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Why am I still tempted (warning may be a trigger to S.H.)

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies

Okay in case my SH didnt make sense its self harm related so please be warned!

 

 

 

Years ago I self harmed...from the age of 7-20 when I had my baby...

 

Thing is I still get tempted...am I the only one? I havent had the easiest life (who has) been molested, abused, raped, beaten and controled by my ex. Struggled with deppression and suicidal thoughts in Highschool.

But I have a good life now I have a little 7 year old boy, sure its not the best I am a single mom, not really close to most of my family. My EX kept me from most of my friends so dont have too many of those.

I much rather stay home and read romance books and see my self as the muched loved and adored female character that has a good man for her. Then go out. Public places send me into a panic.

But being tempted to cut again??? Hell I am 28 years old...why am I crying reading this and wanting to feel the pain again? I am in enough daily physical pain as it is.

Hoping no one gets triggered from this and someone can help...and no I do not have money for a conceller....

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 8, 2013 at 2:05 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Pixiemaid
by Bronze Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 2:12 AM
Can u go to the er, can someone watch your kids for couple hrs?
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reindeer-c
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 3:04 AM

From what I have heard self harm is easy to fall back into. I also self harm with overexercise and eating disorder issues. It is so easy when we are stressed or anxious to fall into the trap of giving into tendancies that relieve the emotional pain. I try to distract myself or take a Xanax to get through the temptation. I am not much help but I am here to talk if you need me.

lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 6:12 AM

 have you checked with mental health in your area? sometimes they can provide a counselor. or are there any universities around you. they offer there interns to do counseling for a greatly reduced rate. but you really do need to see a counselor. im sorry you are having these feelings.call 211 and ask for whats available in your area for mental health. good luck.

matreshka
by Ruby Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:47 AM

I am almost 35, I used to cut as recently as this fall and I still have urges.  Things I have learned have been to hold an ice cube when the urge is strong and to keep busy with my hands.  I got into jewlery making and I also still do my art.  Some people benefit from journaling, dancing, exercise or some sort of distration.  (((hugs)))

ruggy03
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:55 AM
I really dont think bringing it to the attention of a hospital is a good idea with a child involved.Stop with the romance books they are bullshit,haah get yourself up and look in the mirror with your son and find all the things about each others faces that are the same...use your son as a distraction,even if it means playing i dare ya to eat.....i did that for distraction alot had to stop at a spoon of peanut butter with a drop of hot sauce but you can find all kinds of crazy things in the fridge to mix together.if you call a health department they usually have clinics that go by ur income...call ur local hospital to see if there are abuse survivor groups in town...i always found the temptation came when i felt like i needed to be punished or like i never deserved to be happy....laughing with your child is awesome and the memories of mom eating a spoon of mayo with jelly are alot better then the alternative if ya need to vent message me.......
leahbeah143
by Leah on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:16 AM

 I don't have any advice, but here's a hug!

adwarfstar
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:25 AM

i cut for years all in high school and the only reason i quit was because i got pregnant. i still have urges all of the time but i put those aside when i think of how it'd affect her if i was gone. and it breaks my heart thinking of my little girl in so much hurt and growing up without a mother. learning what happened to me. i think it'd cause her problems later in life. i can't be selfish, so i think of her first. your son wouldn't want you doing such. he doesn't want you feeling upset and what not. try not to for him. i know thats muchhhhh easier said than done. but i have faith in you. i really do.

erikadi
by Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:01 AM

Maybe you can go to a community crisis center. There are community centers that accept state insurance and have programs for people with financial difficulty, but that need regular help.

Serenity7
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 2:15 PM

 ((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))

mayalove
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 5:31 PM
I understand, I started SH when I was in middle school and did it a lit until after a got my NA. Then I stopped. However, there has been time between then and now that I still do it. ( the last time was this week). I'm 31 now. I don't know if it will ever go away.
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