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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

The Decision that could have changed so many lives.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 9 Replies
I struggle with my decision to not give my daughter up for adoption. I love her so much. she is my whole world. but ... she deserves better than what i can ever give her. her dad is consistently in and out of her life by his choice. and i have always struggled with depression. so my daughter is stuck with a depressed mom and a deadbeat dad. she deserves a family. where the mom and dad are both in her life and are both stable. i yell too much and don't make enough time for her. my parents help but they weren't good parents to me so what is that saying about how they are with her yeah some people change but most don't. i love them for trying to help but she still deserves way better and i could have gave it to her. i had picked a good family. but when it came down to it ... i just couldn't do it. i was to selfish. i wanted her for myself and now when ever i yell at her or when i cant get her something she wants or when her dad doesn't show up when he says he will ... i hate myself of not doing the right thing for my little girl.
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 25, 2013 at 3:58 AM
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Replies (1-9):
lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 7:14 AM

 maybe it was the right thing to keep her. you might not have everything in the world to give her but you are giving her a mom and you are giving her love. just do the best you can and things will turn out alright. have you thought about getting a big sister for her? check  in your area for what types of programs are available to you and your daughter.

lancet98
by Bronze Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 7:34 AM

It's best if you run the idea past a social worker who has a lot of experience in this area.

The reason is this - depression very often causes people to think the situation is much worse than it is, and that it's totally hopeless.

My basic view of it is that kids are usually better off staying with their parents.    When are they not better off?   When they are saying they need to be somewhere else (keeping in mind that some kids do that every time they are told it's bedtime or time to turn off the xbox...), when they are physically endangered, when the parents are using drugs or alcohol to excess, when they are showing signs of illness the parent can not cope with or provide care for, when the parent can't provide food, clothing, shelter.

You can do something about yelling at her.   You don't have to yell at her just because you have depression.

For one thing, if you are yelling all the time, your depression is probably inadequately treated.  Depression often leads to irritability and yelling.   Basically because depression makes people think everything is a total disaster - it kinda exaggerates everything.

You might not be willing to get adequate help for depression, just for yourself.   But you might do it for your daughter's sake.....

whosman
by on Jul. 25, 2013 at 7:41 AM
1 mom liked this

Sweety,

Your her Mom, she needs her Mom. Check to see if they have any free or low cost counseling in the area. Maybe you need to switch your medicine if your on any. It will be o.k. depression is an evil monster that devours families!! I don't know what your faith is, but I know that seeking God did help me. I know that sounds stupid, but praying does help for me. I wish you all the best for you and your little girl. I will pray for you! Wendy

 

Rosebud333776
by Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 8:26 AM
I agree with others responses. How old is she? No matter what age she is, she is attached to you. You can improve the yelling. a couple of
Things may help. 1. Getting adequate help for yr depression. 2. Parenting classes and play groups. Your situation reminds me so much of mine when i had my first child 24 yrs ago. I would have regreted giving her up, especially with us being attached to each other. I understand that feeling of inadequacey especially when you are alone. Things will get better and you will feel stronger. Try to make friends with others in maybe a playgrp where there are peers in which you can share with.
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deltathree
by Gold Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 10:06 AM

hugs

seaturtle1
by Bronze Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 2:21 PM
I am so sorry you feel this way. I have been so sick since my son came into the world. I have a virus that cannot be cured. most days like today I cannot even get up and play with him. I feel so bad when he askes me to play and I say sorry mom is to sick. He asked me today to go to a local store that has a train set kids can play with. I told him no we have to stay home today. He just keeps saying why why not. It brakes my heart. I feel he deserves a better mom or life. My husband is great but works long hours far away. So he can only help on the weekends. I say all of this to let you know everyone has something wrong. We all even if we are healthy and normal want better for our kids. Even if I was strong enough to take my son out we have no money to buy him anything. And that makes me sad because he is such a good kid and deserves a treat. Do not be so hard on yourself we all wish better for our kids.
mamalena137
by Member on Jul. 25, 2013 at 5:35 PM

Sweetie, I know I've been in that situation many times. In fact I almost gave my son up for adoption but the moment I saw him I fell in love with him. I do go through times where I feel like he would be better with someone else. We have to remember, kids don't come with a manual so we all have to learn as we go. I hope you feel better. Maybe talk to a counselor, just remember to always tell her you love her. She might not have everything she wants but a mother's love can go a long ways. hugs

lancet98
by Bronze Member on Jul. 26, 2013 at 7:24 PM

Fact is, your children ALL are better off - with you.

Not going to the train store is something that a kid can handle (especially if 'but mommeeee - whyeeee....' will get him some ice cream!!!!).

I don't know about anyone else but whenever I can't do something they want, it's time for a story, some ice cream, or something else fun.   Kids don't mind as long as it's SOMETHING nice.

leahbeah143
by Leah on Jul. 26, 2013 at 9:11 PM

 *hugs*

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