I literally feel like I am going to explode. Heart is pounding, my hands are shaking and everything in me wants to just destroy the home and throw everything against the wall. I can't take this. This isn't fair. Why am I dished out such crap when I don't have the capabilities to manage it?! I hate being a mom. I never should have become a mom. It is going to kill me. My 5 year old NEVER stays dry through the night and I am SICK and TIRED of waking up and having the kids bedroom smell like an effing toilet. She's in pull ups, the 19 month old in diapers and then this third one is just around the corner. I feel like I like in a crap pile! I just want to leave. Pack up my bags, grab the keys and get the hell out of here. I wish there was military school for 5 year olds. She is 5 going on 16. Her back talk, her attitude and her downright stupidity are more than I can handle. Why does her bio dad have to be such a a-hole and just leave her with me? He gets a damn free pass with this step parent adoption and I am left with all the crap and the behavior problems she inherited from him and his brother. If I would have just broken up with him instead of feeling bad for him those years ago I would not be a mom now. I wouldn't have these problems. I finished college.... for what? I'm stuck at home everyday? It's a freaking mom vortex that I got sucked into when I didn't fight back. When I didn't fight him off years ago. There is so much I wish I could have done differently. I messed up my life and now all I can do is wait until the day I die.