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My Life With Depression, Anxiety, and Agoraphobia Is Never Going To Change, Is It?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 8 Replies

For the past 15 years, I have suffered with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and agoraphobia. Everyday when I wake up, I wonder what my day will be like and how my thoughts, brain, and body will dictate the way my day will turn out.I don't know if I ever will feel free and truly happy. Why do I have to feel like this every day of my life? Will I ever be able to go anywhere far away from my home and not panic and think I'm going to die? Will I ever be able to wake up for just one morning and not feel scared and panicky? Why can't I be normal? Why do I keep thinking that something bad is going to happen to me? It's only a dream that I'll be able to go on my first plane trip to see the mountains or swim in the ocean. There is a whole world out there that i will never see. The only relief I get from feeling this way is when I'm asleep. Sometimes I wish I could just sleep,for,days and days because reality and life is too hard. My anxiety and panic consume me.My husband and children are suffering also because of me. They can't live a normal life because of me. I don't think I'll ever be strong enough to win the battle of depression, anxiety, panic, and agoraphobia in my life. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:15 AM
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Replies (1-8):
drewby1
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 2:22 PM
2 moms liked this
I was sorry to read about what you''re going through friend, and I wanted to jump in and encourage you. Depression is no fun, that's for sure, neither are the other struggles you mentioned. But yes, your life is going to get better, and I really hope you'll talk to someone who has experience dealing with what you described. I know it's hard to get out and take that first step, but you can do it! In fact, you can talk to one of the counselors at Focus on the Family (at no cost) over the phone if you call 1-855-771-(HELP), they helped a lot of us. I'm sending you a hug and I'm rooting for you.
lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 4:10 PM

 please call the number the previous poster posted. it can get better. i wish all the best for you and may your dreams come true!

matreshka
by Ruby Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 4:29 PM
have you ever tried cognitive behavioral therapy to deal with your symptoms? it helps a lot of people.
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dancingthrulife
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 5:10 PM

what meds u on> have u called ur doc if ur on meds and asked to be chnaged..i feel u..i have hills and vgalleys too..hugs

L202M
by on Jul. 2, 2013 at 5:48 PM

First, you need to take control of your mind.  It's easier than you think.  Based upon what you said in your post, you are not in control...your fears and your thoughts are.  You have to reclaim control of your thoughts, and your fears will follow.

The first thing you need to do is to re-train your brain.   It isn't hard, but it takes consistency and an awareness to know when to do it.  Every time you have a negative thought, you must replace it with a positive one.  I don't care what the thought is about, replace it with a thought that is it's opposite.  So, if you worry about having a panic attack while shopping, immediately replace that thought with you in the store and that you are completely fine and happy.  You have to do this each and every time.  It will take practice.  I t will be hard at first, but eventually will become easier to do.  The goal is to get to a place where you don't have to do it that much.  You will never be free of negative thoughts, but they will eventually become fewer and farther apart.  This could take a while, but it will work.

The next thing you need to do is to use anger as a tool.   When I used to have panic attacks, I eventually started to get angry because they had so much control over my life.  I became increasingly more angry everytime they messed with my life.  (my wedding was ruined because of one, so I know the power they have).  You have to take back the control over them also.   The way you get rid of a panic attack is by getting angry.  Not just a little angry, I mean really angry.  I found that when I would get one, I'd get pissed.  After so many years of not being able to do things or having special events ruined, I got to the point where I just got so angry.  I found that when an anxiety attack was coming on, I would get mad and that anger would stop the anxiety attack.  Each and every time it happened, I would get angry and the attack would stop.  Soon they were happening less and less.  It turns out that when you are angry, you can't have any other emotion going on at the same time, and since anxiety attacks are based on fear, the anger cancels that out.  But...you have to really get angry for it to work, I mean really angry.  I would think of something that really pissed me off from my past if my normal "I  hate panic attacks" hatred wasnt' enough.

I have  been panic attack free for about 6 years.  This will work if you keep at it and don't expect it to work over night.  It will take some time, but you will see little signs that it is working.  Good Luck.

lancet98
by Bronze Member on Jul. 2, 2013 at 10:44 PM



Quoting Anonymous:

For the past 15 years, I have suffered with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and agoraphobia.

Have you tried counseling, or medication?

Everyday when I wake up, I wonder what my day will be like and how my thoughts, brain, and body will dictate the way my day will turn out.I don't know if I ever will feel free and truly happy. Why do I have to feel like this every day of my life?

You DON'T have to feel like that every day.

Will I ever be able to go anywhere far away from my home and not panic and think I'm going to die? Will I ever be able to wake up for just one morning and not feel scared and panicky? Why can't I be normal? Why do I keep thinking that something bad is going to happen to me?

Well I think you keep having these thoughts because you aren't trying anything different to treat them.

It's only a dream that I'll be able to go on my first plane trip to see the mountains or swim in the ocean. There is a whole world out there that i will never see. The only relief I get from feeling this way is when I'm asleep. Sometimes I wish I could just sleep,for,days and days because reality and life is too hard. My anxiety and panic consume me.My husband and children are suffering also because of me. They can't live a normal life because of me. I don't think I'll ever be strong enough to win the battle of depression, anxiety, panic, and agoraphobia in my life. 

You will 'win the battle' if you try some new things to treat these illnesses.



peggles78
by on Jul. 3, 2013 at 10:08 PM

I'm sorry you feel the way you do. No, your life doesn't always have to be how it is now. Chances are these feelings of depression and anxiety won't disappear, but they can be managed. Do you have any friends or perhaps close family members that can help you get out of your house and get involved in life? That can help you keep your mind off of things. If you agoraphobia flares up too much right now when you leave the house, perhaps your friends/family can help you by little steps, leaving for short periods of time and going somewhere spacious like a park. if therapy is a financial possibility for you I would seek out help that way too. counselors have a lot of information and strategies for helping you handle your anxiety. hugs

Anonymous
by Anonymous - Original Poster on Jul. 5, 2013 at 9:24 AM

I'm married and the mom of four children. Two are grown and I have two younger ones. My husband is not much help because he struggles with his own anxiety and I think he's suffering with depression too. He keeps putting off seeking help. I try to be there for him, but when I need support, I have to try to battle feeling like this by myself. I have no other friends or family that I can turn to for support. I'm completely isolated. I have lost friends along the way because of my anxiety and agoraphobia. I don't even know how to meet new lady friends anymore. Seems the ones I do meet, the friendships don't develop. I have a hard time making friends and keeping/nurturing friendships. I don't feel like I ever fit in. 


Quoting peggles78:

I'm sorry you feel the way you do. No, your life doesn't always have to be how it is now. Chances are these feelings of depression and anxiety won't disappear, but they can be managed. Do you have any friends or perhaps close family members that can help you get out of your house and get involved in life? That can help you keep your mind off of things. If you agoraphobia flares up too much right now when you leave the house, perhaps your friends/family can help you by little steps, leaving for short periods of time and going somewhere spacious like a park. if therapy is a financial possibility for you I would seek out help that way too. counselors have a lot of information and strategies for helping you handle your anxiety. hugs



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