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Why do I feel this way? Updated

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 10 Replies

Before I start this, I know that I need to take my meds. I stopped taking all of them because I was sick of just having pills shoved at me and no one really trying to teach me how to deal with being bipolar. So of course, now I get depressed easily.

Last night (well, all of yesterday really) was awful. Hubby was constantly yelling at me and telling that I couldn't do anything right. We moved about a month ago and we went from an electric to a gas stove. They cook differently and I'm still getting used to the stove. Well, hubby was yelling at me telling me that I couldn't cook right and what the hell happened that all of a sudden I can't cook. (I'm normally an excellent cook.) Earlier in the day he started yelling at me because I got my debit card locked in the atm yesterday. It was an accident. I'm used to atms that have the "push in, pull out" slots not the slots where it sucks up your card. So I drove away without it. I already called me bank and she said that they don't open the atm until about 1 pm to balance it.

I just feel like a complete failure. I got bad last night. Railing at God, begging him to make it all go away. I'm going to call the counseling center here next week because I start my new job this week and I want to get settled in there before I put myself through any stress of starting therapy.

ETA: I looked up the times that my local counseling center is open. I'm in luck that they are open til 8pm two nights a week. Also, about 25 minutes away is a NAMI support group that meets 2x a month. So next week, I'm going to call the counseling center and set up an appointment.

Also, the bank called first thing this morning and said that they would check the machine for my card. And yay! It was in the machine. :) So I got that back. I'm excited to start my job tomorrow. It's only a temp job but it's better than nothing since we moved. Also, it's in my field of study. I'm feeling better today than yesterday and can only hope that with a little help, I'll get better.

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
ashleighmama
by Ashleigh on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:46 AM
Sweetie, I think youre feeling this way because you need to get back on meds and your hubby is treating you like crap. You can still learn therapy techniques while on meds. Im not bipolar, I have plain ol depression, but a lot of the ladies here have bipolar, and from what Ive read in here, they need meds AND therapy techniques to deal with their bipolar. I know for my depression I HAVE to have my meds, its as simple as that. Also, hubby berating you that way is not cool and not good for your mental state. Ive ALWAYS had an elec. stove except for once, and I know I would ruin everything for a while if I had to change to gas. Also, Ive gotten my ATM card sucked in for good TWICE! I just wasnt paying enough attention and drove away with my card still in the machine. My hubby laughed in a playful way at me when I did it, like DUH! It does NOT make you stupid. Do you have a therapy appt. already set up? If not, you should make one, someimes it takes a while to get in, and it sounds like you would benefit from it.
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ashleighmama
by Ashleigh on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:48 AM
Sorry, my phone cuts me off. I hope you get the help you need, and please dont let hubby put you down anymore, men can be such jerks. Hugs! Oh, and good luck with your new job mama :-)
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Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Apr. 1, 2013 at 9:50 AM
I know that I need both. I just got so fed up with my last counseling place that I said screw it for everything. I also have several other conditions which "require" medication. My doctor ignored my suggestions that maybe we take a more natural approach. The medicines were just making me so tired and so sick. The other meds I was taking made my acid reflux worse. I was thinking I was going to throw up every day. I start a new job tomorrow and I want to get settled in before I call to make a dr's appt. If that makes sense.

Quoting ashleighmama:

Sweetie, I think youre feeling this way because you need to get back on meds and your hubby is treating you like crap. You can still learn therapy techniques while on meds. Im not bipolar, I have plain ol depression, but a lot of the ladies here have bipolar, and from what Ive read in here, they need meds AND therapy techniques to deal with their bipolar. I know for my depression I HAVE to have my meds, its as simple as that. Also, hubby berating you that way is not cool and not good for your mental state. Ive ALWAYS had an elec. stove except for once, and I know I would ruin everything for a while if I had to change to gas. Also, Ive gotten my ATM card sucked in for good TWICE! I just wasnt paying enough attention and drove away with my card still in the machine. My hubby laughed in a playful way at me when I did it, like DUH! It does NOT make you stupid. Do you have a therapy appt. already set up? If not, you should make one, someimes it takes a while to get in, and it sounds like you would benefit from it.
leahbeah143
by Leah on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:06 AM

 *hugs*

your dh needs to back off! It's WAY different going from electric to gas cooking and he needs to suck it up.

childofGod995
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 11:16 AM

first of all you need to get back on meds. if you are not satisfied with the doctor you have, look for another doctor. if you want to find help on line just google search http://www.dbthelp.com/. it should help you for sure. there are also cbt free on line self help courses. i have used both and it has helped me and it can help you also. As for your debit card, any person can make that mistake. if it is during bank hours and that happens again, go into the bank and explain what happened and see what they can do for you. you are not a failure. no one is perfect. yes you do need counseling to help you. i have a good counselor, but i also go to a mood disorder support group and one of the local churches once every two weeks. we cover alot and it really helps.

lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 12:18 PM

 i think going to therapy is a good thing. dont rule out meds altogether if they can help you. talk with your therapist about it. im sorry your husband is being such an ass. i hope things get better for you and you get your atm card back.

leahbeah143
by Leah on Apr. 1, 2013 at 2:45 PM

 *hugs*

glad you're having a better day today :-)

lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Apr. 1, 2013 at 3:58 PM

 im glad things are going well for you and working out now.

childofGod995
by on Apr. 1, 2013 at 4:27 PM

i am glad to see things have improved for you. the support group will definitely help. i have mine this thursday and we are suppose to discus how to find our happy place. last time it was about overcoming shame.I hope your support group will be exactly what you need. congratulations on the job. you have to learn to take things one step at a time and sometime one moment at a time. yes things do tend to get frustrating at times, but we can not control things either.

marney.p
by Member on Apr. 2, 2013 at 8:58 PM

Hope you feel better, And we moved and the oven is different. So I keep burning things. Lol Just something you have to get used to. No need to yell at you. Wishing you the best in the next few days. Moving is super stressful. Do you know anyone where you have moved to?

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