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questioning my parenting skills

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 8 Replies
Sometimes I feel like I was not cut out to be a parent. I feel like I am a bad mom. I'm always grumpy, snapping at her because she doesn't listen and likes to jump around everywhere. Sometimes I think she would be better off with my mom or her dad.
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 18, 2012 at 4:19 PM
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happynewyorker
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 4:22 PM

hey, I know how you feel. sometimes I feel like that. some times my daughter gets the best of me.  I go with my daughter to therapy and here is something that might help if your child is school level. make a jar with good behavior incentives and one for bad behavior.  Bad behavior can be no electronics, things like that. good behavior staying up late, going out to do something. 

Some times we need some time to relax and not let our children get the best of us.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 18, 2012 at 5:49 PM
I feel the same way. I'm not cut out to be a mom, and I have 4 kids :(
lyrick24
by Group Admin on Dec. 18, 2012 at 5:53 PM
1 mom liked this

 work on how you respond with her. make a conscious effort to respond differently. they all can get on our nerves sometimes so dont guilt trip yourself. you are just being human.

Tracys2
by on Dec. 18, 2012 at 6:07 PM
3 moms liked this

She would never be better off without you. 

Now, you can get help- parenting books and online advice and therapy and medication/adjustment if necessary.  All of these things can help you be better and more patient and help her to listen (I have issues occasionally too, part of my depression is that I don't expect people to think much of what I have to say sometimes, and kids totally sense that)

But also keep in mind... non-depressed parents see themselves as good parents often, no matter what and say "I'm a great parent, but occasionally my kids drive me crazy" whereas we depressed parents tend to say "I'm usually a terrible parent and grumpy and snap, and occasionally my kids are sweet and I do OK", but the parenting  may be exactly the same. The way we look at ourselves, however, is always going to be different.

So, try to keep perspective and see the good things you do and just try to write down one thing you want to change at a time, and research and work on that one thing. Get yourself help however and hwenever you can. And things will get better. Hugs!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 18, 2012 at 10:39 PM
2 moms liked this

 i never thought of it that way. thanks.

Quoting Tracys2:

But also keep in mind... non-depressed parents see themselves as good parents often, no matter what and say "I'm a great parent, but occasionally my kids drive me crazy" whereas we depressed parents tend to say "I'm usually a terrible parent and grumpy and snap, and occasionally my kids are sweet and I do OK", but the parenting  may be exactly the same. The way we look at ourselves, however, is always going to be different.

So, try to keep perspective and see the good things you do and just try to write down one thing you want to change at a time, and research and work on that one thing. Get yourself help however and hwenever you can. And things will get better. Hugs!

 

Kris_twinmommy
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 12:13 AM
Every mom doubts her mommy capabilities at some point(s) in life. That's normal. What's not normal is to live in what i call the "Eeyore state of mind" where you constantly feel like you're not good enough (from Winnie the Pooh). Seek counseling from a professional. Most jobs with benefits offer an employee assistance program or if it doesn't, most churches have certified counselors as well. I pray for better days for you.
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matreshka
by on Dec. 19, 2012 at 10:05 AM

Kinda reiterating what the other members said, but those feelings of not feeling like a good mom, many people feel them, even depressed people.  In my depressions I feel the same way, when my depressive or mixed cycles are really bad I often believe they would be better off with me dead.  It is the illness talking. 

I think making a list of the things you do well would help boost your self-esteem.  Seeing a good therapist would also help, it helps me a lot.  I now see one who also sees kids so we can talk about parenting and issues like that.

 

Jazmyn1
by on Dec. 21, 2012 at 3:15 PM
I feel the same and it doesnt help when my so says i get mad over everything but honestly when i think about it im only cranky when Im repearing myself or he isnt listening i often feel hed be better wirh his dad but if i didnt have him idk what i might destructively do to myself if i didnt have him
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