How to open up to therapist?

[svannie]

Hi all,

I am in therapy for depression and the such.  I've been seeing my therapist for about a year already.  She has established that she knows what she's doing, she's trustworthy, she cares, etc.  But I am having the hardest time opening up.

It isn't her.  It's me.  I don't really open up to people in general.  I know I need to talk through some painful things from my past and the last few years in order to really heal. But I just can't.  I have a block up; a wall which I can't define.  Part of me is scared that I will go completely crazy if I start looking at some things from my life.  Part of me thinks I'm tough and can handle it all without talking.  Part of me just doesn't want to rely on someone else emotionally.  And then there is the big part of me that won't talk for reasons I cant figure out.  I feel stuck.  

My therapist knows I'm stuck and is doing her best to help me through, but I just feel like a stubborn mule.

How can I open up to my therapist?  Any ideas?

[ashleighmama]

I was in the same spot as you when I was younger, Im now 41, but once I was able to open up, it was like I almost couldnt stop talking. My main issue I had to deal with 20 yrs ago was my bio dad molesting me. I was embarrassed kind of, even though I knew it hadnt been my fault. I was almost embarrassed to talk about it because I didnt want to have to use the "proper" words, thats just not me. She reassured me that shes heard it all, most therapists have, and that whatever I said would not offend her, so I finally let it out, in MY words, and it was a relief to get it out. I swore, I cried, I hit the armrests of my chair with my clenched fists, it was strange at first, but a relief. You wont go crazy if you start talking about these things, I thought I would too, but eventually its gonna eat you up if you dont get it out. I know trust is hard, but you can do it mama! Hugs!

[matreshka]

What is the most important thing you want your therapist to know about you that she doesn't already?  Start with that.

[JansRainbow]

I had the same problem. I feared if I let myself feel everything I would go "crazy". But he told me what better place to let it all out. Still I had a hard time. I feared that I would do something terrible and he wouldn't want to see me anymore. I was with him for 18 years. I never did let myself completely go. That was 13 years ago.  I moved away and he retired. The therapist I have nowI feel more comfortable with, plus I am a lot older and less scared.I have grown and learned it is OK to tell them all what I need to get out. Trust has to be there. Start out with one thing. They want to help you, let them.