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tired of feeling like I need to be 'fixed'

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 7 Replies

I guess I'm starting to take it all personal; all the talk of my 'problems' and how I can get 'better'. 

I just feel like my therapist and my husband are always telling me that I don't trust people, I'm moody, I don't share enough, I don't cry enough, I don't cope well, I create cycles that don't benefit me, I don't reach out to people, I isolate, I don't sleep enough, I drink too much, I cut, I take too much on, I don't ask for help....basically, all I hear is that I need to change.

Some things do need to change...yes.  But what if I just am who I am, and who I am is just fine?  What if I don't need to be fixed?  I'm so tired of working on my 'issues'.  I just don't care anymore.  And I highly doubt I'm gonna do much changing.  A little, sure, but in reality...am I really going to learn to trust?  Probably not.  But maybe that is just who I am and maybe that is OK.  More and more I feel like I am to change into this person that is culturally valued-calm, collected, outgoing, professional, healthy, balanced, etc...but that just isn't me.  Lots of great artists, thinkers, entertainers, writers, were/are depressed.  And those people are a gift to the world. 

I'm straddling this line between wanting to be 'nomal' and wanting just accept who I am, no matter if I'm not the most functional person.  Going to therapy makes me feel like I how I am isn't OK.  I'm having a hard time figuring out the difference between personality and affliction. 

I'm not articulating this well...all in all, I just am tired and resentful of feeling like I need to be 'fixed'. 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 8, 2013 at 5:01 PM
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Replies (1-7):
matreshka
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 7:35 PM
I totally understand. Have you talked.to your therapist that maybe you want to spend less.time on your problems and more time on accepting yourself? It can be draining to always hear what's wrong all the time.
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Jazmyn1
by on Mar. 8, 2013 at 11:10 PM
I totally understand that and agree you should work on excepting yourself. I myself have these things as well. Everything I do I feel is judged. I dont reach ot to my family well if they cared why dont they ever visit me. I dont trust, I am who I am. Im tired of comparing myself to others. Also others may suffer from what I do but not to the degree I do and they dont understand they just judge. It sucks but just live for you and love yourself
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leahbeah143
by Leah on Mar. 9, 2013 at 10:29 AM

 maybe they are all under the impression that your are trying to be "fixed". Talk to your therapist about which aspects you would like to work on, and which aspects you are accepting of. Maybe you can try to focus on that.

lancet98
by Bronze Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 11:21 AM

Drinking too much, cutting, isolating oneself, not asking for help.

Yes.  You need to change a lot of things.

You may as well face it and stop trying to consider self-destructive, harmful behavior as 'normal' or 'your personality'.   Your personality, who you are, has nothing to do with these things.   These are merely habits and bhaviors that have to be gotten under control so they don't ruin yours and other people's lives.  

 They are no more 'you' than a broken leg or an infected cut is 'you'.

'Normal', is, in fact, not a word that therapists use, but a word that resentful people who don't want to work at managing their self destructive habits, use!  

 These changes are not at all about being 'normal' or other people being better than you - this is all about you learnng to control habits that HAVE been controllng YOU - and making life for you and others around you, miserable.

Time for a little reality.   Dealing with these things affectively is about survival - YOUR survival. 

Time for a little MORE reality - we all have things we work at - most of us - we work at all our lives.   Everyone is a 'work in progress', and EVERYONE is always learning better ways to do things. 

Everyone has problems and everyone is working on them all the time.   And guess what?   It's gratifying, empowering and satisfying to make progress against those behaviors!

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop complaining, get back to work.  No one thinks any less of you or anyone else who has tough things to face and conquer.   Such things no more define you than an infection or cold, define you.

Years ago I had a plantar's wart on my foot.   it was uncomfortable, painful, annoying, and it affected how I walkd, how I sat, how I slept.  It made my hips sore, my knees sore, and it caused me to shift weight more onto one foot, damaging the arch, causing hammer toes, and causing circulatory and nerve problems.

Finally, I tentatively stuck my nose into a doctor's office, and had him look at it, all the time pulling it back away from him.

The doc said, 'We gotta get rid of this thing, it's ruining your foot, your knees, your hip and your back'.

'H...h...how do we get rid of it', I said, clutching my foot like some idiot who had suddenly fallen in love with his plantar wart!

'Why, we cut it off!   It hurts for a while and then it's healed.   And you go on, without your sore foot, without your sore knees, without your sore hip, without your sore back'.

And at that point, I clutched my foot close to me and whined, 'But it's MY plantar's wart!'

He laughed til he almost cried.  'Evidently you've fallen in love with your adorable little plantar's wart!   Come back when you're ready to have it lopped off!'

That's what you're doing.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:39 PM


Wow...OK...tough love here lancet98.  Hard to hear, for sure, but necessary to hear.  Thanks for shaking me back into reality.  You are right.  I gotta get myself in gear and get back to work.  

You should be a personal trainer!  You definitely gave me the motivation I needed to get my butt back in the game!

Quoting lancet98:

Drinking too much, cutting, isolating oneself, not asking for help.

Yes.  You need to change a lot of things.

You may as well face it and stop trying to consider self-destructive, harmful behavior as 'normal' or 'your personality'.   Your personality, who you are, has nothing to do with these things.   These are merely habits and bhaviors that have to be gotten under control so they don't ruin yours and other people's lives.  

 They are no more 'you' than a broken leg or an infected cut is 'you'.

'Normal', is, in fact, not a word that therapists use, but a word that resentful people who don't want to work at managing their self destructive habits, use!  

 These changes are not at all about being 'normal' or other people being better than you - this is all about you learnng to control habits that HAVE been controllng YOU - and making life for you and others around you, miserable.

Time for a little reality.   Dealing with these things affectively is about survival - YOUR survival. 

Time for a little MORE reality - we all have things we work at - most of us - we work at all our lives.   Everyone is a 'work in progress', and EVERYONE is always learning better ways to do things. 

Everyone has problems and everyone is working on them all the time.   And guess what?   It's gratifying, empowering and satisfying to make progress against those behaviors!

Stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop complaining, get back to work.  No one thinks any less of you or anyone else who has tough things to face and conquer.   Such things no more define you than an infection or cold, define you.

Years ago I had a plantar's wart on my foot.   it was uncomfortable, painful, annoying, and it affected how I walkd, how I sat, how I slept.  It made my hips sore, my knees sore, and it caused me to shift weight more onto one foot, damaging the arch, causing hammer toes, and causing circulatory and nerve problems.

Finally, I tentatively stuck my nose into a doctor's office, and had him look at it, all the time pulling it back away from him.

The doc said, 'We gotta get rid of this thing, it's ruining your foot, your knees, your hip and your back'.

'H...h...how do we get rid of it', I said, clutching my foot like some idiot who had suddenly fallen in love with his plantar wart!

'Why, we cut it off!   It hurts for a while and then it's healed.   And you go on, without your sore foot, without your sore knees, without your sore hip, without your sore back'.

And at that point, I clutched my foot close to me and whined, 'But it's MY plantar's wart!'

He laughed til he almost cried.  'Evidently you've fallen in love with your adorable little plantar's wart!   Come back when you're ready to have it lopped off!'

That's what you're doing.



lancet98
by Bronze Member on Mar. 11, 2013 at 1:42 PM
2 moms liked this

 

LOL  -  you're gonna do good!   you're made of some pretty strong stuff, underneath your troubles!!!!

Cutting, drinking, these are surface problems, they don't have to define you.    If you can respond that way to direct talk, you can also build a new life for yourself.

What you just wrote, THAT is your personality - dignity, grace and toughness.    The  other stuff is not you.   THIS is who you are

Quoting Anonymous:

 

Wow...OK...tough love here lancet98.  Hard to hear, for sure, but necessary to hear.  Thanks for shaking me back into reality.  You are right.  I gotta get myself in gear and get back to work.  

You should be a personal trainer!  You definitely gave me the motivation I needed to get my butt back in the game!

Quoting lancet98:

Drinking too much, cutting, isolating oneself, not asking for help.

childofGod995
by on Mar. 11, 2013 at 4:34 PM

Phillipians 4:13-I can do all things through him who strengthens me.angel

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