You need to get out and meet people and make friends. You can take a class for fun. Learn something new and meet others. Join a water aerobics class, I did and have meet wonderful people. Do volunteer work at schools or hospitals. I belong to a wonderful church and made lots of friends. I had to put myself out there. In order to have friends you need to meet others and go from there.
You call them and your obviously in a crisis and they say " well, call me if you need me" and I think " Christ! I'm talking to you now! I've CALLED!"
Yet, they'll call, and want me to be the listening side, which I will, but it is quite one sided.
ACQUAINTANCES are different , they are the ones you chat with at the park ( talk about kids, kids, kids)
I'm sorry , I've given up on physical friends... They always end up as a HUGE disappointment.. I really don't bother anymore.
Hopefully somone else give you better, more positive advice.
It's hard.
PP is right that you do have to get around people. It's hard if you don't want to do anything. Plus, it took me 3-4 years to feel confident enough at church to really even look around, to get beyond the panic. Interest groups ae also good if they are specific enough, because that connection will be strong enough to overcome anxiety or wahtever, ie a reading club could be good or it could be a way older/younger group rerading totally different types of books. Church can also work or not, depending on what groups are already there. But a hiking club or bridge club, you'd know is good.
Even then, it can be tough. I was a member of a church groung kids fo about 2 years. Unfotunately, they were already friends, and the best I could get was for them to say "we'll do X some day" but whenever I mentioned one, it was too late. Same with the people at the gym, the people at the school events, the people at the special interest group.
I tried to smile a lot. I've been luckiest at new groups that everyone is new, or groups that have "outlyer" people that you can befriend, if you are not super-confident.
Another hint, I know I have social anxiety so it's hard for me, even if I do get someone to talk to me a few times or go somewhere once, they disappear after. It's too awkward, I guess. Nobody will tell me what I'm doing wrong. But some areas, at community colleges etc, they have social skills courses, and then if you don't look up at people enough, or scowl instead of smile, or say the wrong things, they would tell you and you could try to fix it! So that would give you confidence and make it easier.
I do find that when depression is under control, it's MUCH easier to deal with people. When it's bad, people can sense it and run away, and you just don't have the calm to deal with those issues.
Good luck! I totally understand, my friendship plan is failing, too. Soooo many people have not wanted to be my friend.
I believe both people have to want the friendship. In order for it to work
It is sad. I had friends until I moved 20 minutes away and across a highway. It is stupid....they never come see me, but I am suppose to go see them. I don't get it...and the friends I have met in my neck of the woods have backstabbed me and done some horrible things behind my back.
I am always suppose to call them...they never call me. I am the one that is suppose to make the moves, not them......
I've had friends but once they went to college and i got pregnant its like i dont exist to them. i moved to a new town in the the middle of no where and its hard making friends. i came to this site to maybe meet someone tht i can connect wit and relate too. if it helps im here mesage me anytime.
I don't want my family to truly know who I am
Prepaid or contract
- mommy06and09
on Feb. 2, 2013 at 9:26 PM