Like a ton of bricks. Yesterday and today I have been looking in the mirror.. That evil thing, and I feel horrible about myself. Not gaining weight but how my body looks. My skin is grey looking (maybe because its winter) and my hair is never nice. I gave up on makeup because makeup gave up on me and my eyes remind me of a lopsided gold fish. I am only 21 and pregnant with my first child. I am scared of looking like my mother at this young age. I try to walk but I can never find the courage to go outside. I am uncomfortable in my own skin. Any pair of eyes on me makes me uncomfortable and anxious. Idk what to do. Being pregnant is a beautiful thing and I am so happy that I am but I am so scared for what will happen after. And on top of worrying about that, my social problems have proved unimaginary. I am not sure if it is because of my history of depression or because of my inability to look down at my body without disgust. Any similar thoughts or ideas? I can't tell anyone this because they will say ... Hormones. And I'm tired of being shrugged off by that word.
on Feb. 19, 2013 at 1:28 AM