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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

I want to run away (Kind of long) (edit)

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 5:32 PM
  • 15 Replies

I feel miserable. 

In February 2009 I got married

In December 2009 We had our beautiful son. 

In February 2011 my husband and I separated

In February 2012 our divorce was finalized. 

In June 2012 we ended up back together after our son got really sick. 

In November 2012 we moved from Colorado to the middle of no where Wyoming for my husband's job. 

My husband and I moved away from everyone and everything I knew. We moved away from the people who put a strain on our relationship in the beginning. His parents and my parents both caused issues in the relationship.

Well, FIL's job took a crap, so DH got him a job out here. So now, my MIL and FIL will be moving out here with DHs niece and nephew. Thats 4 people. They will be staying in a 5th wheel trailer. Which means they will have to use my kitchen, my washer and dryer and my bathroom. We're in a 2 bedroom trailer. There's 3 of us and 2 dogs... we don't have the room for 4 more people to be "living" here. The only thing they will do is sleep in the trailer. I will never have privacy. 4 more people showering here, 4 more people's laundry here... And just when I thought we were free. 

MIL and FIL are the ones who caused most of the issues between DH and I. And I feel like I am going to lose him again. I am scared that I am going to lose everything I have worked so hard for. Yesterday, DH and I got into a HUGE fight over it. It made me feel like crap. I don't want to lose my husband again, but I feel like a horrible wife. 

I understand that FIL's job is bad and they are barely making it, but I don't want them in my house all the time. I have things I want to do and need to do and I don't want to have to deal with them constantly. I lived with them for 3 years. I am finally free and in my own house. 

I am scared he is going to leave us all the time to do shit for his parents. I feel bad because I don't want to support 4 more people with the water, soap, food and what ever else they need/use. We make a decent amount, but we have our bills. 

I just don't want to lose my relationship with my husband. Again. All of this is making me so depressed and upset. I feel like he's throwing everything away... I seriously want to run away and never look back. 

*edit* So I talked to my husband today about me getting on some antidepressants. He is 100% against it. His reason being "Everyone who takes them becomes suicidal" His sister OD'd on antidepressants in 2009. I tried to explain to him how I am not his sister and I know what to look for. I have been on meds before. I know what to watch for, I know what to report. But he is completely against it. I was hoping he would support this decision and work through my crap with me. I was abused as a child, so I have a lot of stuff going on in my head... I was really hoping he would be supportive of this. I am finally making a stand for my mental health, and he doesn't seem to care. 

by on Feb. 5, 2013 at 5:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:53 PM
I have the same feelings but different reasons.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Feb. 5, 2013 at 7:53 PM
I have the same feelings but different reasons.
ashleighmama
by Ashleigh on Feb. 6, 2013 at 12:02 AM
1 mom liked this
Im sorry mama :-( While Ive never been in your situation, I can totally understand why you feel this way. Its bad enough everything the 3 of you have been through, youre finally away from the toxic people, and now these same toxic people will basically be living with you. Um, NO! I dont think I could do it. And its kind of surprising that his parents would even consider imposing on you like this, its not like you have a huge house with a guest cottage out back theyll be living in. And DO NOT feel guilty about how you feel, your feelings are valid. HUGS!
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lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 2:41 AM

 try and talk with your husband and let him know how you feel and that you dont want the two of them coming between you. try not to argue over it. keep a close eye on everything and let him know when you are feeling neglected. i hope everything works out for the both of you.

DayDreamer1201
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 9:33 AM
I've tried.He says nothing will change, and I'm hoping it won't. I just see everything blowing up...

Quoting lyrick24:

 try and talk with your husband and let him know how you feel and that you dont want the two of them coming between you. try not to argue over it. keep a close eye on everything and let him know when you are feeling neglected. i hope everything works out for the both of you.

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matreshka
by Ruby Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 9:57 AM

I think that if this is unavoidable that maybe getting a workbook on cognitive behavioral therapy and learning to stay sane in this chaos might help, especially if your DH isn't willing to do anything.  You can get the workbooks on amazon for around $20.

I lived in wyoming and know the mental health system and therapy is virtually non-existent.

Something to maybe write a pros and cons list about is staying with DH, if you already have problems that aren't being resolved.

Quoting DayDreamer1201:

I've tried.He says nothing will change, and I'm hoping it won't. I just see everything blowing up...

Quoting lyrick24:

 try and talk with your husband and let him know how you feel and that you dont want the two of them coming between you. try not to argue over it. keep a close eye on everything and let him know when you are feeling neglected. i hope everything works out for the both of you.


DayDreamer1201
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 10:22 AM

We have a lot of things we haven't worked out... Like a lot. I have decided to get in for antidepressants tonight... and I want to get weight loss surgery. I think that has a lot to do with my depression. 


I need to work on myself and make myself happy and I'm going to work on that... 

Quoting matreshka:

I think that if this is unavoidable that maybe getting a workbook on cognitive behavioral therapy and learning to stay sane in this chaos might help, especially if your DH isn't willing to do anything.  You can get the workbooks on amazon for around $20.

I lived in wyoming and know the mental health system and therapy is virtually non-existent.

Something to maybe write a pros and cons list about is staying with DH, if you already have problems that aren't being resolved.

Quoting DayDreamer1201:

I've tried.He says nothing will change, and I'm hoping it won't. I just see everything blowing up...

Quoting lyrick24:

 try and talk with your husband and let him know how you feel and that you dont want the two of them coming between you. try not to argue over it. keep a close eye on everything and let him know when you are feeling neglected. i hope everything works out for the both of you.



proudmomalexis
by Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 10:25 AM
guess in this situation you have to be proactive and set some rules in your home set in place before they come. not an easy thing. give yourself time to leave the house even if its a trip to the library. tell your hubby and his parents your concerns. good luck
my mother in law was a big issue in my marriage for many yrs but thru counseling We survived the last yrs of her life.We have since got rid of the toxic relatives. we no longer let them in
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DayDreamer1201
by on Feb. 6, 2013 at 10:42 AM

I live 50+ miles away from a town. I am literally in the middle of no where... I just bought 4 new books. I will get 4 more every payday when we go to town. I get as many as I want, but 4 seemed to be a good number to last me 2 weeks. So while they are here, I will hide in my room and read. DH says it's because I can't be social, but *I* am the one who has given them all the info for our doctors office, school, and even spent over an hour on the phone figuring out where they needed to apply for medicaid... yet *I* can't be civil... 

Quoting proudmomalexis:

guess in this situation you have to be proactive and set some rules in your home set in place before they come. not an easy thing. give yourself time to leave the house even if its a trip to the library. tell your hubby and his parents your concerns. good luck
my mother in law was a big issue in my marriage for many yrs but thru counseling We survived the last yrs of her life.We have since got rid of the toxic relatives. we no longer let them in


matreshka
by Ruby Member on Feb. 6, 2013 at 12:37 PM

It is good to take care of yourself.  I do just want to caution that pills won't fix situations.  I've been there, often thinking its the fact that I have bipolar that is the main problem in my relationships and have certainly had that used as a scapegoat by my exs.  Its not always the case though.  regardless of mental dx 2 people need to make a relationship work.

Quoting DayDreamer1201:

We have a lot of things we haven't worked out... Like a lot. I have decided to get in for antidepressants tonight... and I want to get weight loss surgery. I think that has a lot to do with my depression. 


I need to work on myself and make myself happy and I'm going to work on that... 

Quoting matreshka:

I think that if this is unavoidable that maybe getting a workbook on cognitive behavioral therapy and learning to stay sane in this chaos might help, especially if your DH isn't willing to do anything.  You can get the workbooks on amazon for around $20.

I lived in wyoming and know the mental health system and therapy is virtually non-existent.

Something to maybe write a pros and cons list about is staying with DH, if you already have problems that aren't being resolved.

Quoting DayDreamer1201:

I've tried.He says nothing will change, and I'm hoping it won't. I just see everything blowing up...

Quoting lyrick24:

 try and talk with your husband and let him know how you feel and that you dont want the two of them coming between you. try not to argue over it. keep a close eye on everything and let him know when you are feeling neglected. i hope everything works out for the both of you.




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