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*UPDATE!!!! Fearing for my family's safety! Not sure what to do, should i try and commit him? (PIOG - long)

Posted by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 4:12 PM
  • 16 Replies
Sorry for the delayed update. That night we sat down with alex's wife. Just me and dh and here. I didnt want alex to know we were talking about him. Just in case he thought we were plotting something. I showed her all the information i had printed out and she was floored! Everything she read completely described him. Even things i had no idea about. She told me that when they were alone, he would be sitting next to her with a stone cold blank face, watching tv but not really watching. Just staring at the tv. Then out of no where he would break out in loud bursts of laughter. When she would ask what he was laughing at, he would look at her all confused and then she said he would start looking irate, tell her to fuck off or call her a bitch and go back to the cold blank stares. She also told me about the delusions that the police were tapping his phone and were out to get him. And the constant accusations that she was planning something behind his back and cheating on him. She also told me about the "demons" that yell at him making him hit himself in the head repeatedly then cry uncontrolably. Her mother has been suspecting schizophrenia for a while - which is why he is not allowed at his wifes mothers house - her mother is completely against their marriage and has been pushing her to get a divorce.
She is completely on board with calling the mobile crisis team. However there is a "but". After a long discussion between all 3 of us, we have decided to wait for a few days (pending behavior - we are all on high alert to any signs of agression and have the local police cheif on speed dial 2, 911 on speed dial 1, and the mobile crisis emergency team on speed dial 3) He has a court date on the 21st for his last arrest - he can not miss it. On the up side, Alex has been in his catatonic like state - no moving much, not speaking since the other night. There has been no outbursts of anger so far. He has been either just blank/bland/flat or slightly confused and a little scared. I was walking to the kitchen last night and passed him in the hall. I accidentally bumped into him. I appologized, and he just looked at me like i was a ghost and was stuck on the wall for a few. He looked at me, then his wife, then me. I asked him if he was ok, he looked at me like he was trying to process the question, but having a hard time. After a few seconds he gave me a kind of nervous "chuckle" with a half cracked smile (like when you try to explain something to some one that doesnt speak a word of english.. they just look at you, then smile and nod) Then he walked over to the couch where his wife was and sat down. - later that night he did talk a little bit. Mostly random single word replies - it showed that he was listening (at least trying) to the conversation in the room. And he asked me if i wanted candy. As per my dh's deciding vote, we will still accomodate alex the best we can, taking as much caution as we can, until the court date. Then we will call the mobile crisis team and have him admitted. In the mean time - we have removed all things that could be used as wepons (scissors, knives, knitting needles, poisons, lighters, heavy blunt objects, all wire hangers etc.) and put them in our lock box in our bedroom in a consealed spot. We programmed all our phones with the speed dials in case of emergencies and sat ds down and explained that if i tell him "emergency time" - that he is to immediatly run out the apartment to the lady below us and knock on her door - no questions asked. We also explained to ds not to bother tio because he is very sick. Dh and I will be with in arms length of ds at all times, just like when he was a baby.
His wife understands that if dh or i feel that our safety may be at risk, at any time, we will make the calls with our without her knowlage. And that she is to, under no circumstances, engage him in any arguments/disputes. I know we may be taking a risk. But, even though we have no idea when and if his moods will change, or what exactly he is capable of, he is still Alex. He is still our friend. So we will take it one day at a time until the court date.
____________________________________________So as i posted a while ago, my friends (married couple) lost their apartment and are staying with me and dh temporarily until they find a place - prob till march or april.Now I have known my friend Alex as long as i have known dh - about 8 years. Dh introduced us. Alex quickly became our little adoptive brother we never wanted - lol just kidding, but he was like family to dh and in turn became like family to me. He lived with us for a few months on and off. And he was just his normal, hyper, goofy happy self. The type that was big into bmx biking and loved to crack jokes and smile and laugh. You were likely to catch him popping out of no where hanging on to your bumber of the car while he was on his bike and you were driving - just to freak you out. A big goof ball, the neighborhood little brother next door.When i was pregnant with ds, alex got caught boosting cars and went to jail for about a year. He came out and was a little different, but nothing too noticeable. We figured he was just adjusting. He was a good kid, just got mixed up in some bad crowds. But he was still normal as to where we felt comfortable leaving ds with him to babysit for a hour or two when ds was 2. Alex was great around kids. A big kid himself.Now we have always thought alex had some ADHD (yes as you all know i think adhd diagnoses in children are bs - just an excuse for bad parenting. But when observed in adults, im a little more open minded and can acknowledge some people with having the diagnosis) No attention span, always had to interrupt you while you were talking for some random left field thought, and always moving!!! omg he would drive me insane!! I have serious issues with repetitive sounds or movements - they drive me absolutely insane to the point i want to throw something. BUT when i do it its doesnt bother me - i always have to have legs shaking - idk it weird, but yeah, I used to make alex sit on his hands at my house cuz he would drive me nuts.Now like i said me and dh had a big sister/brother - little brother relationship. Every time alex would get a girlfriend, he would bring her over our house to get our opinions on her. He really looked up to us and our opinions really mattered to him (he came from a real broken home - was in foster care for a while - i think we became the family he never had) And after a few skanks (they type that got 3 babies from 3 different baby daddies and were out chilling to 5 am every night) he met a real nice girl. We told him she was a keeper and they started dating.A little over a year later and they were married. Before they tied the knot we started noticing some changes in alex. He wouldnt come over and socialize as much. We lost contact for about 6 months or so. When we did see him he was a little more serious, but still expressing happiness and joking around. We figured he was just wrapped up in his new girl. Then we started noticing after they were married that his personality really started to change (this was 2 years ago). He didnt really joke any more. We was serious most of the time and seemed a little depressed. Him and his new wife would argue alot and he would usually head to our house to cool off a bit. Then something happened that we never would have guessed in a million years: After a big fight with his wife (some one who was becoming one of my good friends by now).. he put his hand on her and punched her in the face and beat her up. We were utterly SHOCKED! We would have never have pegged him to be a woman beater. He was always the shy one that would run away from a fight. I remember a few times back when we were 19, alex getting into some arguments around the block and dh stepping in to fight for him because alex just wasnt the type to throw punches.ANYWHO.. I told dh, since alex really looks to you as an older brother, to talk to him find out whats going on and that hitting a woman is not kosher. Dh did and we though we might have gotten through to him. We didnt. The fighting got worse and he started to hit his wife more often. The littlest things would set him off. Then the verbal abuse towards her. Calling her every foul name in the book. One night he came to our house rather late. After he got there, i got a call from his wife, who said she kicked him out and took the keys, so he broke into the apartment and smashed every piece of their furniture. And when she got there he started to hit her. The cops were called, but she later dropped the charges. This was last year.Since then alex has just been completely withdrawn and anit social. We cant even hold conversations anymore. He just seemed completely uninterested in life. And it preceeds to get worse.Last spring/summer he told his wife that he hears voices and has pressure in his head. They didnt have insurance and couldnt afford the psych doc. So we all just tried to handle it as a family unit. Im not stranger to depression myself and i am familiar with bipolar (sister/mother) and dh sister has never been diagnosed but expresses the same behavior as my sister with bipolar. So we all started working together and trying to support alex the best we could. Trying to be understanding of his behavior, trying to talk with him. Nothing worked. Then one day he shows up at my house wearing a home made tinfoil hat. At first i thought it was a joke. BUT HE WAS DEAD SERIOUS!! he said the tinfoil helped with the pressure. He wore it for at least a week straight. His attitude would flip flor between extreme aggression - mainly towards his wife, with violent outbursts - and complete lack of interest and emotion.. just flat/blah. Like the lights were on but no one was home. Then the death threats towards his wife started with intricate detail. Not just "i wanna kill you" .. but screaming how he would stab her in the eyes and throat, blow up her car, break her neck. At this point we were very worried not only for her safety, but we didnt want him around us any more. We have a kid and thats just not something i need in my home.We also found out he was smoking dust.. which we at first attributed to his behavior. Shortly after he got arrested because he stole a gps out of a car when he was lost in PA. He spent 4 months in jail and when he came out, he was fairly normal again. Thats when we just all agreed it must have been the drugs. Then a new weird behavior emerged - He would walk around hunched over with a grimace/scowl on his face and make mouth and throat vocalizations like he was constantly in pain. We would ask him if he was ok.. and he would say yeah, but his face looked like he was trying to pass barbed wire through his intestines (poor metaphor maybe) but he just looked like he was being wrenched with pain coming from his stomach. He stood like this for a few weeks. We thought maybe it was for attention.. but we had no clue. We really pushed for treatment for him. I helped her get the charity care to see the psych doc. They saw him right after alex got out of jail. When i asked my friend (his wife) how it went, she said that he put up a front in front of the doctor and seemed perfectly normal and answered each question with perfect answers - telling the doctor exactly what he thought he wanted to hear. His wife tried to explain the way he was at home and wanted him in for observation so they could see his behavior, but at that point the doctor said no, but to make another appointment.Flash forward to them staying in my home. Alex is completely anti social and doesnt talk at all. He just sits there. When you ask him something or tell him something like "take your snowy shoes off at the door, so you ton track water through the house" he gives you a blank stare with eyes glazed over, and you have to repeat it at least 3 times before he finally responds. And when he does respond he just repeats what you just said. Every movement he makes is done in the slowest, sloth-like manner. Like it takes him 5 minutes just to process the thought to lift his arm when handed a drink. I have been catching him sitting in the spare room staring at a blank tv moving his head back and fourth and making facial expressions and hand movements, like hes having a conversation, but there is no one there to talk to. (like you know how some times when you are thinking like at the super market and trying to remember a recipe - you look up close your eyes, say the ingredients under your breath while counting on your fingers until you remember what you forgot). I started telling dh, that hes starting to make me nervous. The only emotion he ever expresses is anger. One of the conditions of staying in my house was ZERO tolerance for fighting. I told them if they want to argue to take it to the street. There will be no yelling, no cursing, no arguing in my home around my kid. I have had to remind alex about this several times. He starts fights for nothing. He started a fight over chicken nuggets. He was hungry, i told him go eat something. I offered some chicken tenders in the freezer. I told him to pop them in the oven. He was starting to and realized we had no tinfoil. So he started getting very verbal against his wife calling her a "fucking bitch whore" "and that he "would choke the shit out of her if he wasnt in our house" and he slammed the oven shut. All 3 of us were just standing there like "alex, you can put them on a plate. I have oven safe plates" And he was all like "no im not hungry i dont want anything forget it" then he just starts giving his wife dirty looks and making snide comments every chance he got. Trying to instigate an argument. I allow smoking in the bathroom with the window open and the fan blowing out (we live in a big building, cant just keep going up and down the stairs - so the bathroom is the smoking room). Now the bathroom fits 4 people easy. Every time we go in there to smoke and alex comes he makes these agitated mouth noises and rolls his eyes if me or dh so much a bump against his arm. OK.. we decided that we just wont smoke all together. Me and dh will wait. The passed few days i have to constantly yell at him for lighting a cigarette in my kitchen or the room hes staying in. Like no dude bathroom only or you can go outside. its pissing me off. But i dont want to anger him because hes really unstable and at this point im afraid of what hes capable of.Ds is 5 and was pretending to be a ZOMBIE. He was acting like a zombie and trying to "bite" everyone. Which means he pretends to bite you on the shoulder or neck but just really makes that pretend biting noise by your ear. He was playing. So he goes up to Tio (alex) and out of no where alex just yells at him "NO GABRIEL YOU DONT DO THAT IM A BOY AND YOUR A BOY AND YOU NEVER PUT YOUR HANDS ON ANOTHER BOY! DONT EVER TOUCH ME AGAIN! SHOW SOME RESPECT" i turned right around and was like oh hell no. You did not just yell at my son, and yell at him for doing nothing wrong. You could have easily said that you didnt want to play. I told alex to go get some air and if i ever catch him talking like that to my son we would hae serious problems. I called dh immediately after alex left and explained what happened. That was yesterday during the day.Last night we had sil over and we were all talking and joking and bringing it back to funny memories over the years. Alex just sat there on the corner of the couch with a mean looking scowl. Every time you would try and include him in the conversation like "remember the time" He would look at you with his fists balled and shoulders up like hes about to hit something, then say "what" like you just offended him and the look on his face terrified me. Just like pure hate and rage. After you repeated yourself a few times he would give a "uh-huh" breathe heavy and then look straight again and go back to silence. I pulled dh into the bathroom to "smoke a cig" but really to explain what i was seeing and that i was petrified. We went back to the living room like everything was normal and dh now aware, began to observe his behavior. The went to bed around 12am and me and dh started talking. WHAT DO WE DO! Im afraid of him. Im afraid that he going to just start going into a violent rage and start pulling a knife on us or something. I stayed in the living room all night barely sleeping to make sure nothing happened to my son. I had to go to work today but me and dh both agree that under NO circumstances is ds allowed to be anywhere near him unless either me or dh is in perfect visual distance. No more then 2 - 3 feet away at all times. And that ds is never to be left alone with alex or even with alex and his wife. Not even to go to the bodega under us for toilet paper. I even told dh that after school, to take ds to the park and wait for me to come home from work. I do not feel my family is safe. I havent said anything much to alex, because i dont want to set him off. I dont want him to even know that we were talking about him. Before his wife went to bed they started to get into a little argument, she came out to the living room and i asked her if she had ever thought to get him checked for schizophrenia. From what i knew of it and what i observed in alex, with the talking to himself, that anger - it seemed like he maybe suffering. So at work today i looked up the signs and symptoms.. and alex has almost every single one!! right down to the tinfoil hat - WebMD said tinfoil hats with schizophrenics are common. They feel it protects him. Now i def know that he was def not joking last summer. I printed out some paperwork and highlighted all the symptoms and behaviors that alex had - 10 pages and almost all of them are completely yellow. I called a mental health hot line and asked what i should do. In once sense, we love alex as a brother. If he has this illness (which i am 97% sure he has) i dont want to just throw him out into the street. We want to get him help. But i cant have him in my house. I dont feel safe at all. He is dangerous and unpredictable and he is getting worse and worse. The look in his eyes last night... He looked cold, devoid of all emotion other then hate - like he wanted to kill me. I think if i had said anything that may have slightly offended him he would have attacked. So i talked to the hot-line and explained everything and they gave me a number. I would hate to have to make the call to get him committed, with out consulting with his wife first. I mean after all that is his wife. But he is in my house. I dont think i will be sleeping at all unless he is gone. I plan to have sil take ds for a little while after i get home and me, dh and alex's wife are going to have a sit down conversation and i think i might have to tell her either they leave by tonight or she makes the call to the inpatient and has him put into a program. Here in jersey you can be involuntary committed if you are a danger to yourself or to others. (i had to do this to my mom when she went manic and started popping her xannax like candy and tried to stab her husband). Also i forgot to mention that we would catch alex either sitting or standing in weird positions just staring out into blank space - like it was just his shell. And he would be ard to reach. We would have to call his name a few times before he would look at you and then tell him to either relax(if he was sitting) or sit down (if he was standing) cuz hes making us nervous. His wife told me before they lost their apartment she would catch him standing over her while she was sleeping - just staring at her in the dark. It would freak her out.. and she freaked me out when she told me.OK - After that very long vent.. sorry for that. I really am truely scared, for alex, for his wife and for my family. \Do you know any one with schizophrenia? Do/did they have similar behavior?What should I do.. should i give them her the ultimatum to have him admitted tonight or leave? Should i just call the cops? Should i just throw them out?I really have no idea! Oh and i posted here since i couldnt find a schizophrenia group - will be posting in other groups as well.
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 4:12 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 4:24 PM
He reallly needs to be committed!!
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by Group Admin on Feb. 14, 2013 at 5:08 PM

 he needs to be hospitalized before he hurts someone. it will be the best thing for him and maybe thay can get him regualted to where he can at least function in society. i had  a step brother who was schizophrenic and went undiagnosed for a long time until i brought it to my stepfathers attention and they got him tested.

by on Feb. 14, 2013 at 10:10 PM
You should help her get him committed, don't just kick them out unless they are showing you that they are not trying to get him help....
And I just have to add that you offended me with your comment about children being diagnosed with either add or adhd being bs that its just bad parenting, WELL FUCK YOU. WHAT MAKES YOU A CHILD EXPERT, YOUR SON IS 5... I have 2 children that are add and adhd positive and I have been told by people who are counted as experts that I am a great mother.... so sometimes kids with those diagnosis really do have just that...
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by Anonymous 1 on Feb. 14, 2013 at 11:15 PM
I would get him committed ASAP before he hurts himself or someone! I would of done that a LONG time ago when I've seen the signs! Throwing out is just cold hearted. It will only make matters worse being that he isn't in his right mind! My mom had my dad committed several times cuz he has schizo.
by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:38 AM

first of all, i just looked and if you google search schizophrenia support groups online you will find something. i believe you can also talk to someone online . whatever you do, do it NOW.the longer you wait the worse it could be for all. what it sounds like he needs is some sort of psychotic medication like Thorazine. you can call the police if you want and ask them if they could bring them to the psychiatric ward in the nearest location. a regular arrest where he would go to jail would just set him off worse and he would not get help there.

by on Feb. 15, 2013 at 12:15 PM

 Yes have him committed

by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 9:58 AM

My aunt and an ex of mine have schizophrenia. My aunt committed suicide. My ex had a complete psychotic break on me that was extremely violent (horror movie violent).

I would not call the cops because that could end up bad.  I would either have DH drive him to the hospital that has a psych unit and send him into the er for a crisis eval or call 911 to have them send over an ambulance so that he can get an eval. either way they will most definitely put him in the psych unit based on the stuff you told us.

Going to harsh on treatment can drive people away from getting help.  I know that from my own experience as a woman withbipolar 1 with psychotic features.

by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 11:29 AM


by Group Admin on Feb. 16, 2013 at 3:19 PM
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 just be very careful. if he needs the help before court, see that he gets it.

by on Feb. 16, 2013 at 3:27 PM

 I'm so glad to hear you spoke to Alex's wife. It was very smart to take the "dangerous" objects away and to have an emergency plan of action. I sure hope you guys can get him the help he so very much needs. Keep us posted on his progress.

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