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Just a rambling vent...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 5 Replies

I just need to vent... This will probably be all over the place & you don't have to read it if you don't want to, I just want to get it out.


I feel like such a failure. I'm so depressed and nobody understands or takes the time to realize how I feel. I'm 24 with a 2yr old beautiful daughter who is an absolute angel, I feel so blessed to have her but I often wonder why I deserve such a wonderful baby. We live with my mom, stepdad, and little sister. We get treated so unfairly here. Well I do at least. My little sister(12) does no wrong! I really do think that all I'm good for to my family is my daughter. I graduated from school a month ago... I have searched and searched and searched for a job but since I'm not licensed I haven't been hired... Yet other girls I graduated with had an amazing job before school was even over! I can't take my exam to become licensed because I don't have money to pay for both exams($70ea). I keep getting nagged by family about finding a job... Nobody sees that I've been busting my ASS trying to find one. I've turned in my resume to over 9 places. I'm so ready to begin my career and save money and get the hell out of here. I'm ready to start providing an amazing future for my sweet baby... She deserves it so much. I feel like I'm failing her and all I do is just cry and cry. I can't take this anymore. I feel like everything I did to try and change our future was for NOTHING. All I want to do is lay in bed & sleep & cry. I thought I was on the right road but I guess I was wrong. 


Another thing that's weighing heavily on my mind is the relationship(or lack of) I have with my mom. Ever since my stepdad has entered the picture almost 15yrs ago, she hasn't been the same. She stopped coming to my games, my recitals, whatever I was involved in. She's never been interested in anything I do. She never says she's proud of me. She's never been there for me. We don't have that close mother/daughter relationship... My little sister is adopted, and they are very close. She goes to her games, practices, school programs, whatever.

I keep to myself while I'm here. I don't talk to anyone. I take care of my daughter & that's that. I'm so very thankful that I have my baby. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I promised myself & my unborn child that we would have a different relationship than I do with my mother. I promise I will always be there for my baby. She's already my best friend, and nothing will ever change that. I will be that mom who participates in her school stuff, I will always go to her practices/games/recitals of whatever it is she wants to do. I will always be there! DD is my pride & joy.

I wish I could pack us up & go far away... Not have to worry about anyone, do our own thing. I can't wait for that day we move out of here and pretty much don't have to worry about anyone else. I'm working so hard for that & it's been very discouraging for me :(

Sorry for the long randomness... It's one of those days where I'm feeling so down & wish for a break in life.

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 27, 2013 at 2:08 PM
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Replies (1-5):
chellabella0312
by on Aug. 27, 2013 at 3:49 PM
2 moms liked this

"Fake it till you Make it" <--- my dad's famous advice

Listen here lady. You are not a failure in any such way or form. You deserve that wonderful baby - because honey, you're the one who created her. God gives us challenges-just gotta beat the challenges. Take any stinking job you can find-even if you only work for 2 weeks, you'll have money to take your licensing tests! and the fact that you took any job -- shows that you are willing to do whtaever it takes to get your life together. Now, when you quit this little meaningless job - put two weeks in. leave on good terms -- recommendations from previous employers speak LOADS to future employer's and even banks for house mortgages or apartments. Slap a smile on your face and focus on your baby and the future. Smile at your family. Nod and acknowledge them, but don't argue, don't get lured into drama-and don't create it for yourself. You need to be happy with yourself -because you're only stuck with yourself forever and ever.

I too have a rough relationship with my mom. I was much closer to  my dad - but he passed away last January. Talk about throwing a wrench into post partum depression! I had my baby - very traumatic birth experience along with a NICU stay for the baby, and a long hospital stay for me---then my father, my best friend, my mentor passed away. 


Message me please. We should talk. 

Hang in there girl - keep your head up, and remember - we are never given any obstacle we cannot conquer.

-Chellabella

Red783
by on Aug. 27, 2013 at 3:59 PM
1 mom liked this

This woman said everything perfectly!!! Good luck! You can make it! :)


Quoting chellabella0312:

"Fake it till you Make it" <--- my dad's famous advice

Listen here lady. You are not a failure in any such way or form. You deserve that wonderful baby - because honey, you're the one who created her. God gives us challenges-just gotta beat the challenges. Take any stinking job you can find-even if you only work for 2 weeks, you'll have money to take your licensing tests! and the fact that you took any job -- shows that you are willing to do whtaever it takes to get your life together. Now, when you quit this little meaningless job - put two weeks in. leave on good terms -- recommendations from previous employers speak LOADS to future employer's and even banks for house mortgages or apartments. Slap a smile on your face and focus on your baby and the future. Smile at your family. Nod and acknowledge them, but don't argue, don't get lured into drama-and don't create it for yourself. You need to be happy with yourself -because you're only stuck with yourself forever and ever.

I too have a rough relationship with my mom. I was much closer to  my dad - but he passed away last January. Talk about throwing a wrench into post partum depression! I had my baby - very traumatic birth experience along with a NICU stay for the baby, and a long hospital stay for me---then my father, my best friend, my mentor passed away. 


Message me please. We should talk. 

Hang in there girl - keep your head up, and remember - we are never given any obstacle we cannot conquer.

-Chellabella



Serenity7
by Silver Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 3:24 PM

 Vent anytime

KenneMaw
by Member on Aug. 29, 2013 at 3:33 PM

The 1st momma was right on the money.  You are not a failure.  You deserve that wonderful child and the relationship you have with her.  God let her pick any momma to have and she picked YOU!!   I know it is so hard to be doing the right things and then have things not work out.  It is so hard to keep on going, but you do.  You get up, put a smile on your face and try again for yourself and for your child.   Get a any type of job so you can save up that $$.  Is there anyway your mom would loan it to you - have you asked? 

I am going to go out on a limb here and I could be wrong, but I wonder if your mother might feel the same way - like she has failed you?   Your little sister is her 2nd chance to do it 'right?   We knew a girl with a home life very similar to yours.  However, she let her parents adopt her baby.  Those grandparents/parents did EVERYTHING for the baby because they felt so guilty for not being good parents to their daughter.  

Please remember - you are a good mom, a good person, a strong person.   We are here anytime you need to vent :-)

fairchildmama
by on Aug. 29, 2013 at 3:53 PM
1 mom liked this

i understand where you are coming from. i graduated for massage therapy and i cant get a job for the same reasons, not licensed or do i have the money to pay for it. I looked into my resources that were available to me and I know that at job and family services there is usually someone there that handles helping those who have an education but need help getting that job. I know that they offered to pay for me to take the test but now i have to brush up on everything since its been so long and 3 kids later. (long story in itself why it took a long time). I agree as well even if its a crappy job it could be your means to an end. 

I would also look into maybe some assistance. it doesnt make you any less of a person and your doing it for your daughter that way you can get into a healthier enviorment where it is you and baby girl. i know it was very rocky with my mom with my 2 pregnancy's. she was telling me to get an abortion blah blah (gran-nit she loves her grand babies to the moon and back) but it hurt the lack of support and wanting to be there for me. my dad passed away so i had no family really to turn too. with my last pregnancy she realized hey she can do it she is trying and she is a damn good mom so hopefully you both will have a relationship, id even talk to her tell her how you feel or maybe family counseling?

as far as you feel like your not worthy, i deal with dailey i learned now i have a personality disorder and theres times i feel like a horrible mom because i cant control it and that my kids have to see it. i just tell myself atleast im getting help and im very honest with my kids. they are 4 3 and 15mo and i know they dont completly understand everything i say but they just look at me and say mom its not your fault we love you and give me hugs and i realize thats my purpose thats why God granted me with these amazing little people. they are truely my rock without them i wouldnt have a need to get up in the morning and i know i may not be the best mom i feel i can be and that they deserve so much better but i also tell myself "damnit vanessa you know good and well you are not the worst mom out there" your baby girl is so lucky to have such a dedicated mother and one who is wanted to push for that life you both deserve. i really hope that things look up for you and i will send positive thoughts your way. when your feeling blue just remember the picture i posted because really it helps. i have had to do that many times these past couple days. 

if you ever want to just rant or talk we are all here and feel free to email me.

hey maybe if we are the same area we can have play dates because lord knows i need more mom friends since my kidless friends kind of just drifted away i pretty much keep to myself and really talk to 4 close people that i have who actually dont care if i cant go out bc they will come over really actually i think just to see the kids. wow...hah i feel like a loser now =) 

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