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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

My Mom

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 6 Replies

You know I do not see another group to go rant about this but I guess a lot of my depression stems from this so this seems like a great place. So my mom doesn't get it. I am not spoiled or anything but like I see things on facebook from my aunt her sister like she arraganges all these great holiday events with all her kids and Grand kids Easter egg coloring and hunts, costume parties and trick or treating as a family, Christmas dinners, ect and I do that with my family but I just wish once in a while my Mom would show that much interest as a Grandma. She never tries to do anything with my kids or for them unless I plan it and invite her. And let me remind you my oldest brother has 1 kid my mom never sees and then there are mine and those are her only Grand kids. You would think she would always be around. Like my best friend calls me complaining how annoying her mom is because she is always around and always trying to help../ I am always like how hard it must be to have a mom who shows up to help with the laundry or buy your kids school supplies and clothes I do not get how she complains so much. My Mom does nothing. Maybe I am being ungreatful or selfish but I just wish my Mom showed half the interest these other Mom's show. 

Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 24, 2013 at 9:50 AM
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Replies (1-6):
lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 10:06 AM

 sometimes grandparents can be like that.my mom never showed much interest in my last two children. i guess it was because she was getting older. you cant  make them take an interest in them. you basically have to accept what they have to offer.maybe kids are stressful to her.im sorry she isnt the ideal grandmother.i would keep planning things for them to do together just so they will get to know her. its probably going to be all up to you for them to have involvement.

leahbeah143
by Leah on Mar. 24, 2013 at 4:32 PM

 *hugs*

have you talked to her about it?

Tracys2
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 6:53 PM

My kids' grandparents can be the same, though it's mostly a distance thing, they wouldn't do any of the things you mentioned except holiday meals- that's more just parent stuff in our families, and they wouldn't want to "step on toes". I had 4 sets of grandparents growing up, and only 2 really had any interest in me as a child visited, etc- and my family was too old (grandparents in 60s/70s/80s) to do much energetic stuff. More card games. It's hard to get the balance right, and maybe talking to her might convince her that you're interested in doing more holiday family stuff, mabye you can find things that you would all like?

Either way, it's not a judgment on you, it seems more like a commentary on the kind of person she is.

ghostcat90
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 8:42 PM

Maybe talk to your aunt and ask if you could bring your kids and your brother bring his kids and you all pitch in and help set everything up?  We don't do much now, but when I was little 4th of july was HUGE for our family.  My mom would smoke chicken and ribs, my sister would bring her family, my aunts and uncles would bring their kids/grandkids, etc.  Everyone would bring food, fireworks, games, gas for the waverunners, etc (this might also be why I'm TERRIFIED of fireworks now lol!).  Maybe the idea of doing all of that alone freaks your mom out, but if it was a bunch of people doing a little to make a big event she'd be more involved...and seeing how your aunt does with her grandkids might push her into being more involved?

sunflower37
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 12:03 AM
1 mom liked this

hugsI think you and your brother need to sit down and have a talk with her. Just let her know how you both feel about her lack of involvement with your kids. Some moms may think since they're kids are grown and have children of their own they don't need them to be around that much.

mepluss4
by on Mar. 25, 2013 at 1:03 PM

OMG I am having the same exact issues with my mom. She had 7 children and so far has 7 grandkids with one on the way. I am currently not on speaking terms with her for a few different reasons. She expects my kids to be perfect when they are at her house and just like you, she only "shows up" to things if we plan them and we have to plan them at HER house. She wont come to my kid's birthday party's, she forgets my birthday, and I find myself helping her WAY more than she has ever helped me. She is NOT a hands on grandma. She only likes her grand children until they are about 2 if they are boys but she seems to tollerate the girls better, untell they reach teens because she hated all of us girls (5) when we went through the teen years. Thing is, I wasn't raised by her, my dad raised me but he died when I was 19. I already had two kids and was pregnant with my third at that time. He was a very hands on grandpa and loved all his grandkids so much. My kids didn't have a dad so he was their "father figure." Growing up I think I created this ideal of who my mom was but she has only dissapointed me in my adult life just as in my childhood.  hate to say it but if I could pick I would much rather still have my dad :,( Am I a horrible child for thinking that???? So, Anonymous person, I know exactly how you feel and it can be very depressing!!  

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