I'm just so tired of trying anymore. I just want to give up. Just do what I have to and nothing more than that. I just want to resign myself to feeling alone. I just want to get through each day, get what needs done done and wait for this existence to end. I don't want to care about anyone anymore other than my kids. I am tired of myself. Tired of being optimistic. Tired of trying to be the wife dh wants. Tired of hoping and dreaming. Tired of working at things that will help me feel better about myself, because every time I get to a point of seeing change, someone or something just tears me down with little effort. I feel betrayed by dh and bff, since dh told me they had all been talking about me, commenting on how low my depression had taken me, how they see an improvement, then asking dh if he thinks we should still be together. How do you even get on that unless you think we shouldn't? How does that even enter conversation unless dh was saying negative things about our relationship? So now for once I feel alone except for my kids. I don't feel safe or trust dh, I don't trust that friends are really friends, and I want so much to run away. I used to love life. Was ever optimistic, saw only the good in people and things, believed that just one nice word to a total stranger could make their day. Now I don't want to be any of those things.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:11 PM