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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

New to group. Trying to handle deep depression and struggling to stay afloat.

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Hello, 

I have struggled with depression since I was 12. I am 26 now and my depression is at an all time low. I considered suicide on Thursday, but reached out when the thought wouldn't go away. I had an emergency counseling session that night and it helped b/c she reminded me that I have two babies at home to care for. However, it is a struggle every single day to not give into the anger and anxiety I have.

I have had so many issues in the past and present that affect me. Right now, I am struggling with my husband pretty much just existing and me supporting him and our girls. I can barely support us and so we had to move in with his family for the 2nd time. As if financial and marital problems weren't enough, I have to deal with his family which is from another culture. I also have issues from my side of the family. I have a sister who we mutually leave each other alone. My brother has his own life and really doesn't want much to do with anyone and lives across the country. My mother has prescription pill issues and alcohol issues. Then the one person I could go to is dead, my dad. He died in 2004 from an inherited disease. I pretty much have no one. I have problems making friends. It is like I can make them and then push them away b/c I don't want anyone too close to me.

I pretty much have hate for myself and am having a hard time trying to find anything to love about myself. I don't overeat, but I eat all the wrong things for comfort. I am obese, by my own doing and it kind of crept up on me. I need to get the weight off and then maybe I will start to love myself, but I have no motivation. My two girls should be enough motivation, but I don't know what is wrong with me. I didn't start gaining all this weight until I met my husband. I was always a little chunky, but when my dad died in 2004 and I met my husband, it just ballooned out. I hate myself for getting this big. Its unhealthy and I don't feed my girls like this, they are 9 months and 2 years old. 

Then there is my marriage. My husband just seems like I am a burden on him. It has always felt like this. We might have a good month or two and then things fall back into the same cycle. He is ALWAYS hooked on some game, but swears it isn't because of me. Then he will sleep if not on a game. In fact, he has been in bed ALL day.

I'm going to stop here, because there is just too much for one post. I even feel like all of this is petty because so many others are going through worse, but I need to get it off my chest.

Thank you for reading and if any responses, but I really needed to just get this down and out my head tonight.

-Stephanie


by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 8:15 PM
Replies (11-17):
lovinlife2005
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 10:40 PM

Thank you! I completely forgot about the nursery in church. I can't believe I forgot it.


Quoting twistandshout:

 Yea, most men do not want to care for the very young children that have to be changed, feed and constantly watched. Which is no excuse. Ya, know as far as church goes. Try gitting up early and getting the kid ready and go to sunday school then church service caues they usally have a nursery and it would give the children and you some good time spent with good people. If your husband sees that you are having a nice time at church then he may go with you. Who knows. I do know know that you need some time away from that house and thar situation.

 



twistandshout
by on Feb. 3, 2013 at 10:45 PM
1 mom liked this

 If ya need to vent I am on and check dailey for my friends. Also there are some really cool ladies on this site with good advice. Remember someone is always here to chat with you if you need it. Love the children for us. God is good and he will look out for us. Hugs

 

lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 6:28 AM

 you are having alot to deal with. does you dh work? he needs to be to help out. i know it must be hard living with your inlaws. i think you might need to be seeing a therapist and maybe a dr. you sound like you are really depressed. maybe then you can start exercising and get to where you want to be.

lovinlife2005
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 8:58 AM

I just started seeing a counselor. My dh lost his job in June 2012. Since then, he applied to the Navy and they are trying to get him in, but it is taking them forever to accept him. It is a longer process since he has dependents and the not knowing 100% is stressing both of us out. He pretty much refuses to look for a job and says he wants to spend the time before bootcamp with our girls, because his specific job won't allow him to be home much. I guess there are many issues to my depression.


Quoting lyrick24:

 you are having alot to deal with. does you dh work? he needs to be to help out. i know it must be hard living with your inlaws. i think you might need to be seeing a therapist and maybe a dr. you sound like you are really depressed. maybe then you can start exercising and get to where you want to be.



nai_ryoku
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 9:44 AM

 I've never actually contemplated suicide before but have thought about how nice it would be to not have to deal w/ life but I always go back to remembering my 3 kids and how much they need me and how much it would devastate them to lose me. We struggle big time. My husband had gotten 2 felonies about 17 years ago and has trouble finding work but even though he denies it, he isn't big on working hard and currently works for a friend who has a tree service job and we live in the Midwest, so you can imagine the current job contracts they have right now...NONE. So right now we're relying on help from our families (which are few who want to help due to how they view my husband). I can't work due to the depression, anxiety, and bipolar. Trying to get on disability but that takes FOREVER and that's IF I get it! So we are waiting to file our taxes. Was planning on having our refund by now but out of the blue, his boss' brother had them do work for him at one of his rentals and now we have to wait on a stupid W2 from him! My husband's a video game addict, sleeps during the day and is up at night. I think he's only around cuz of the kids. So I as well have quite the life! Lol Are you on meds? Sorry, didn't read the other responses if this has already been discussed. I find some relief through meds from my psychiatrist and I'm also seeking help through a therapist. That would be my recommendation. Oh, and losing weight isn't going to help you love yourself. I'm thin and I have the problem w/ loving myself due to what the mood disorders do to me. Your therapist will help guide you to finding self love.

lovinlife2005
by on Feb. 4, 2013 at 11:39 PM


Thank you for responding. I am sorry that you are going through a rough time too. I am not on meds yet, but I am going to see a Dr to help b/c I don't think my counselor can prescribe any. I think meds will help take the edge off so I can better deal with the situations I have. If you need anyone to talk to, I am here b/c it seems like we have some similar issues.

Quoting nai_ryoku:

 I've never actually contemplated suicide before but have thought about how nice it would be to not have to deal w/ life but I always go back to remembering my 3 kids and how much they need me and how much it would devastate them to lose me. We struggle big time. My husband had gotten 2 felonies about 17 years ago and has trouble finding work but even though he denies it, he isn't big on working hard and currently works for a friend who has a tree service job and we live in the Midwest, so you can imagine the current job contracts they have right now...NONE. So right now we're relying on help from our families (which are few who want to help due to how they view my husband). I can't work due to the depression, anxiety, and bipolar. Trying to get on disability but that takes FOREVER and that's IF I get it! So we are waiting to file our taxes. Was planning on having our refund by now but out of the blue, his boss' brother had them do work for him at one of his rentals and now we have to wait on a stupid W2 from him! My husband's a video game addict, sleeps during the day and is up at night. I think he's only around cuz of the kids. So I as well have quite the life! Lol Are you on meds? Sorry, didn't read the other responses if this has already been discussed. I find some relief through meds from my psychiatrist and I'm also seeking help through a therapist. That would be my recommendation. Oh, and losing weight isn't going to help you love yourself. I'm thin and I have the problem w/ loving myself due to what the mood disorders do to me. Your therapist will help guide you to finding self love.



ma1234
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 2:07 AM

It feels good just to get it out. don't ever hold it in, it will kill you one way or the other. If you can't find any motivation in life let it be your children. I wanted to commit suicide plenty times and have tried. but when i think about how hurt my boys would be, that makes me stronger. My boys love and depend on me. I spend time with them, talk to them, and share in their lives. If I was gone, nobody would be with them like me, and they deserve that in their lives because i am all they got and ever really had. if you want to loose some wt, start slow. dance around the house with your girls, take them for a walk, play wii games with them, before you know it you will start shedding a few pounds. just doing something helps.group hug

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