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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

I dont think I'm helping my daughter much

Posted by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 10:51 PM
  • 9 Replies
Long story short, I found out about two years ago that my daughter has been molested by my sons father. Although we have been through that situation and he has been put in prison, she still seems to be bringing it all up. I got her back into therapy but just recently have been told that she needs to be seen weekly now since she told her case worker that she feels like the guy that molested her still yells at her. Any time she's alone, or doesn't have anything to do, she ends up going down this hill of her past. But I dont know if I'm being any help. I dont live near any family, nor any friends. My parents split up and moved away, and my brother has his family to worry about. And with everything that has happend in my life, I worry about getting close to anyone. And I think it effects my DD because she is such a social butterfly. She wants to go spend nights at other friends houses, or have friends come over all the time, but I cant get myself to talk to the other kids mom. And I worry about her getting close to her friends, I dont want her hurt anymore than what she has already has been. Let alone be hurt like I have been on top of that. I know that I need therapy but between my son and his development delays, my DD and her therapy appointments, appts for dentist, yearly checkups, DD had hearing problems because she keeps getting ear wax build-up. Its like my middle child is the only one I haven't had consistent appointments for, and thinking about setting up more appointments for my therapy just feels more like added stress, more work to miss out on, or more struggle to figure out how to manage my schedule, I dont even have either of the exes in the picture to help me, not even a sign of child support either. I just feel so overwhelmed, I want to help DD, help her deal with what has happened so she can move on from it.....
by on Mar. 17, 2013 at 10:51 PM
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Replies (1-9):
ashleighmama
by Ashleigh on Mar. 18, 2013 at 12:20 AM
Wow, you have a lot on your plate. Is it a possibility to move closer to your family? Would you even want to? It kinda sounds like you need a break. Help from family, if possible, would be great. It seems that going to therapy may at 1st be a pain in the rear, but if you have the right therapist, you may find you look forward to your appts. It sounds like you have social anxiety? I do too, I know how much it sucks and how lonely it is. I actually look forward to therapy, I usually cry almost the whole time, and sometimes Im a wreck when I leave, but a little while later, I feel a weight has been lifted off me, like Im cleansed. I commend you for raising all 3 of your kids on your own, that right there makes you awesome. Stay strong mama! Hugs :-)
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Serenitymom
by Bronze Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 12:53 AM

Majority of my family live in small towns. I used to live near my dad's side of the family but they worked and had their own things going on, we were never really close to them anyway. My dad actually moved out of the country, he's in belgium. I grew up in a military lifestyle which is why my family is so scattered. My mom moved halfway across the country from me after their divorce. All the friends I had disappeared after high school, my two oldest father kept me from talking to anyone. I wasn't ever able to reconnect with them, well they all scattered to different places now. That was like seven years ago. I haven't had any time to really make any new friends here, plus its hard to me to really connect to anyone after being abandoned by my parents, and treated like crap from my exes.

Yeah your probably right about the therapy. I've been needing to get into therapy for a long time, its just I worry of missing out on work to much or having to much to juggle. I've had to literally get an agenda calendar just to keep track of all my appointments and such. Maybe once things have calmed down a bit and I get the ball rolling with my son's developmental delays I'll be able to have some time. I'm just so depressed with my oldest not being able to move on, I feel like its my fault that she's in so much pain and I want to fix it.

Quoting ashleighmama:

Wow, you have a lot on your plate. Is it a possibility to move closer to your family? Would you even want to? It kinda sounds like you need a break. Help from family, if possible, would be great. It seems that going to therapy may at 1st be a pain in the rear, but if you have the right therapist, you may find you look forward to your appts. It sounds like you have social anxiety? I do too, I know how much it sucks and how lonely it is. I actually look forward to therapy, I usually cry almost the whole time, and sometimes Im a wreck when I leave, but a little while later, I feel a weight has been lifted off me, like Im cleansed. I commend you for raising all 3 of your kids on your own, that right there makes you awesome. Stay strong mama! Hugs :-)


ashleighmama
by Ashleigh on Mar. 18, 2013 at 1:19 AM
Ok, mama, listen to me: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT YOUR DAUGHTER IS IN PAIN, ITS THE ASSHOLE THAT MOLESTED HER, ITS HIS FAULT. Im not yelling at you btw lol, just want you to know in your heart and mind that what I just said is true. My parents divorced when I was 4, my bio dad molested me from 6 to 8 yrs old. I never told ANYONE about it until I was 19. It was never my fault or my moms fault or my step mom or brother or sisters fault that I suffered. It was my asshole bio dads fault, and his fault ONLY. HE did it, not anyone else. Im glad the bastard that did this to your child is in prison, thats where he belongs. I cant even imagine how hard it must be as a mom that your girl deals with this, but NONE of it is your fault. Just keep reassuring her and loving her and telling her that NONE of it is her fault either. Im 41 now, and my bio dad is free, always has been. The only time I will get closure is when he is dead. The statute of limitations was up in my case. Like I said, youre amazing for what youre doing!

Quoting Serenitymom:

Majority of my family live in small towns. I used to live near my dad's side of the family but they worked and had their own things going on, we were never really close to them anyway. My dad actually moved out of the country, he's in belgium. I grew up in a military lifestyle which is why my family is so scattered. My mom moved halfway across the country from me after their divorce. All the friends I had disappeared after high school, my two oldest father kept me from talking to anyone. I wasn't ever able to reconnect with them, well they all scattered to different places now. That was like seven years ago. I haven't had any time to really make any new friends here, plus its hard to me to really connect to anyone after being abandoned by my parents, and treated like crap from my exes.

Yeah your probably right about the therapy. I've been needing to get into therapy for a long time, its just I worry of missing out on work to much or having to much to juggle. I've had to literally get an agenda calendar just to keep track of all my appointments and such. Maybe once things have calmed down a bit and I get the ball rolling with my son's developmental delays I'll be able to have some time. I'm just so depressed with my oldest not being able to move on, I feel like its my fault that she's in so much pain and I want to fix it.

Quoting ashleighmama:

Wow, you have a lot on your plate. Is it a possibility to move closer to your family? Would you even want to? It kinda sounds like you need a break. Help from family, if possible, would be great. It seems that going to therapy may at 1st be a pain in the rear, but if you have the right therapist, you may find you look forward to your appts. It sounds like you have social anxiety? I do too, I know how much it sucks and how lonely it is. I actually look forward to therapy, I usually cry almost the whole time, and sometimes Im a wreck when I leave, but a little while later, I feel a weight has been lifted off me, like Im cleansed. I commend you for raising all 3 of your kids on your own, that right there makes you awesome. Stay strong mama! Hugs :-)


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lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 7:21 AM

 if therapy is going to help you help your daughter then i would squeeze it into my schedule! good luck momma!

leahbeah143
by Leah on Mar. 18, 2013 at 10:44 AM

 *hugs*

 

childofGod995
by on Mar. 18, 2013 at 12:55 PM
1 mom liked this

as for your daughter bringing up the situation she experienced; she will never forget it and it will not go away. talking about it is the only way that helps and being her mother, she has to draw close to you that way so she does not feel alone.her going to see a therapist for what she is now experiencing is helpful. it will take quite awhile for her to work through this. she is obviously experiencing depression and the most important thing to do for that is keep busy. you need to get close to your daughter if anything else you do. i would not worry about your other family right now.you can not keep trying to protect your daughter. she has to get out and socialize which is very important for her situation. in or der for you to feel secure, talking to the other parents is very important. i am sure it will mean a lot to her. if you do not let her get close to her friends, she will never get out of this depression and she will never learn to trust again. we can not protect our children forever.as for therapy, i would make it family therapy so everyone can get their emotions out. as for the earwax build up, that could be taken care of in no time at all i am sure. as for appointments for yearly checkups; like it says "once a year".as for missing work goes; you can always work around your schedule. if you work days, make the appointments for after work. perhaps on some days when you do not have to work. as for child support, i would press on and get the child support payments started or talk to child support services about what you are going through.you may have to move back where your family is and where your friends are. it might really help.good luck 

Serenitymom
by Bronze Member on Mar. 18, 2013 at 8:45 PM

Thanks ladies, I appreciate the responses and resoning. I've been having a bad week, been sleeping a lot then last night I couldn't sleep and all I could think about is how she's still hurting from what happened to her and it just got me depressed. She's up and down, and I worry that she'll be effected for the rest of her life, I just hope I'm doing the right thing to fix everything.

radha22
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 5:34 AM

I am with the  childofGod995 . Looks like she has shown you the way out of your problems. Hang in there.

Hugs

radha22

nai_ryoku
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 9:12 AM
She's always going to remember what happened and the therapy will help give her the coping skills to deal w/ the bad moments. The best way to help her is get her help. I'm so sorry you have so much going on in your life right now. I'd be pulling my hair out. My heart goes out to you as my daughter experiences panic attacks from time to time. I think she's inherited stuff from me and it really is heart wrenching!
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