Three Week Old Baby .....Sometimes I don't like him and I feel awful for it :/
I'm a 23 year old single parent, and I have a three week old son and I feel awful for even thinking this, but sometimes I don't like him and wish someone would just take him for a while. At times, I really don't want to be bothered with him or anyone else
I formula feed him because of medication for my anxiety, and he has had extreme constipation and gas, which has made me feel super guilty for not breastfeeding (I wanted to breastfeed badly) On top of that, I dont think he sleeps the way most newborns do. It can take hours for him to go down and when he does, he wakes right back up within minutes...He is also extremely fidgety. I feel like something is mentally wrong with him, even though the doctor says that he is extremely healthy. I also feel guilty for letting him cry it out the past two days, but I honestly have tried everything and dont know what else to do. I'm exhausted...I've lost all forty of my pregnancy pounds within three weeks because I literally have no time to eat because he is so demanding. There have been days where all I have had is juice.
The constant criticism and unsolicited advice doesn't help either. I'm surrounded by know-it-alls who constantly berate me because I'm a new mom and because they feel that I didn't "need a baby". I also lost my grandma during my seventh month of pregnancy and I'm currently going through a career change. Because my son's dad abandoned us and kicked me out at 7 weeks pregnant (I was given an ultimatum...it was either us stay together and me have an abortion, or I keep the baby and he leaves me...sometimes I feel that I made the wrong decision....Maybe I should have just had an abortion and leave him anyways, but when I scheduled the abortion, I couldnt go through with it), I've been having to be somewhat dependent on my mother and move in with her, which is another story. To sum it up, she is very controlling and emotionally and verbally abusive.
Sometimes, I hate motherhood. I feel like Motherhood is just riddled with guilt and grief....Definitely not feeling "rosy" or "positive"..I've made an appointment with a counselor because I'm positive that I have postpartum depression.
Just needed to vent and get some advice :(