Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

My husband has bipolar disorder...and it's taking its toll on my life

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 5 Replies

I'm hoping some people here have bipolar or a loved one that does. My husband and I have been married 3 years. He was diagnosed last year with Bipolar Disorder I. Overall, he's a good, loving, caring guy. I love him, and I am doing my best. He has a very tough time holding jobs, and as a result, currently is without health insurance (he's had a job now almost 2 months). So at this time, he's not being treated. 

My issue is, I feel like I'm losing MY friend over it. My family had backed off some from us, and have expressed that they don't really care for him. I'm finding friends doing the same lately. The phone calls to get together are less and less. As a couple, and just for me. Around others, he's generally happy and manic, which I guess puts people off. Once he left me at a party for 2 hours, but returned. Rarely, he can be moody, but he generally is quiet when he feels moody.

I think it's unfair to avoid ME....but I understand many people think we're a package deal, so they don't deal with him if they don't deal with me.

I'm starting to feel alone in this.

I just don't know what to do. I'm hoping someone else has been here and can give me some advice. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 5, 2013 at 3:55 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-5):
brinana
by on Jul. 6, 2013 at 12:52 AM

I know how you feel. My ex-fiancee/babies daddy had some bad tendencies to him to. No one in my family liked him. period. my friends didn't care for him either.. It was hard because i just wanted everyone to get along.. We dated for 3 years off and on beacuses sometimes his attitude and how he treated me was bad. i know he had medication for depression and possible bi-polar. He couldnt keep jobs long either, he was always trying to find a new one and in between jobs seemed like forever because he would get depressed that he didn't have one. It was really hard on me when he didn't have a job because he would drink alot to keep him from being so down. but i HATED it when he did that. When my daughter was 2 1/2 months old we moved in with my sister because he couldn't find a job to support us. I felt awful not being able to live with him and be with him to try and help him through it but i needed to move back to my home town and get family help so i could afford daycare and make money for us.. He to couldn't afford his med.s and it was hard on everyone. He is an ex not because I left him but because he passed away a few weeks ago. Even though it was hard for everyone I still deeply cared for him and didn't let my family tell me different. Stay strong and try to get state help or some kind of help to afford medication. Its the best way to make everyone feel better.. I dont know if i helped you at all but at least you know your not alone.

leahbeah143
by Leah on Jul. 6, 2013 at 1:00 AM

I'm pretty sure my ex boyfriend was bipolar, and then on top of that started doing meth. It was embarrassing when he would go into these crazy episodes, so I think I kind of avoided people. If he had been diagnosed and knew that he had a problem, I probably could have been more supportive, but he blamed everyone and everything else and I couldn't handle it. It's hard for people to understand something they know nothing about. And from my experience, whenever you bring up "mental illness" people automatically think crazy. Maybe you could explain to your friends that you would like to have some girls time or something so they are understanding that he won't be there?

lucy164
by Peggy on Jul. 6, 2013 at 7:32 AM

MANY people are ignorant about psychological problems.  they never should reject you because of your husbands disease.  if you have some special friends who you want to keep friends with, maybe you could get some literature for them to read, on line or elsewhere, libraries or book stores.  there's one book called bipolar for dummies.  this could include your family as well.  i hope things change  for you and your husband.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 6, 2013 at 10:12 AM

Thank you all so much. I really, really appreciate your answers. I feel totally alone right now. 

You're right, people are very ignorant about mental illness. I find that when I do take the time to explain, people are a bit more understanding, but some still avoid us anyway.

I try to tell myself that true friends understand and are forgiving, but it doesn't always work that way.

I want to be supportive, I want to help him, and I know marriage vows say "in sickness and in health", but it's very difficult not to resent him sometimes. We have a 3 year old daughter, so I worry about the impact on her.

Thank you again for taking the time to answer me.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 6, 2013 at 10:14 AM

I am so sorry for your loss!! It does sound a bit like my husband. It's so hard to find help without insurance insurane and g my insurance costs way too much to put him on it.

Quoting brinana:

I know how you feel. My ex-fiancee/babies daddy had some bad tendencies to him to. No one in my family liked him. period. my friends didn't care for him either.. It was hard because i just wanted everyone to get along.. We dated for 3 years off and on beacuses sometimes his attitude and how he treated me was bad. i know he had medication for depression and possible bi-polar. He couldnt keep jobs long either, he was always trying to find a new one and in between jobs seemed like forever because he would get depressed that he didn't have one. It was really hard on me when he didn't have a job because he would drink alot to keep him from being so down. but i HATED it when he did that. When my daughter was 2 1/2 months old we moved in with my sister because he couldn't find a job to support us. I felt awful not being able to live with him and be with him to try and help him through it but i needed to move back to my home town and get family help so i could afford daycare and make money for us.. He to couldn't afford his med.s and it was hard on everyone. He is an ex not because I left him but because he passed away a few weeks ago. Even though it was hard for everyone I still deeply cared for him and didn't let my family tell me different. Stay strong and try to get state help or some kind of help to afford medication. Its the best way to make everyone feel better.. I dont know if i helped you at all but at least you know your not alone.



Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)