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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

Spilled my guts..

Posted by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 7:53 PM
  • 8 Replies

I have never had a great relationship with my dad.   It was really bad.  He has other kids, but got my mom pregnant left their mom (she was cheating too apparently) so I was born and although my father was a good provider, meaning clothes on my back, food on the table and roof over my head I never felt loved.  It was always his son from his first marriage (he had 4 living children from first wife, another son had died at age 5) and my bilogical sister whom was born 2 years after my parents did get married and then my oldest son.    I endured emotional, verbal and on one occasion physical abuse.  At 16 I was pregnant and married and out of there.  My husband (although conditions were not ideal) saved my life. I was headed down and very dark path.  

Dad is now 82, my mother died from cancer in 2006 (she was 11 years younger than him).  

At age 78 my dad was very sick and had heart surgery that was very difficult, the dr's said he probably wouldn't survive.  He did, he is a strong man.  He now suffers from Heart Failure, Renal Failure, COPD, Diebetis, Glaucoma and a few other things. 

I was the only child to step up, he even lived with me for awhile.  He chose to move into a nursing home. 

When he moved in, I discovered that he and my sister went and had a will drawn up without telling me, he had it for almost 2 years before I found out.   I discovered that my sister will get 50% of whatever is left, my oldest son would get 20%, me 15%, his son 15% and his 2 daughters $200.00 each..   Now this isen't about the money, it's the idea..  It proves to me exactly what I had thought all of my life.  I could care less about the money and if the time comes and I do get something it will be donated.    I also found out that my sister, whom is in the military is the only POA for his money.  I can't write his checks, pay his bills...etc   So a little over a year ago I decided that my sister will figure out how to do all of this since my dad can't see to write a check on his own anymore.  Right now she lives in NC, she had been overseas 3 times and now has a position that will take her away and we won't be able to know anything about where she is going....

I also told him that his son came into my bedroom one night and touched me, he was drunk.  However I knew that nobody would EVER believe me so up until today only my husband and therapist knew this.  

I probably did the wrong thing tonight.....   I was never going to say anything, I figured it wouldn't make any difference...nothing could be taken back.  I have pulled away from him because after mom died I left him take over my life...  I gave up a lot because I felt it's what I needed to do.  My mom would have wanted me to do it.   He felt so bad and that made me hurt as well, I didn't want to hurt him....  I was only thinking of myself and I just wanted to get it out and it was like diarhea of the mouth!  

I'm sure I will hear from my sister tonight and that won't go well either.  

I see my therapist on Thursday....which is a very good thing.     

Hubby and I are celebrating 31 years of marriage tomorrow (I am the only child that he would not attend the wedding, and I am the only child still married to the same man today).....he is my rock and has kept me together all these years.  Depression has always been part of my life, not all of the time but here and there. 

I probably sound like a nut case....  I don't know what it was, but something just pushed me to this tonight.   

He used to call me "the devils child" and that's what I felt like after all that transpired tonight.  

I hope I am forgiven.....

by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 7:53 PM
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Replies (1-8):
ashleighmama
by Ashleigh on Mar. 19, 2013 at 9:36 PM
Im so sorry you had to endure all that. I think you did the right thing by telling him, your pain needs to end someday and maybe this will help it along. You kept your mouth shut for a long time about a lot of things. He should have been there for you all this time and he wasnt. Parents are supposed to be there for their children, ALL of them. Hugs mama :-)
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Tameez
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 9:40 PM

Thank you for your kind words.  I called him back later to make sure he was ok.  He said he was.  He wants to me to come sit with him, I reminded him I work so I can't come during the day like I used too.  He wants me to quit...ah, not happening!   I will go to him more often now though I think....  I feel like the air has been cleared, he knows where I stand.  

Thank you :)

Quoting ashleighmama:

Im so sorry you had to endure all that. I think you did the right thing by telling him, your pain needs to end someday and maybe this will help it along. You kept your mouth shut for a long time about a lot of things. He should have been there for you all this time and he wasnt. Parents are supposed to be there for their children, ALL of them. Hugs mama :-)


leahbeah143
by Leah on Mar. 19, 2013 at 10:19 PM
3 moms liked this

 *hugs*

I think it was a very brave thing you did, and maybe something he needed to hear.

Tameez
by on Mar. 19, 2013 at 10:56 PM

Thank you......

Quoting leahbeah143:

 *hugs*

I think it was a very brave thing you did, and maybe something he needed to hear.


lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 7:58 AM
1 mom liked this

 im so sorry! hugs!

matreshka
by Ruby Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 9:38 AM
1 mom liked this

It happens, and it seems like form you reply its okay now.  I had a good relationship with my dad when he was well.  But I have had the same experience with flipping out now that he is sick (alzhimer's).  It was all my frustration that I didn't deal with. 

Maybe going forward, journal your feelings or find an outlet (collage and other arts and crafts acutally help too) so that you can process everything in a way you feel good about.

deltathree
by Gold Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 12:02 PM
1 mom liked this

You did the right thing.  He needed to hear it & you needed to say it.  HUge hugs.  It was very brave of you.   

gonecrazi
by Silver Member on Mar. 20, 2013 at 12:22 PM
1 mom liked this

 You only have to forgive yourself. You don't need to worry about other people as long as your at peace within yourself. You're gonna be okay.

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