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OT- I think my nephew is autistic but my sister's in denial-PIOG

Posted by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 4:07 PM
  • 8 Replies

I went to school for special needs and I've worked with children who were autistic, I'm not saying I'm an expert but I'm not the only one in my family who thinks that my nephew is a little "off".  I have another sister who thinks something is wrong and my husband agrees with us. I've never mentioned my thoughts to his mother bc she is ultra sensitive and I don't think she's ready to hear it.  I have mentioned it to my mother but she is also in denial.  I just think a major diservice is being done to this child.  I've observed his behavior on several different occasions and he just doesn't know how to act in socially appropriate ways with other children and even with adults.  He talks very slow and methodically.  He is also really quirky with the foods he will eat.  If something is too hot, too cold or the wrong texture he won't eat it.  He is almost 8 and I have a real hard time believing that a teacher of his hasn't said something to my sister about his behavior and mannerisms.  I find it really hard to believe that my other sister has noticed it and so have my husband and myself but a professional who works with my nephew on a daily basis hasn't said anything.  So far I've stayed out of it but if my child had special needs I would make sure that he or she got the help they needed.  I guess my question to you ladies is should I continue to not say anything even though my nephew is not getting help and is not getting any better or should I risk rocking the boat so to speak with the hopes that my sister might listen to a voice of reason and get my nephew evaluated so he can get some help?  What would you do if you were in my situation?

by on Apr. 17, 2013 at 4:07 PM
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lancet98
by Bronze Member on Apr. 17, 2013 at 7:54 PM

He speaks slowly, is awkward socially('behaves inappropriately', according to you, but you gave no concrete examples of that for anyone to consider), and is fussy about the food he eats, temperature and texture-wise.   He is eight.

So.....Why do you think he is autistic again?

This could be due to many different conditions.   There isn't anything in your description that is exclusive to autism, and you didn't mention anything that suggests the severity of problems seen in autism.   There also isn't any information about what he was like at a year, or two years, or other earlier ages.

He may have mild developmental delays('mental retardation').

He may have a language disorder.   There are MANY different language disorders.   Some children have problems creating fluency(a smooth conversational rhythm) in their speech, or in grasping at the words they want to say ("Expressive Language Disorder").   Some children actually are viewed as mentally retarded when they are not at all developmentally delayed, they simply have a speech disorder.

He may have  hearing impairment.

He may have Pervasive Developmental Disorder (the larger category autism falls under, and kids are given a diagnosis of Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified, if they don't completely meet criteria for autism but have difficulties with language, socializing, etc). 

He may simply be a shy, awkward child - that is the most likely possibility. 

It could be a number of other things as well.

As far as your impression that she doesn't want to talk about it, maybe she is uncomfortable with how the family is treating her, maybe she feels criticized or put down.  

Maybe she's got other people she prefers to talk to about it.  

Are you aware of what education plan is in place for him, have you seen his IEP?   What he does in school each day?   How are his grades?   How do you know that the school is not appropriately providing for him?  

Maybe something is being done for this child, and she doesn't want to talk to you or anyone else in the family about it.

dizzy77702
by Silver Member on Apr. 17, 2013 at 7:58 PM
I don't really understand why you are acting like I've personally attacked you when that is not the case. I really think you need to chill out a bit.


Quoting lancet98:

He speaks slowly, is awkward socially('behaves inappropriately', according to you, but you gave no concrete examples of that for anyone to consider), and is fussy about the food he eats, temperature and texture-wise.   He is eight.


So.....Why do you think he is autistic again?


This could be due to many different conditions.   There isn't anything in your description that is exclusive to autism, and you didn't mention anything that suggests the severity of problems seen in autism.   There also isn't any information about what he was like at a year, or two years, or other earlier ages.


He may have mild developmental delays('mental retardation').


He may have a language disorder.   There are MANY different language disorders.   Some children have problems creating fluency(a smooth conversational rhythm) in their speech, or in grasping at the words they want to say ("Expressive Language Disorder").   Some children actually are viewed as mentally retarded when they are not at all developmentally delayed, they simply have a speech disorder.


He may have  hearing impairment.


He may have Pervasive Developmental Disorder (the larger category autism falls under, and kids are given a diagnosis of Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified, if they don't completely meet criteria for autism but have difficulties with language, socializing, etc). 


He may simply be a shy, awkward child - that is the most likely possibility. 


It could be a number of other things as well.


As far as your impression that she doesn't want to talk about it, maybe she is uncomfortable with how the family is treating her, maybe she feels criticized or put down.  


Maybe she's got other people she prefers to talk to about it.  


Are you aware of what education plan is in place for him, have you seen his IEP?   What he does in school each day?   How are his grades?   How do you know that the school is not appropriately providing for him?  


Maybe something is being done for this child, and she doesn't want to talk to you or anyone else in the family about it.


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marney.p
by Member on Apr. 17, 2013 at 7:59 PM

2 of my sons friends were diagnosed as aspergers as early teenagers. So late diagnoses of high functioning Autism does happen. They are getting rid of aspe and just going to call it Autism.

Many mild traits magnify when they become teenagers.  Lack of social skills and obsessing can be come more noticeable. I would not say anything. She is not ready to hear anything. Many people have a few aspe traits but not enough for a full diagnoses.

lancet98
by Bronze Member on Apr. 17, 2013 at 8:01 PM

 

What in the WORLD are you talking about?   I'm not attacking you and I'm not upset about anything.

The information is there - take it or leave it - there are many different disorders that could cause what you describe.   Autism is only a distant possibility.   Further, she may simply not want to talk to family about what's going on.   If you get after her they way you're getting after me, I wouldn't blame her.

Quoting dizzy77702:

I don't really understand why you are acting like I've personally attacked you when that is not the case. I really think you need to chill out a bit.


Quoting lancet98:

He speaks slowly, is awkward socially('behaves inappropriately', according to you, but you gave no concrete examples of that for anyone to consider), and is fussy about the food he eats, temperature and texture-wise.   He is eight.


So.....Why do you think he is autistic again?


This could be due to many different conditions.   There isn't anything in your description that is exclusive to autism, and you didn't mention anything that suggests the severity of problems seen in autism.   There also isn't any information about what he was like at a year, or two years, or other earlier ages.


He may have mild developmental delays('mental retardation').


He may have a language disorder.   There are MANY different language disorders.   Some children have problems creating fluency(a smooth conversational rhythm) in their speech, or in grasping at the words they want to say ("Expressive Language Disorder").   Some children actually are viewed as mentally retarded when they are not at all developmentally delayed, they simply have a speech disorder.


He may have  hearing impairment.


He may have Pervasive Developmental Disorder (the larger category autism falls under, and kids are given a diagnosis of Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified, if they don't completely meet criteria for autism but have difficulties with language, socializing, etc). 


He may simply be a shy, awkward child - that is the most likely possibility. 


It could be a number of other things as well.


As far as your impression that she doesn't want to talk about it, maybe she is uncomfortable with how the family is treating her, maybe she feels criticized or put down.  


Maybe she's got other people she prefers to talk to about it.  


Are you aware of what education plan is in place for him, have you seen his IEP?   What he does in school each day?   How are his grades?   How do you know that the school is not appropriately providing for him?  


Maybe something is being done for this child, and she doesn't want to talk to you or anyone else in the family about it.



 

dizzy77702
by Silver Member on Apr. 17, 2013 at 8:12 PM
Wow, just wow. You're the one who was acting like I attacked you. It didn't seem like you were just giving information as you say.


Quoting lancet98:

 


What in the WORLD are you talking about?   I'm not attacking you and I'm not upset about anything.


The information is there - take it or leave it - there are many different disorders that could cause what you describe.   Autism is only a distant possibility.   Further, she may simply not want to talk to family about what's going on.   If you get after her they way you're getting after me, I wouldn't blame her.


Quoting dizzy77702:

I don't really understand why you are acting like I've personally attacked you when that is not the case. I really think you need to chill out a bit.



Quoting lancet98:


He speaks slowly, is awkward socially('behaves inappropriately', according to you, but you gave no concrete examples of that for anyone to consider), and is fussy about the food he eats, temperature and texture-wise.   He is eight.



So.....Why do you think he is autistic again?



This could be due to many different conditions.   There isn't anything in your description that is exclusive to autism, and you didn't mention anything that suggests the severity of problems seen in autism.   There also isn't any information about what he was like at a year, or two years, or other earlier ages.



He may have mild developmental delays('mental retardation').



He may have a language disorder.   There are MANY different language disorders.   Some children have problems creating fluency(a smooth conversational rhythm) in their speech, or in grasping at the words they want to say ("Expressive Language Disorder").   Some children actually are viewed as mentally retarded when they are not at all developmentally delayed, they simply have a speech disorder.



He may have  hearing impairment.



He may have Pervasive Developmental Disorder (the larger category autism falls under, and kids are given a diagnosis of Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified, if they don't completely meet criteria for autism but have difficulties with language, socializing, etc). 



He may simply be a shy, awkward child - that is the most likely possibility. 



It could be a number of other things as well.



As far as your impression that she doesn't want to talk about it, maybe she is uncomfortable with how the family is treating her, maybe she feels criticized or put down.  



Maybe she's got other people she prefers to talk to about it.  



Are you aware of what education plan is in place for him, have you seen his IEP?   What he does in school each day?   How are his grades?   How do you know that the school is not appropriately providing for him?  



Maybe something is being done for this child, and she doesn't want to talk to you or anyone else in the family about it.





 


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matreshka
by Ruby Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 9:00 AM

My BIL has asperger's and is high functioning, what you described sounds like him. I would really try to talk to his mom or dad, maybe printo out osome information for them.

DysphoniaBec
by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:53 AM

This is really a sticky situation!  I have a similar problem with DS's youngest son.  DS was ADHD in the 60's before they called it that.  At that time they thought only children had it and they outgrew it.  He was put on Ritalin in 69 and resented it all his life.  He doesn't want his son to be labeled. and refuses to get him checked out.  DGS has state health insurance that they have let lapse a time or two AND refused to let him get his shots.  He just turned 5.  He points and says single words or phrases.  I know he is very intelligent, but he is also isolated in the country with no other children to play with.  There have been times when I've convinced his mom to get help, enroll him in Head Start, etc., but then she lets DS talk her out of it.

It's hard to believe that no professionals have noticed any problems with your nephew.  I know when I was having so many problems with DS, most of my family did not understand and I felt ostracized.  Only my grandmother, who had worked with children all her life, seemed to understand.  Your nephew is probably getting some kind of help you don't know about..  Maybe you could casually ask how he's doing in school or what his favorite subject is in school.  My son is almost 49 and I'm still defensive about him.  When anyone complains about what he did or did not do, it brings up all those old feelings.

Please try to be supportive of your sister.  It is very hard to have a special needs child.  The parents go through a grieving process just like having someone die.

leahbeah143
by Leah on Apr. 18, 2013 at 3:53 PM

 I don't know, I probably wouldn't say anything unless I knew for a fact that something was going on. Some people will go on super defense especially when it comes to their kids.

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