How do you go through your depression alone
I am a 31 year old single woman and I have 2 daughters. I have been on and off with their dad for over 13 years. I do not have friends because of my depression and anxiety so he is really all that I have. I do have family but I am not that close to them. I visit my parents every weekend and that’s about it. I cannot talk to them about anything so I visit, say my hellos, let the kids spend time with them and then leave. I have no one in this world that I can talk with and relate to. My kid’s father has been unfaithful quite a bit in the past and I would always go back to him after we break up for a couple of months or so because I get so lonely. I have told him that if he cheats again that I am going to really be done with the relationship this time but honestly I think that I will be afraid to let him go because he is the only person in this world that I have. I sometimes feel that he senses that I need him and I don’t want to be like that. Sometimes when he is away with his friends I get a little jealous because he has never had a problem with making friends and I do. I feel weird being an adult and not having friends. I have made friends in the past but the friendships never last because either I will push them away when I get depressed or they try to get over on me in some kind of way. I don’t mind being single it’s just the lonliness that gets me. Not having other adults to talk to. I must admit that I am a bit different. I do not club or enjoy being in places where there are tons of people. Right now it feels as if everything is against me. I try to look ahead but can’t seem to think about what my future will be like. I have been counseled several times but no matter how much counseling I do I feel better for a while and then it starts getting worse again. Sometimes I feel like I may need to do counseling for the rest of my life because that is the only time that I have someone to talk to about my feelings and what I’m going through.