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Depression Support Center Depression Support Center

Can't Handle it

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 6 Replies

I feel like I am losing my mind. Everything is going wrong. Someone keeps stealing our things (neighbor) we lost our car because the place we got it from suddenly decided they weren't going to take our payments anymore. I have no one to talk to. My MIL thinks I am the devil because of my beliefs, and she feels I am going to ruin my daughters life. I am terrified my husband is unfaithful. I might be getting kicked out of college and apparently it costs over 2000 dollars to take two retake classes ONLINE! I don't have a job because no one wants a young nanny even though I have been with two preschools and nannied twice before. My step daughters mom is making it her mission in life to make our life a living H***. I have been battling an addiction to self harm for going on 6 years now and all I can think about is that razor in the bathroom. I am seriously struggling right now and I have no real friends. Best part is I can't get depression meds because my husband makes too much but we can barely afford our pills let alone insurance to go to the doctor (hubby doesn't get his benifits until he has been working there a year its been 4 months)  I am really worried that I will fall back into harming and I have been fighting it for years with only one relapse since i quit. Don't get me wrong I don't want to die. My daughter needs me. I know that. I want the peace from the endorphans that are released after you get hurt. That is my addiction. 

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 29, 2013 at 6:41 PM
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Replies (1-6):
leahbeah143
by Leah on Aug. 29, 2013 at 8:35 PM

*hugs* 

how can the dealership just take your car if you've been making payments on it? that doesn't even sound legal. 

as for everything else, take some deep breaths - everything will work out.

lyrick24
by Ruby Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 5:53 AM

 pleasedont cut. see if you can get on one of the cheaper meds that walmart offers for 4 dollars per month. just get in touch with them and find out what they are. your dr may know. if youre not seeing a dr i would def. start your insurance should cover most of it. they cant legally take your car if you are making payments on it. i would check into that. try to hang in there in school.

lucy164
by Platinum Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 8:38 AM

wow!  I'm sorry you have so many tough things to deal with right now.  lyric had good advice for you about walmart for your meds.  MIL's can be pains in the a**.  ignore her.  you know how to raise your daughter.  your mind is probably going a million miles an hour over all this.  maybe that's why you're afraid that your husband is unfaithful.  he probably isn't.  call you state'hugss attorney general about the car.  something is wrong there.  self harming is something i don't really understand, but think about what your daughter would think if she knew about it.  you could get an infection by doing this and your self esteem would suffer also.  your step daughters mom is a jerk.  try to realize that she has mental problems or she wouldn't be like that.  i wish you well in dealing with these issues.g

lancet98
by Bronze Member on Aug. 30, 2013 at 1:24 PM

There is always a way to get help.   Your county offers treatment on a sliding scale, based on income, many companies will provide medication for free to those who can't pay.   And quite often other expenses can be dealt with in a different way freeing up more for treatment.

And ah- self injury does not release endorphins.   It is a sign of depression and in some people, a disassociative disorder (when cutting is not pain-producing or seems to relieve pain, that is what is happening).

You can stop it, you have succeeded at this before.   That you have done so without adequate treatment for depression is nothing short of stunning.   You have my admiration, you clearly have an iron will and great determination to be there for your child, but please get help.  

What you're doing is expecting yourself to be superhuman, like the guy who lifts a car off his child.   You can't just keep holding that whole car up forever!  You're putting yourself under a superhuman expectation.   If you need help, just get it.

And that is what this means.  You just need some help.   Things will need some re-arranging in order to get and afford that help, please go ahead and make those changes, get the help you need.

PaCowgirl
by on Aug. 31, 2013 at 5:57 PM

Please don't cut yourself, you know it's not right that's why you're trying to get help..I know it's not easy to,fight addiction of any kind.. We're all here for you though.

2stressed
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 12:35 AM

I know what you mean about the cutting, but the "feeling" is short lived.  I don't know how old your daughter is, but she will either see the cut or the scars eventually.  i am still dealing with answering my children about my scars and the excuses are not working as well.  You are an amazing person to be doing so well without meds.  Definitely get ahold of the manufacturer of the med or find a cheaper med. though.

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