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I dont deserve my beautiful son

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies

 I am bi polar and I have a son who just turned two.

I woke up this afternoon from a nap, in a horrible mood. I just couldnt tolerate anything he was doing. I yelled at him and he didnt like it, I had no patience.

I'm a horrible mom, he deserves so much better. Im such a broken person, with broken pieces and I cant possibly give him what he deserves.

I hate myself. I hate myself, and I dont know what to do because I'm with myself all the time.

I wish I was a different person but I'm not, I try to be a different person and fail, everytime.

and i'm sorry.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:26 PM
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Replies (1-10):
matreshka
by Ruby Member on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:30 PM
1 mom liked this
Please don't be so hard on yourself. I am bipolar as well and it can be really hard at times. Try to find ways to stop yourself like walking out of the room and.taking a few minutes to cool off. I have a 2 1/2 year old boy, I know how hard it can be.
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 4, 2013 at 7:34 PM

 I just woke up in a monstrous mood. Horrible. I hate it when that happens, its like im a completely different person, and its so hard to be better... I cant get away from him when im like that, so I just try and.... let it pass.

Quoting matreshka:

Please don't be so hard on yourself. I am bipolar as well and it can be really hard at times. Try to find ways to stop yourself like walking out of the room and.taking a few minutes to cool off. I have a 2 1/2 year old boy, I know how hard it can be.

 

lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 2:47 AM

 are you taking anything for your bipolar disorder? maybe if you got on a mood stabilizer you wouldnt be as cranky when you wake up. i would talk to my dr. dont guilt trip yourself so bad. your son needs you and we have all been there.

deltathree
by Gold Member on Feb. 5, 2013 at 12:30 PM

Please don't be so hard on yourself mama - hugs.

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 5, 2013 at 2:31 PM
I grew up with a bi polar mom. Get yourself some help, cause your son does deserve your very best, and it sounds like you aren't able to give him that! Take care if yourself, get the help you need and b a better mom to him. You had him, he is your son... He didn't ask for a mom who is bi polar so try to get yourself under control.
I don't even talk with my mother anymore because she was horrible. I don't wish that on u or your son, so dig deep, find help ... Not JUST for you, but for him!
Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:04 PM

 I'm sorry your mom created a judgmental rudster, but I am just fine without your advice. I AM caring for myself the best way I know how, and I am not perfect, but my family loves me and I will work through this part of my life.

Guess what? maybe you just had a shitty mom, besides the bipolar. maybe you have no room to talk about this because you have unresloved issues with your own mother. I cant help that, and its weakening you.

I am so glad you are anon.

Quoting Anonymous:

I grew up with a bi polar mom. Get yourself some help, cause your son does deserve your very best, and it sounds like you aren't able to give him that! Take care if yourself, get the help you need and b a better mom to him. You had him, he is your son... He didn't ask for a mom who is bi polar so try to get yourself under control.
I don't even talk with my mother anymore because she was horrible. I don't wish that on u or your son, so dig deep, find help ... Not JUST for you, but for him!

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:23 PM

 I smoked pot for anxiety earlier and fell asleep. Thats what did it. I cut out that shit today, and took an anxiety pill earlier this morning. I should be fine if I keep that routine. If I fall asleep in the middle of the day, I change. I dunno how to explain it.

Quoting lyrick24:

 are you taking anything for your bipolar disorder? maybe if you got on a mood stabilizer you wouldnt be as cranky when you wake up. i would talk to my dr. dont guilt trip yourself so bad. your son needs you and we have all been there.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 5, 2013 at 3:39 PM
1 mom liked this

don't be so hard on yourself! i also have bipolar i have 3 daughters the oldest 2 are grown and out of the house now but when they where younger   there was a few times that i lost control like this. i never hit them or anything like that but i did raise my voice and abuse is abuse.i found that if  i just walked into another room for a few minutes it did help.at the time i had not been diagnosed and thought i was loosing my mind i am also skisafrenic(have no idea how to spell that)it is very important to be on the right medicines. you do need to get these outburst under control if it gets too bad even at his age put him in his room and walk away! but remember you are human and being bipolar is a sickness does not mean you are a bad mom or bad person after i yelled at my girls i would feel so bad and apologise a hundred times just remember you are not the only mom in the world to raise your voice at your child

Jazmyn1
by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 10:26 PM
Pot is a depressant mama and Im sure you know that a bad day here and there doesnt make you evil or a bad mom everyone even ppl without depression or bipolar yell amd have bad days it will be ok hun hugs
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Anonymous
by Anonymous on Feb. 5, 2013 at 11:21 PM
1 mom liked this
Hugs Momma. He does deserve you. I know you love him with all your heart. How do i know? Cause Im just like you. I always yell and stuff... Seems like that's all i ever do any more. I hate myself as well and always always feel my kids are better off without me but i love them to death. You are definitely not alone.
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