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So depressed ... Now I just hate myself ....

Posted by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 4:42 PM
  • 10 Replies
I have high anxiety and off and on depression ... I've been really depressed lately and really moody .... Well me and my man got into a pretty bad argument the other nite and I said some really hateful stuff ... He isn't the type to hit a woman .... But I really wish he was ... Instead of hitting me he hit a window ... Luckily it didn't break ... BUT it did break his hand ....,i feel so awful I can't stop crying and its making my depression so much worse ... He said alot of hateful stuff that nite too ..., he says it isn't my fault at all ... He says its his fault for being drunk and stupid ... But if I would have just shut my big fucking mouth and not said the stuff I said then his hand wouldn't be in a cast rite now .... I really wish he would have just hit me .... I'm not looking for sympathy ... Just really depressed and needed to vent .... I can't talk to anybody I know about this .... I feel bad enuf and dont want to burden my friends and family with my bullshit .... I just really wish he would have hit me ..... God I fucking hate myself !!!!!!
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by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 4:42 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Had3girls
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 4:56 PM
Guess nobody has anything to say .... Atleast I got to type it out ... Maybe it will help since I kinda feel like I've talked to somebody about it ...
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matreshka
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 4:58 PM
hon his arm isnt tin a cast because of you, its because he chose to be violent. Can you get some space from him? Maybe stay at a firens owr relatives or have him stay somewhere. It its abusive what he is doing to you.
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Tracys2
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 5:06 PM

Had3girls, a lot of the time nobody is here.

He is abusive, he even admits it, not physically maybe but verbally. But here you go. You are pobably like me if you are here in teh depression group, you hate yourself and you want to punish yourself. I understand completely. First, that physical pain is easier to deal with, second is that you want to be hurt because you hate yourself. Finally, you probably put up with the verbal abuse because it meshes with the self-hatred and the voices in your head that you listen to, just like I do.

You need to get help, and away from the abuse for a while, because it just reinforces what you are already thinking. You are worth it, you are not at fault here. And you don't believe that, do you?

Jazzy2010
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 5:18 PM
I think sometimes things can get out of hand but it doesn't mean you should be hurt physically because of it.
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Had3girls
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 5:39 PM
How is he doing anything abusive toward me? I've ben best friends with him for 8 years ..... He has never put his hands on a woman and only got into 1 fight with a man ... And he tried to avoid that one ... He isn't normally violent ... I don't know what made him get violent this time but I do know that it wouldn't have happened if I wouldn't have said the things I said .... I don't want to stay anywhere else and I don't want him to go anywhere either ... Plus I couldn't if I did want to ... I work in the town I live in and couldn't afford the gas to drive here to work ... But really u don't see a reason to go anywhere ... I'm actually really surprised he doesn't want me to


Quoting matreshka:

hon his arm isnt tin a cast because of you, its because he chose to be violent. Can you get some space from him? Maybe stay at a firens owr relatives or have him stay somewhere. It its abusive what he is doing to you.

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Had3girls
by on Jan. 31, 2013 at 5:45 PM
He isn't abusive ... He hasnever done anything like this before ... This is the first time he has ever even said mean things like he did ... I'm the one that is verbally abusive ... I get so mad and say so much hateful stuff everytime ... Only difference is that he is now physically hurting because my words pushed him to hurting himself ... I just don't see how I'm not at fault =(


Quoting Tracys2:

Had3girls, a lot of the time nobody is here.

He is abusive, he even admits it, not physically maybe but verbally. But here you go. You are pobably like me if you are here in teh depression group, you hate yourself and you want to punish yourself. I understand completely. First, that physical pain is easier to deal with, second is that you want to be hurt because you hate yourself. Finally, you probably put up with the verbal abuse because it meshes with the self-hatred and the voices in your head that you listen to, just like I do.

You need to get help, and away from the abuse for a while, because it just reinforces what you are already thinking. You are worth it, you are not at fault here. And you don't believe that, do you?


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lyrick24
by Group Admin on Feb. 1, 2013 at 3:47 AM

 you should never wish harm to yourself. its good he hit something else besides you and its not your fault he broke his hand. it sounds like he could use some anger management classes and maybe you would benefit from it too if you both said terrible things to each other. you need to learn how to communicate before something like this happens again. good luck hun.

Serenity7
by on Feb. 1, 2013 at 4:41 AM

 (((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))

leahbeah143
by Leah on Feb. 1, 2013 at 11:14 AM

 *hugs* you can't blame yourself for his actions. you're right, maybe some things shouldn't have been said, but he took it to that level on his own. I hope you can get things worked out.

Bertieb
by Member on Feb. 1, 2013 at 12:20 PM

Don't dwell on this situation and let it get you further depressed. We all have moments in our lifetime we regret. The whole thing escalated and turned ugly and now you just need to forgive each other for what was said yet learn how to control your aggression both verbally and physically. If you have a family doctor you could go see him and tell him how you are feeling, he may recommend some medication or refer you to someone for counseling. That is what I did when I had a period I couldn't cope, and it really helped.

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