Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I've sort of figured it out...but it doesn't make sense?

Posted by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:54 PM
  • 8 Replies

I have had a HELL of a December...I was more insanely stressed/anxious/depressed than I have ever been. All of those years of dealing with my stbx caught up to me. I started noticing that being around my stbx was causing me to become extremely nervous and have anxiety attacks all night, etc. I have other really horrible symptoms as well. So I went to my parents house to try and decide what to do...and even though I was still having the same issues, it wasn't nearly as bad (as long as I stayed away from my mom and sister and tried not to let them affect me negatively). So I felt like I could go back to my apt where my stbx and I still live together...and right away, on the first day back, I couldn't be around him...I had intense anxiety attacks, I couldn't sleep all night, pressure in my head, headaches, etc. His bipolar attitude and bullying only made it worse. So I called my dad up to ask him to pick me and my daughter up again and bring us back to his house. I get here and can feel my anxiety go down, my blood pressure went down, etc.

So I think I figured it out...I can't live with my stbx anymore, I can't be around him. He causes the worst of my anxiety and stress! But what do I do now? My mom and sister are both a lot like him...they are very negative and have up and down moods, etc. They are both trying to convince me that I will never be able to live on my own as a single mom. They say it's impossible and they're also discouraging me from going to college or renting a room or anything that will help my future. They basically want me to live here so I can clean and cook and get a minimum wage job and have no future. I CAN'T live here either...they will eventually cause just as much anxiety and stress as my stbx does. I don't have any other friends or family that can help me at this time. I could go to a shelter, but I'm terrified of that.

Has anyone ever been in this situation? I wish someone could just make the decision for me. Any of the options I face are scary to me and causing more stress.

by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 5:54 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-8):
lyrick24
by Group Admin on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:04 PM
1 mom liked this

 it wouldnt be such a bad idea to to to a shelter. they will help you get on your feet there and maybe you can get an income based apt and get on pa if you need to. most shelters are pretty nice. at least the one where i live is.

leahbeah143
by Leah on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:10 PM

 do some research into shelters and programs for soon to be divorced/single parents. being in a negative environment won't help anybody, just try to do what you can to take care of yourself and get away from your stbx. hugs!

Nena70
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:15 PM

Get counseling to decide what are the options for you and your child. Take time to make that decision. Good luck!!

deltathree
by Platinum Member on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:21 PM

My heart goes out to you.  No easy anwers.  Between a rock & a hard place - I know that feeling well.  So sorry - hugs.

icn_mom
by on Jan. 1, 2013 at 8:31 PM
1 mom liked this

are there any housing options where you live? do you have income of your own? i know here there are a lot of developments that go by your income, and a lot of them are quite nice! try calling your local community programs and ask them where you should/could start.. :) GL and im glad to see you have pin pointed where a lot of your problems are coming and from and are willing to take a step towards the better

matreshka
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 9:40 AM

There are good women's and amily shelters out there.  Also apply for emergency housing through your local housing authorities and section 8.  I think you and your daughter need to get away from all these people.

Meg_the_Mermaid
by on Jan. 2, 2013 at 5:22 PM

I've been dealing with this and thinking about all this for years now. Like 3 years. Going back and forth. I've researched and called many shelters. I've called and gotten my name on many lists for low-income rent. Here in southern California, it's a little more difficult than some other areas. We're more crowded, we have way more people needing assistance, so there are tons of waiting lists for help and most are a 1-6 year wait. There are abuse shelters I can go to, but they seem SO drastic for me...I'm being abused, but am not in fear of my life in such a way that would require me to hide out in a shelter, you know? I just don't like the idea of going to one and my daughter and I having no freedom and no space of our own, etc. We wouldn't even be able to bring any of our stuff with us. But I do know that these shelters help single moms get on their feet faster.

I just wish I could find a room to rent in a home with nice people, so then I could go to college and get a job.

matreshka
by on Jan. 3, 2013 at 9:42 AM

I understand. I had to go in a shelter and its not something anyone wants to do but sometimes it needs to be done.  here in Mass we have the same issues with a lot of people needing help and little resources.  If you are in a shelter, usually they fast track you through programs to get a place to live, a job or job training, and anything else you might need.

Quoting Meg_the_Mermaid:

I've been dealing with this and thinking about all this for years now. Like 3 years. Going back and forth. I've researched and called many shelters. I've called and gotten my name on many lists for low-income rent. Here in southern California, it's a little more difficult than some other areas. We're more crowded, we have way more people needing assistance, so there are tons of waiting lists for help and most are a 1-6 year wait. There are abuse shelters I can go to, but they seem SO drastic for me...I'm being abused, but am not in fear of my life in such a way that would require me to hide out in a shelter, you know? I just don't like the idea of going to one and my daughter and I having no freedom and no space of our own, etc. We wouldn't even be able to bring any of our stuff with us. But I do know that these shelters help single moms get on their feet faster.

I just wish I could find a room to rent in a home with nice people, so then I could go to college and get a job.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)