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I felt as if I were being possessed

Posted by Anonymous
  • 9 Replies

I had a horrible episode the other night which made me think that I might need to go back to meds.

background info:

im a single mom to an 18 month boy who is very active.i spent his first 14 months as a SAHM and then I went back to work and he went to daycare.before getting pregnant I was on antidepressants but I haven't taken them after the baby.

i try to keep it all together: motherhood, work, a clean home, etc etc but the other night I was pissed and I had a nervous breakdown.

im pissed at myself forgot being able to get bac into my pre pregnancy body and for not having time to work out. So that Thursday, I was tired as I had to take m sn to the dr after work as according t the daycare provider, he seemed overly tired and had a low fever. He has been sick since dec 20 and most of m time has been used to take him to er, urgent care, dr, etc. so one more time on Thursday, we went to the dr. 

Thur is my weight watchers weigh in day and I was supposed t go after work instead of going t the dr.

 I managed to go wi my son after the dr. And for the theirs week, there was no weight loss but a mild gain. My weight had gone from 164.4 to not trying to get skinny but I ll love t be to 130.

Instead of coming home for dinner, we ate at a restaurant and my son was not in the mood to eat and I ate so quickly that I probably overrate.

then at home my son was not in the mood to sleep and I needed a freaking day starts at 6 am and I don't be more than 30 m break at work and then I was running here and there with my son. He just wanted to play instead of going to bed.

thats when a one point, I felt as if I was possessed and I started screaming: get away from me! Get the fuck out of here.go to bed don't follow me and I was crying and crying.i just wanted to be alone. I love my son but I really wanted to be lane and cry. I even had crazy thoughts like putting my son in foster care for a short period.

It was. Crazy and all because of m anger a m ody.i hate my body. I hate that my sons father used me for sex and then he is not there for us. I hate that looking the way I look, people may fee sorry for the single fat mom instead of being the sexy and fit woman I was

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:52 AM
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Replies (1-9):
by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 1:24 AM
I am so sorry you went through that. It's tough enough taking care of little ones and then you feel like you do and it's just a bad combo !!!
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by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 3:17 AM

You are being pulled in so many directions on a daily basis. I am not suprised it finally got to the point where you freaked out. For me, when I am uncomfortable with my body it changes my whole mood. I also feel like my kids would be better without me when I am feeling bad about myself. You sound so angry. The last 3 sentences of your post show that you have many issues to deal with. Therapy possibly? The other thing is maybe going to a gym with a daycare so you can get a workout in. You don't have to go everyday, but the more you do the better you will feel about yourself which in turn will make you a better parent. Being a single mom is a b***h. I did it with my daughter. It is easy to lose your identity because of the demands.

by Group Admin on Jan. 20, 2013 at 6:11 AM

 i think it would be good for you to get some therapy. i dont know if you would need meds or not. sounds like you need a little down time. is there anyway you can take a day off of work and still take your son to daycare? that would give you a break. keep exercising and going to wt watchers. you will eventually start to lose. good luck.

by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 20, 2013 at 7:59 AM

I am a single mom as well. I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. I love them very much, but I went through the similar things. I had fits of anger. I would lock myself in the bathroom and start kicking the walls. i would get to the point where I had to stop myself from hitting my kids. I am glad that I live with my mom because my kids could go to her. I never did hit my kids, I just wanted to. I don't want to anymore. I go to therapy every other week and I take Lamotrigine. It helps me. I still have bouts of depression, but my anger is nothing compared to what it used to be. I feel like I get upset the way a normal person does... but the only time I really have an issuse is bed time because of the nights that the kids do not want to sleep. I get very frustrated. I used to yell at my kids that way. My son used to tell me that he hated me and that he didn't want me here. I wished that his grandma was here and that I was at work. i got so mad that I told him I was going to leave. I opened and shut the front door and hid in the laundry room. My sister was home and called my entire family all upset because she thought I had really left. I came out of the laundry room and she pushed me and walked out the door. That was when I decided I needed to be on medication. I feel a lot more confident in myself as a mom and I am not so afraid of moving out, that wont happen for a while, but I feel comfortable about it. I am not worried about losing control. I may need that kind of help but if can make me into the parent I want to be and the parent that my kids need than I shall take that help. I feel like my son wants to spend time with me, he wants to be with me. He is still closer to his grandma but I am working on it. I love that he has my mom to go to, but I am his mom and I want to be the person that he turns to. That is my goal for now, is to build our relationship. My daughter and I are pretty close but I was a different person when I had her, I was just a kid when I had my son. I wasn't ready to be a mom and our relationship shows it, but it is getting better. 

by on Jan. 20, 2013 at 12:35 PM


by Leah on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:12 PM

 big hugs! I am a single mom as well. My daughter is 13 now, so it isn't quite as hard, but I remember times when she was little where things got super frustrating.

by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 20, 2013 at 8:29 PM
I'm crying right now reading your post. This is me. And I don't know what to do about it. Everything is too overwhelming.
by Angela on Jan. 21, 2013 at 8:05 AM
by on Jan. 21, 2013 at 8:34 AM

 I was that way before getting on meds. I'm bipolar 2 so I have to be on a mood stabilizer and an antidepressant. Still on the search for the right antidepressant as the gov't so lovingly took away coverage of the one that did work and I can't afford to pay for it myself and no before anyone says this, I checked w/ the makers of the drug and they wont help you if you have insurance which medicaid is considered so and if they won't cover you, then you're just screwed. I still don't consider myself to be the greatest mom at times but before being on the meds, I'd go off on my kids and at the same time, I'd be saying to myself in my head "This is ridiculous. You need to stop. This is a minor thing they did." But I couldn't stop. Are you on any meds? I also see a therapist which can also be helpful. I watch my weight as I don't want to gain since it's a side effect of my meds, but I have days where I overeat or eat too much sweets and what I have to do so I don't get down on myself is tell myself "I wasn't the best w/ my diet today but tomorrow is another day and I'm gonna do better." And make your motive of losing weight for your health's sake so you can be there for your kids and love yourself. It's hard when you hate the way you act but maybe if you seek some help, you can get there :)

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