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I REALLY NEED SOME SUPPORT!! (NO BASHING PLZ)

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 7 Replies

Ok so i am in a situation where i honestly need some support and help. Just someone to talk to about this cuz i have no friends that i can trust w this and im a wreck. Here it goes: I have 3 kids. I had my 1st when i was a teenager. It was unplanned. Well his dad was a teen too. He was iffy on if it was his kid but i had no doubts, i knew who i slept with. When my son was born, his dad came to the hospital and held him for literally only 5 mins. Then he left. I didn't hear or see him till 2 yrs later. Well we tried to make things work again for our son. And it ended in a bad situation. Then court. I got custody and he ended up only getting supervised visitations and ordered to pay support. Then his visitation got taken away cuz he never showed up for a single one and never payed ne of the support. Time went on, i got married, had another kid. Then after 4 yrs, i filed for divorce. Well my ex husband had bn raising my oldest as if he was his and my son knew no different. Then when we got divorced, my ex found my oldests' dad! He told my son the truth, which he was only 6 at the time so it was very confusing! Then i found out he was also taking my son to see his real dad. So i tried to reconcile again. Again it ended badly. I havent spoken to him since March of 2011. Well on FB i am friends w some of his family members and i just saw last wk that he was having another baby. He had another lil boy in the end of 2011 and just had another one yesterday!!! He had them w the gf that he had left for me when we tried to work things out again in 2011. I have bn a mess! I cant stop crying over it. I think im just really overwhelmed w the fact that he abandoned me and my son when i was still a kid myself. And hes never stepped up to b a real father to my son or try and help me w him but then he can go off w this other girl and have him a happy little family now?! What about my son?? I just keep looking at the pix on FB and crying cuz those are my son's brothers. I dont know if i should tell him about them or not. This is also causing a problem in my current relationship now too. I have bn w my SO for a yr and a half now and we just had another baby. And he sees how this is bothering me and I feel bad cuz i think he thinks i want my son's dad back, i dont. I want him to take care of ALL of his kids. But idk if this is maybe part of the postpartum depression since ive had my new baby. I just know that it is causing me to just be so down about everything else right now. And idk what to do cuz my thoughts are just driving me crazy!!! Sry so long. I just need some friends plz.

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 31, 2013 at 6:17 AM
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Replies (1-7):
mommadavis8
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 6:25 AM

i have a son who has no idea who his father is he never wanted to step up to the plate my son also has 4 other brothers and sisters he does not know the best thing you can do is don't look at his fb be the mother and father to your son give him so much more love you can't force a man to be a dad 

WillTimsmom
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 6:27 AM
I believe part of this is post partum and part is wanting your son to know his father. Yeah, I get that. My ex DH spent lots of time with our oldest son but aBused & neglected our younger son. I've cried and gotten angry because they can't have a normal relationship.
Then I met and married a man that loves my son and cares for him as his own. So I concentrate on that blessing knowing God brought him into our lives to be a father to my son.
You can't change the feelings your sons father has for him, but You can provide a loving home for your son. Take care of yourself and this post partum blue should pass. If it doesn't please check with your doctor.
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MommysTimeOut5
by Bronze Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:26 AM

HUGS and always remember the grass is not greener on the other side. His situation might seem lovey dovey to others but you don't know what the other girl goes through behind closed doors with him. I wish you nothing but the best

Letha
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:48 AM
I was married to my ex husband for 4 yrs and even then he wasn't in my sons life. I went through a stage like that as well where I was so sad that my ex husband wasn't in my sons life. My ex when on having 2 more kids after I lefted him(which 1 that he doesn't see and one he's in a relationship with is daughters mother ). He also has anther kid older then my son he doesn't see as well. We were young as well when we got together. I'm past that now knowing my sons real father isn't or won't be in his life. It's sad yes but I know there's nothing I can do about it. I've been with my SO for 8 yrs and his been in my sons life since he was 4 and my son is happy with knowing that he's his father. He does no his father and he doesn't want nothing to do with him. He knows the one that's been in his life. Yes, it might be post pardon cuz like I said I went though the same thing. Just know that your son is going to know who's in is life and who's not.
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lyrick24
by Group Admin on Jan. 31, 2013 at 8:48 AM

 if the dad doesnt want to have anything to do with your son then you cant help that. is your current so acting as a father to him? i wouldnt tell him about his brothers right now because he is so young and wont understand. when he gets older he can decide if he wants to have a relationship with his real father and brothers. i think you feel rejected by him which is causing all the bad feelings. you have went on with your life and so has he. it might take some time for you to get over all that is happening. allow yourself to grieve but go on with your life.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 31, 2013 at 7:20 PM
Hold off on having your son meet his siblings for now. It's best you get yourself in a better place and take time to bond with baby and your SO. In a few 5-10 years reevaluate how things are a d decide if its best for them to meet. As long as you know how to find them this meeting can wait until he is much older.
deltathree
by Platinum Member on Jan. 31, 2013 at 7:31 PM

That's hard.  I feel for you.  hugs

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