new here..where to start..

[Mnikole92]

I'm so glad I found this group, I'm hoping to get the support I need.I'm depressed, I just know it. And the sad thing is I'm exactly like my mother. I grew up watching her lay around, not clean, not cook, she would get up long enough to send me and my brother to school and then she'd go back to bed and sleep for the rest of the day. I watched her attempt to commit suicide numerous times, it all started after her mom died of lung cancer. And now four years after all of it, my mom is finally healthy and happy again. But me? Not so much. I moved away from my home state in January to be with my husband who is stationed here in Colorado. Everyday it gets worse. I have to drag myself out of bed in the mornings, I'll fix my ds(2) a bowl of cereal and lay back down on the couch until lunch time and then do the same thing again. I feel like a horrible mother. I'm not the wife or mom I should be. I don't want to clean, I don't want to cook. The laundry just keeps piling up. I can't even find the energy to play with my son. He always wants me to come play but i always put it off and I feel terrible about it. Sometimes I just sit in the shower and cry for awhile and then get out and pretend how happy I am when my husband walks in the door from work. I'm away from my family, my friends, we're in debt, and to top it off I found out on Friday my great grandmother passed away. I only see things getting worse from here. I hate everything about me. The way I look, how huge and disgusting I feel, I'm very self conscious. I'm just miserable, but I don't even want to go to the gym or do anything to change it. I just feel like what's the point anymore? I don't see myself coming out of this dark hole. I just don't know where to turn. :(

[lyrick24]

 you need to start out by seeing a therapist and then let them set you up with a dr. you sound like you need to be on meds for depression.i have been in your shoes before and there is help. please dont put off getting it. you can be better.

[matreshka]

You can get out of this.. Depression tricks people into thinking they will never get better. Seeing a therapist can really help.  Maybe even talking to a psych doc as well.

[Tracys2]

Yes, I've been there too, and there is help. Don't let it seem hopeless. I'm taking an anti-depressant that costs me $10 per month with no insurance. I've seen good sliding-scale therapists. There IS hope. Talk to your mother about what she took, since often the same things work within families.

It gets better. It really does. 

[leahbeah143]

 *hugs*

Try finding a therapist or somebody to talk to.

[flowrsgalore]

Here is my pat answer, quick fix.  Get yourself dressed & take your son out doors.  I have no idea what the weather is like in CO, maybe it's awful idk. Can you get out of the house & go somewhere, community pool, some other play area for your little on, library?  Therapy & medicine of course are good but for a immediate perk up, getting out of the house is helpful for me.

[dizzy77702]

I totally understand where your coming from. I've had bipolar disorder my whole life. I've tried different Meds and different therapists. I find what works for me is keeping busy. I know that's hard when you lack energy and motivation. For me it's sewing and other crafts. I don't work bc I am on disability so at times it can be isolating. I also moved for my husbands job and don't have a big support network here. I try to get out of the house as much as possible. I volunteer when my kids are in school and try to work out at the gym a few times a week. Excersize does help even if its just a quick walk around the block. Hope this helps. Message me if you need to talk.

[gonecrazi]

 Hello and welcome...

[Mnikole92]

Thank you ladies. I made me a dr appt today but it's not until the end of the month. Until then I'll just keep pushing on. And also some wonderful ideas you ladies have, I'll be trying some to boost my mood a little

[snookyfritz]

Welcome to the forum.  I know exactly how you feel.  I'm in a bit of a slump right now too.  Though due to my medication it's not as low a low as I used to live in. 

Like the other smart mommies above said, therapy and possibly medication.  You don't have to feel awful all the time

[nai_ryoku]

 You sound a lot like me. You're not alone. Therapy, psychiatrist, and meds have what helped me. I don't cook much anymore like I used to after having my 3rd child and rely more on "instant" foods, my house is never totally picked up. I'm doing good if my livingroom and kitchen look halfway decent. I sometimes forget to shower for a few days unless I'm going somewhere, and my dream day would be just laying around. But since my psychiatrist has got me on a good combination of meds, I don't have days like I used to where I would get up and dread that I had to start my day, dread the entire day, look forward to bedtime, and then rejoice as I was walking to my bed. Not feeling that way is a successful day to me! My therapist has made me realize that I'm not a bad mother if my kids are happy and healthy despite the fact that my home isn't picked up, laundry is piled up, and my dishes need to be done. Definitely try to find a therapist to talk to and don't be close minded to getting on meds if need be. There is a light at the end of the road. Don't get me wrong, I do have setbacks but overall, meds and talk therapy have done wonders for me!