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I'm not going to the service

Posted by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 3:14 PM
  • 5 Replies

I just lost it, for over an hour until my eyes and mouth ran dry.  I cried for everyone I've lost to suicide.  For the aunt I never met who took her own life, to the members of my family who used alcohol to die a slow death at too early ages.

I want to celebrate life. I want to be with my family.  I am mad at myself for all the times I attempted suicide and can't believe I am still here.  It shocks me that 3 times family was told I wouldn't make it, and I did.  There has to be a reason. Not some plan of greatness, but something I can do with my life since some spirit or force wants me here. 

Why did I live when others died so easily?


by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 3:14 PM
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Replies (1-5):
daysfan2004
by Member on Dec. 20, 2012 at 3:25 PM

 I believe that there are reasons for everything. I dont understand them all the time but I dont believe that we are suppose to. I hope you find some peace today.hugs

deltathree
by Platinum Member on Dec. 20, 2012 at 4:25 PM

I believe there's a reason for everything as well.  You are here for a purpose.  Why bad things happen to others ---some things I don't think we'll understand until we're on the other side.  Huge hugs.  I feel your pain. 

hugs

Serenity7
by on Dec. 20, 2012 at 6:22 PM

 (((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))

leahbeah143
by Leah on Dec. 21, 2012 at 10:39 AM

 big hugs mama!

flowrsgalore
by on Dec. 21, 2012 at 10:55 AM

Yeah I was kind of wondering if going to that was going to be too much.  Not a bad call to pass, it just seems like it could get so emotional & do a number on your brain.  Enjoy your family, be grateful is all that's coming to mind.

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