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Posted by Anonymous
  • 4 Replies
I honestly don't even remember when I started feeling this way but for the longest time now I've been down right miserable. I hate myself for everything that i do that even slightly upsets my husband. Our sex life is down the toilet, and its my fault. It's not that I don't want to…I just don't have the desire i guess you can call it, I love my husband, faults and all, I just never have that mood where I need him.

It doesn't help that Im always angry, I have a bad mood 90% of the day for no real reason. Ill make things up when my husband asks whats wrong because i don't want to fight but it comes from him not doing anything with out son. He loves out son and he plays with him but he can't stand him more than five minuets. He just hands him back, when do i get to hand him off? (We don't have family or friends near by so child care is 100% me). Again i love both my husband and my son but i can't take it anymore.

People tell me to get out and do something. But going out costs money and i don't have friends to go with anyway. I hate having my nails done, I find it to be a waist. I can't do things i enjoy one because i cant be bothered to even try and two if i attempt to get into anything my son will do something or need me, either way it doesn't last long.

My husband tells me he thinks there's something wrong with me because I don't do anything fun. Yet he tells me to get over myself and just ignore the depression, I'm not actually depressed just actin like a child. I don't want to seek help for it because I don't want him thinking less of me. I want our marriage to work not only for me but for our son. I love my family but I'm the one breaking it apart. I'm terrified one day he's going to leave me because he just can't stand me anymore and yet I can't seem to make myself change. I hate myself, I wish I could just run away sometimes, I wonder if maybe they would be better off without me.
Posted by Anonymous on May. 29, 2013 at 12:05 AM
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by Group Admin on May. 29, 2013 at 7:02 AM

 you do sound like you are depressed. you need to get help for yourself. you can be a much better wife and mom if you get treatment. your dh needs to know all of these things. talk with him about it and tell him you need something to help you. you cant go on living like this. i would make an appt with a therapist and see if they think you need to see a dr. dont put it off.  you do not have to live like this any longer.

by Bronze Member on May. 29, 2013 at 9:08 AM
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Positively they will be worse off without you, everyone!  I'm sorry your hubs can't seem to take your son for any length of time.  I think it's something worth working on though.  Make up a reason why you need to leave the house when he's home. Just get out of the house & go for a walk or something. being with a little one non stop & never really getting alone time came make you miserable.

  Your son is he getting to the age where you can go to community type play groups.  Right off the bat our hospital had a group that got new moms together. I think they met right at the hospital in some class room.  Then at one year or even a little before our little town had a community play group. MOPS mothers o preschoolers is also a decent group too.  Library story hour?  All are free & get you out of the house.  I know some days we would just leave the house to go to a park or library because cruising wal-mart can just make you want stuff that you don't need.

by on May. 29, 2013 at 9:50 AM

They would not be better off without you. Getting help is a sign of strength not weakness. Have you thought of finding a therapist?

by on May. 30, 2013 at 11:14 AM

I understand the wanting to run away. It got so bad a while back I started looking for apartments. I just hate everyone and everything all the time and then I feel guilty about it. I have no reason to be so hateful. I am also angry a lot. I am getting treatment, both meds and therapy. Have you sought any treatment?

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