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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

Why am I always the bad guy?

Posted by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 8:50 PM
  • 14 Replies

So my 13-yr old just ran up the stairs crying....again.  According to my husband I was too rough on her.  All I told her was that she couldn't have a sleep-over for her birthday party.  My reasons were:  that she doesn't listen when she is around her friends, in the past she has done inappropriate things when she has her friends over for a sleep over (raiding the kitchen cupboard, leaving dirty dishes out everywhere, jumping from her bed onto the mini couch in her room and then back and forth, being rude to everyone in her family, etc), plus I don't want to have to stay up until 2 or 3am in order to monitor her and her friends.  Am I being too hard on her?  I know that with my depression I do see things through a negative lens, and it IS her birthday, but I really don't want to have to deal with all this sleep-over crap if I don't have to.  My 11-yr old just had a sleep over party last week and that went fine.  Her friends were respectful and listened to us when we told them they needed to have lights out at a certain time and to quiet down...I just know my 13-yr old and her friends won't behave the same way.  Any feedback would be appreciated...thanks!

by on Jan. 24, 2013 at 8:50 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 24, 2013 at 8:58 PM
You're not being rough with her at all!
Anonymous
by Anonymous on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:50 PM
Maybe be you can come to an agreement her friends can come over but not sleep over due to previous events. I would trust you motherly instinct if anything too.
ZakkarysMom
by Bronze Member on Jan. 24, 2013 at 11:53 PM
I think thats a good idea. I wouldnt let her have a sleep over.


Quoting Anonymous:

Maybe be you can come to an agreement her friends can come over but not sleep over due to previous events. I would trust you motherly instinct if anything too.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 1:15 AM

 maybe she could invite all her friends over for an evening and just have one person stay all night. i would give her the rules before this happened and have her help with cleaning the house before and after.

matreshka
by Ruby Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 9:36 AM

Stay firm, I don't have oler kids but I remember being 13 and being extremely difficult.

Janet
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 10:27 AM

 I agree with you. It's you not your DH that has to deal with all of it! I wouldn't do it either.

alix2299
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 11:14 AM

I feel like such a wimp!  My husband, who is the calm, rational one (in his eyes), talked me into letting her have the sleep over.  The conversation ended with, "I'll support you no matter what, but all you are doing is digging a deeper wedge between the 2 of you, and it IS her birthday."  So I conceded with the caviat that once her friends arrived we were going to sit them down in the living room and spell out all the rules that needed to be followed.  We explained to our daughter that if these rules weren't followed then she would lose sleep-overs for the rest of the school year.  Even with that caviat I still feel like I gave in...then for the rest of the night I felt resentful towards my husband.  Then we argued before bed and ofcourse it was my fault because I was trying to "pin all of this on him," and "being extremely negative."  Then I tried to go to sleep, but couldn't.  I hate going to bed with tension between the two of us.  The more I thought about it, the more he snored, the more he snored, the more I couldn't sleep...the more I couldn't sleep, the more anxious I became.  I started crying and couldn't stop.  I finally came downstairs to take anxiety meds and sleep on the couch.  

leahbeah143
by Leah on Jan. 25, 2013 at 12:26 PM

 make sure you sit down with her before hand and set the ground rules as well as limit the number of girls she has over.

CaseyInKS
by on Jan. 25, 2013 at 6:02 PM

As long as you know in your heart you did what you really felt was right considering all the circumstances that is what counts.


However, having been the black sheep so often I also realize how awful it feels to be seen as (or to think you are seen as) the bad guy.


So in my opinion, humble as it is, I think you are frustrated not just at this experience but what feels to you like "status quo" or "here we go again".   I'm not sure how much of it is self-imposed recrimination we do to ourselves?  Either way, I agree, feelings like that really suck.



gonecrazi
by Silver Member on Jan. 25, 2013 at 6:07 PM

 You are Mom..stand your ground with her.

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