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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

I think I'm through:(

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 20 Replies
I'm just so tired of trying anymore. I just want to give up. Just do what I have to and nothing more than that. I just want to resign myself to feeling alone. I just want to get through each day, get what needs done done and wait for this existence to end. I don't want to care about anyone anymore other than my kids. I am tired of myself. Tired of being optimistic. Tired of trying to be the wife dh wants. Tired of hoping and dreaming. Tired of working at things that will help me feel better about myself, because every time I get to a point of seeing change, someone or something just tears me down with little effort. I feel betrayed by dh and bff, since dh told me they had all been talking about me, commenting on how low my depression had taken me, how they see an improvement, then asking dh if he thinks we should still be together. How do you even get on that unless you think we shouldn't? How does that even enter conversation unless dh was saying negative things about our relationship? So now for once I feel alone except for my kids. I don't feel safe or trust dh, I don't trust that friends are really friends, and I want so much to run away. I used to love life. Was ever optimistic, saw only the good in people and things, believed that just one nice word to a total stranger could make their day. Now I don't want to be any of those things.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:11 PM
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Replies (1-10):
marney.p
by Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:27 PM

I think you need to speak to someone a social worker etc. Can you reach out to a profesional?

dancingthrulife
by Bronze Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 12:41 AM

hugsim so sry hun. i know when im real down i thnk everyone hates me. if ur thinking neg than ppl will start to echo it back. please take sme time alone to breath. 

lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 3:58 AM

 you sound really depressed and some of it could be situational. without the support of our husband and people asking all those questions can be really hard.are you on any meds or seeing a therapist? things can get better. if you get on the right med and change your lifestyle just a little bit things can improve. are you getting out enough and having free time? force yourself to do things where you would have fun.get back to living as much as possible. go outside and soak up the sun. go to the park with your kids. exercise. i know you probably dont feel like it but it will do your some good. i have had to force myself to do those things also and i always feel better after i do something. no you may not be jumping up and down for joy but you will feel better. try making some new friends and let dh know you need his support with things and not to talk about you behind your back. i wish you the best of luck.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 19, 2013 at 11:22 AM
I just moved so am looking for a therapist where I live but the therapist I been seeing gave me her cell number to call her anytime I need to. I called her yesterday and am making the 2 hr drive later today to see her.

Quoting marney.p:

I think you need to speak to someone a social worker etc. Can you reach out to a profesional?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 19, 2013 at 11:29 AM
Thank you. I think I do need that alone time very much. Its been kind of one thing after another since we moved. Actually since 2 weeks before we moved.

Quoting dancingthrulife:

hugsim so sry hun. i know when im real down i thnk everyone hates me. if ur thinking neg than ppl will start to echo it back. please take sme time alone to breath. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 19, 2013 at 12:15 PM
I am on meds and have been seeing a therapist, but just moved so looking for someone closer. But my therapist gave me her cell number and isn't closing out my files until I find a new one. We moved about 2 hrs away.

I think the trying to find something fun is what I need right now along with time alone. We moved and are staying with the friends I mentioned on their property but in our rv. Long story but the short version, we were drowning where we were and they kept asking us to do this so we could get ahead and stop drowning. We had told them no for 2 years but finally knew it was the best change. So I guess that's why I'm hurt that they all talked behind my back. Why I'm hurt they are questioning dh and why I'm hurt that no one has come to me except dh.

I'm pretty busy, keep pretty active taking care of the house, rv, kids. And do do things with the kids. I think that another problem is I feel so separated from the adults but don't have much of a place with the kids except as care giver. Maybe I'm just still trying to find where I fit in. I can tell dh is trying to find himself and keep wondering where the kids and I will fit or if well fit once he does. So I feel hyper sensitive to what dh said was asked since I'm so scared of all these changes.

Quoting lyrick24:

 you sound really depressed and some of it could be situational. without the support of our husband and people asking all those questions can be really hard.are you on any meds or seeing a therapist? things can get better. if you get on the right med and change your lifestyle just a little bit things can improve. are you getting out enough and having free time? force yourself to do things where you would have fun.get back to living as much as possible. go outside and soak up the sun. go to the park with your kids. exercise. i know you probably dont feel like it but it will do your some good. i have had to force myself to do those things also and i always feel better after i do something. no you may not be jumping up and down for joy but you will feel better. try making some new friends and let dh know you need his support with things and not to talk about you behind your back. i wish you the best of luck.

leahbeah143
by Leah on Apr. 19, 2013 at 12:20 PM

 hugs! how did you find out about all of this conversation? it seems strange of your friend to ask a question like that because it's not really any of her business.

matreshka
by Ruby Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 12:50 PM

That's good and I hope you can find one closer too. It may really help. With Major Depression, it is always going to be there but there are ways to manage it so that it does not consume you.

Quoting Anonymous:

I just moved so am looking for a therapist where I live but the therapist I been seeing gave me her cell number to call her anytime I need to. I called her yesterday and am making the 2 hr drive later today to see her.

Quoting marney.p:

I think you need to speak to someone a social worker etc. Can you reach out to a profesional?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 19, 2013 at 1:07 PM
My dh told me Wednesday. He said he didn't want me to think or feel that they, dh, my bffs, his bffs who is my bff's dh, were talking behind my back. But to me, they were. I guess its not her business, but I don't feel its not, her and her dh are like family. But it makes me feel...I'm not sure what entirely, betrayed...hurt, that something got said to lead to that question and no one is telling me. Not to mention, she hasnt brought any of this up to me so I'm feeling like either she doesn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me the conversation or there's something that dh said he's not telling me and everyone's on dh side. I'm not usually paranoid, but this is one time ignorance would be bliss because now I'm not comfortable around any of them.

Quoting leahbeah143:

 hugs! how did you find out about all of this conversation? it seems strange of your friend to ask a question like that because it's not really any of her business.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 19, 2013 at 1:15 PM
I know, I'm so disappointed I'm feeling all this because id been doing so well. I hadn't even had to take my one anti anxiety for panic attacks in almost a year. And though I really want to give in, become more cynical, less hopeful, I know in a couple days I can't do it. Its not who I am, I'm an always look on the bright side kind of person. Very odd with my depression issues, lol. But my therapist and psychologist have both said its not uncommon.

Quoting matreshka:

That's good and I hope you can find one closer too. It may really help. With Major Depression, it is always going to be there but there are ways to manage it so that it does not consume you.

Quoting Anonymous:

I just moved so am looking for a therapist where I live but the therapist I been seeing gave me her cell number to call her anytime I need to. I called her yesterday and am making the 2 hr drive later today to see her.



Quoting marney.p:

I think you need to speak to someone a social worker etc. Can you reach out to a profesional?


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