Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

discipline and depression

Posted by on May. 16, 2013 at 9:12 PM
  • 14 Replies

I have a question...

My daughter is clinically depressed and a self-abuser (cutting and purging) with all emotional/mental problems that come with it PLUS the normal teenage girl issues.

Now, my fiance is very insistant on disciplining her as you would ay teenager... take phone, ipod, internet AND ground her to her room, no friends, no playdates. Work, school, home...THAT'S IT!!  Because as a teenager she will manipulate and use the "depression" card to the best of her ability.

Me? Although I do agree to a certain agree but I also know that being the way she is, I CANNOT ground her as EVERY other girl. She has special needs...so to speak.  I have come up with a solution, ground her same as above HOWEVER, I have allowed her 1hr of phone and internet each night of her grounding along with if she feels anxious she can walk around the parkinglot.

Who's right? Wrong?  Any opinions would be appreiated.

thanks

 

by on May. 16, 2013 at 9:12 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
MommysTimeOut5
by Bronze Member on May. 16, 2013 at 9:29 PM
2 moms liked this

Since it hasn't been that long since I was a teenager, I would honestly say DON'T ground her to her room. Silence and idle time is the worst for a depressed person. She might cut or something worse. Let your fiance know that even though she is a normal teenager, you will not want to make her depression worse by isolating her. Best of luck.

payzlee
by on May. 16, 2013 at 9:42 PM
1 mom liked this
Quoting MommysTimeOut5:

Since it hasn't been that long since I was a teenager, I would honestly say DON'T ground her to her room. Silence and idle time is the worst for a depressed person. She might cut or something worse. Let your fiance know that even though she is a normal teenager, you will not want to make her depression worse by isolating her. Best of luck.


. I agree, but don't totay let her off the hook.Discipline does show her you love her. Setting clear bounderies an set punishments will strange as it sounds shows that you care too.
MommysTimeOut5
by Bronze Member on May. 16, 2013 at 9:46 PM

 

Everything else is fair game with removing some priveleges. I know how hard headed and silly teenagers can be and yes I am dreading the day my 6 year old turns into a teenager

Quoting payzlee:

Quoting MommysTimeOut5:

Since it hasn't been that long since I was a teenager, I would honestly say DON'T ground her to her room. Silence and idle time is the worst for a depressed person. She might cut or something worse. Let your fiance know that even though she is a normal teenager, you will not want to make her depression worse by isolating her. Best of luck.


. I agree, but don't totay let her off the hook.Discipline does show her you love her. Setting clear bounderies an set punishments will strange as it sounds shows that you care too.


 

rhodaj
by rho on May. 17, 2013 at 8:06 AM

You are right. She is still getting her punishment but she is still being taken care of with her mental illness.  

matreshka
by Ruby Member on May. 17, 2013 at 8:53 AM

I agree, you do want to discipline her to show her actions have consequences and she can't get away with anything just because she has special needs, but I wouldn't ground her to her room alone because she could hurt herself.

Quoting rhodaj:

You are right. She is still getting her punishment but she is still being taken care of with her mental illness.  


snookyfritz
by on May. 17, 2013 at 10:29 AM
1 mom liked this

And not that you are, but be careful in letting step dads suddenly become dad.  He's not her dad, but he can and should have a positive impact on her life.

Basicrose
by Member on May. 17, 2013 at 9:33 PM

Thanks to everyone for your opinions/comments. I guess I should say that we dont ground her to her room...that's where she decides to go when upset. We are on high alert when grounding happens. All sharp objects are put up (as many as possible, that is.)  My fiance has taken a step back to let me be the mom, the problem is is that i feel bad and want to ground her with allowances that HE dont agree with and then he complains to me about how it's not going to do no good unless "i show her who's boss".  I dont like that approach either. My daughter probably hears a little from the other room but we do take effort in not doing it in front of her. Right now we are so far apart because of the discipline differences that it is causing us to fight...to the point of separation. Quite frankly, I am starting to think that that's the best way to go. :(

Basicrose
by Member on May. 17, 2013 at 9:34 PM

Oh ya, he does put in his 2 cents in when he feels she is starting to argue too much with me or when he feels there's too much disrespect.

1tyler66
by on May. 18, 2013 at 2:45 AM

Lots of good feedback.

I would also add maybe seeing a family counselor? Maybe a sit down with someone you all trust and they can act as a mediator? The opportunity here is that you and your family will be able to speak their peace and hopefully work through your differences as a family.

 

Just my thoughts.

I wish you and your family the best. Prayer is always helpful too. good night

judi111
by on May. 19, 2013 at 2:23 AM
1 mom liked this

I have a teenage son with issues also we cannot punish him the way that other parents punish their kids either - I totally agree with you!!

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)