our family is falling apart!

Posted by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:26 AM
  • 4 Replies

I am 32 years old and fell like I am 50!  I am sick and tired of being sick and tired! I have a two year old and a 5 year old that I love with all my heart! But it seems like when they get sick, I get sick!  My husband works a pretty crazy schedule so he is never here to help it seems.  My mom and dad live less than three miles from us and they always tell me to let them know when I need help and then when I do they make me feel like it is an imposition!  My mother in law lives about 10 miles away and she is usually a little more helpful even though we aren't big fans of each other. I think a lot of our families problem is not having a good routine. But it is so hard when your husband has the following schedule: work, monday & tuesday then off wednesday & thursday, then work friday, saturday & sunday, then off monday & tuesday, then work wednesday & thursday then off friday, saturday & sunday! 12 hour shifts! Then every month they switch from working 6 am to 6 pm to working 6 pm to 6 am! I suggest a change in job but its like he has no motivation to do any better for his family.  He is such a hard working dedicated employee!  And I think he is apprehensive about starting somewhere new! My two year old has definitely hit the terrible twos! She is becoming so independant and head strong.  Just like her momma!  My five year old started kindergarten this year and it has been a rough one!  It is such a long day for him. Due to us living in the country, he is up at 6:15, on the bus at 7 then doesn't get off the bus till 4:20! He is so whinney when he gets home, it drives me up a wall.  He has actually fallen asleep at the supper table!  I feel like I am yelling way to much at my kids! I feel angry all the time!  I think about ending my life but I don't want to miss out on my kids and them to miss out on having me.  But what good am I to them when I am the way I am? I don't feel like playing with them, or doing anything!  I feel like my life has been a screw up from the moment I was born!  My own mother told me when I was about 12 that if she knew her life was going to turn out the way it had she would have aborted my brother and then never had me!  Way to make your daughter feel like a miserable piece of shit! Thanks mom! My brother is a piece of work himself! I have been one of his biggest supporters when he told me he was gay.  We never got along as kids, teens and young adults until he told me he was gay!  Then it was like we were actually friends.  Until our family vacation we took in October.  My mom and dad took my kids & me (husband had to work) and my brother and his fiance to Florida.  It was a disaster!  My brother looked at my two year old who was asking him where mommy was and he said she's stupid and she's dead!  Well he is dead to me now!  He never stuck up for me when somebody was putting me down at school, hell sometimes he was the one starting it! Then to have to ride the bus home with him and then be at home by ourselves till one of our parents got home!  It was hell!  He tormented me about my weight! I feel like such a piece of shit!  Like I am not worthy of love or life! Probably why I had not had a healthy relationship until I met my husband!  He and I were meant to be together!  I remember the first time I actually attempted to commit suicide! My brother of course being one of the instigators! I tried slitting my wrists with a broken piece of glass.  Hurt to bad and I of course couldn't go through with it.  I've taken pills and puked them up a few times.  Lately I've been thinking a little more drastically. Like my husbands shot gun or just run my car into a tree or run it off the bridge into the water.  But then I think of my children! I can't leave them! I love them too much to do that to them.  I just have to make sure they don't go through the things I went through as a child.  I will let them know that I always wanted them and I would NEVER change that! 

by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:26 AM
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by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 12:56 AM
That's called depression and you really should seek help. Another way if seeing your home is: I'm married and have two kids. My husband has a great job so I don't have to work, but it means he's gone most of the day. I have two kids and love them dearly. It's trying at times, but I have a great family. I have a mil who's willing to help out and that's a blessing.

The family stuff doesn't really matter in that picture. It matters to you and your well being, but that is stuff you really should work through. I'm sorry your overwhelmed, but we all get that way. Sit back and take inventory then learn to improve what you have.
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by Group Admin on Dec. 10, 2012 at 5:17 AM

 you need to get help NOW! you need to take care of yourself for your kids and your husband. does your husband know you are having these thoughts? i would sit down and talk to him and let  him know how i am feeling. you need to make an appt with a therapist and then see a dr who can put you on meds and help you to feel better. if you get to feeling really suicidal go to the er.

by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 8:15 AM

I'm glad you have the kids to hold you together, but the fact that you've thought so much about suicide and even tried it in the past scares me. Please do get help now. They can give you medication to help you cope and then you would eally benefit from therapy to deal with the issues you've had with your brother and mother and channel some of that pain and anger into more positive ways of dealing with it.

You are worthy of life and love, and your children will always love you, now it's time to get some help. There is hope, and some day our kids will be glad we did.

by on Dec. 10, 2012 at 10:22 AM

Please get help ASAP!  I can relate to the stress. I can also relate to the suicidal thoughts.  My last attempt which was the 3rd attempt total where I had to be on life support in the ICU for a week plus devestaated my family once again.

It is a very slippery slope with sucidl thoughts, you may not think you'll act on them but there can be a trigger or stressor and you may impulsively do it.  Your kids will always see suicide as an option for them if you do it.

With getting yourself help, you are also helping your kids.  Also you may be eligible for free or reduced child care.

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