I am 32 years old and fell like I am 50! I am sick and tired of being sick and tired! I have a two year old and a 5 year old that I love with all my heart! But it seems like when they get sick, I get sick! My husband works a pretty crazy schedule so he is never here to help it seems. My mom and dad live less than three miles from us and they always tell me to let them know when I need help and then when I do they make me feel like it is an imposition! My mother in law lives about 10 miles away and she is usually a little more helpful even though we aren't big fans of each other. I think a lot of our families problem is not having a good routine. But it is so hard when your husband has the following schedule: work, monday & tuesday then off wednesday & thursday, then work friday, saturday & sunday, then off monday & tuesday, then work wednesday & thursday then off friday, saturday & sunday! 12 hour shifts! Then every month they switch from working 6 am to 6 pm to working 6 pm to 6 am! I suggest a change in job but its like he has no motivation to do any better for his family. He is such a hard working dedicated employee! And I think he is apprehensive about starting somewhere new! My two year old has definitely hit the terrible twos! She is becoming so independant and head strong. Just like her momma! My five year old started kindergarten this year and it has been a rough one! It is such a long day for him. Due to us living in the country, he is up at 6:15, on the bus at 7 then doesn't get off the bus till 4:20! He is so whinney when he gets home, it drives me up a wall. He has actually fallen asleep at the supper table! I feel like I am yelling way to much at my kids! I feel angry all the time! I think about ending my life but I don't want to miss out on my kids and them to miss out on having me. But what good am I to them when I am the way I am? I don't feel like playing with them, or doing anything! I feel like my life has been a screw up from the moment I was born! My own mother told me when I was about 12 that if she knew her life was going to turn out the way it had she would have aborted my brother and then never had me! Way to make your daughter feel like a miserable piece of shit! Thanks mom! My brother is a piece of work himself! I have been one of his biggest supporters when he told me he was gay. We never got along as kids, teens and young adults until he told me he was gay! Then it was like we were actually friends. Until our family vacation we took in October. My mom and dad took my kids & me (husband had to work) and my brother and his fiance to Florida. It was a disaster! My brother looked at my two year old who was asking him where mommy was and he said she's stupid and she's dead! Well he is dead to me now! He never stuck up for me when somebody was putting me down at school, hell sometimes he was the one starting it! Then to have to ride the bus home with him and then be at home by ourselves till one of our parents got home! It was hell! He tormented me about my weight! I feel like such a piece of shit! Like I am not worthy of love or life! Probably why I had not had a healthy relationship until I met my husband! He and I were meant to be together! I remember the first time I actually attempted to commit suicide! My brother of course being one of the instigators! I tried slitting my wrists with a broken piece of glass. Hurt to bad and I of course couldn't go through with it. I've taken pills and puked them up a few times. Lately I've been thinking a little more drastically. Like my husbands shot gun or just run my car into a tree or run it off the bridge into the water. But then I think of my children! I can't leave them! I love them too much to do that to them. I just have to make sure they don't go through the things I went through as a child. I will let them know that I always wanted them and I would NEVER change that!