I'm feeling very conflicted about my oldest dd. Part of me feels I being materialistic heartless mom and the other part doesn't feel that way. My oldest dd is 19.5, she moved out of state to get to know biodad this past January. Earlier this year, she was in a bad car accident, so dh, our 2 dds at home, and I all went out to be with her. Dh and I took what we had saved for our youngest's birthday, plus bill money to be out there for her through her surgery and hospital stay. We did this without second though, shes our daughter. Of course, our youngest didn't get the birthday she'd been wanting for 2 yrs and we had a hard time playing catch up with bills. But being there for her was our priority. Dh had been laid off from his job with the company he'd been with for 11 yrs the month before, he'd found 2 part time jobs the same day, but we definitely had a huge decrease in monthly income. So, things have been extremely tight since. Well, the week of Thanksgiving, dd calls hysterical. Her bd had passed away, still not sure if it was diabetes related, she had no one to help her. So we went out again. Took bill money, what we had for Christmas, plus selling a few items to make the trip. We talked to her about coming home since she has no friends there, no close family, and had just broken up with bf. She didn't want to. Now we were right back in a financial mess, which again we don't mind dealing with because again being there for dd was a priority to us. Then Friday she calls, asks dh if we can come out to get her, she wants to cone home. Again we want to do this, dh is all set to take all the Christmas money wece scrounged and bill money to drive out to get her. I on the other hand am not feeling so quick about it. Since she was 16, she was our rebellious child. Her sisters have gone without what they really wanted for Christmas, birthdays, etc because she has stolen numerous times from us and ended up in legal trouble that cost several thousands in fines. Since 18 she has been in and out of the house. She moves home then decides our rules suck and moves out a month later. Now, I'd love to have dd hone. I'd love to have Christmas with all my girls in the house. But I don't think its right to keep taking from the other 2. I hesitate because she has said she doesn't want to move back to our state and town. She's made it clear that if her ex bf and her can work things out shell move back to him. So I have a huge problem putting out money for this, for taking Christmas away from her sisters, for once again playing catch up on bills when she's being a bit flaky. I don't mean that the girls will get very little, I mean they'll get nothing. We already can't afford a tree or any of that stuff. Our rents only half paid for, etc. I feel I'm being awful, that money should never come before children, but I can't help feeling like we keep giving to her and taking from the younger two. I'm really praying for a Christmas miracle. I'm really praying to find the right solution. I know I'm awful for feeling this way. I just can't help but think, we were just there. Ready and willing to help, now yet again she wants us to bend over backwards for her without any regards to how it effects the whole family. Sorry I'm scattered. Just really needed to vent. Dh thinks I'm being too materialistic, part of me knows I am, but I can't seem to get past how I'm feeling.
on Dec. 11, 2012 at 9:27 PM