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Part of my depression - vent

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 16 Replies

So I have figured out that part of my depression stems from having to re-configure my life around the "loss" of things due to my lupus and fibro. I can't go spend the day at the beach anymore, or go walk around the zoo all day with my kids. I can't even work anymore. I can handle these changes.  What I can't adjust to is the fact that for well over 2 years I have wanted to have another child (my youngest is 4) and my dh had been adament that he is done. I have 1 (shes 6) from a previous relationship, then my 4 yr old with my dh. When we talked about kids he never gave me a cut off number. Just always said we would discuss it as it came up. Well, for 2 years he has completely shut me down. Anytime I bring it up, he says I can have as many more kids as I want, it just won't be with him because he's done. Hes 27 and wants to go back to school. Thats great! But he says if we have another child he wouldn't be able to go to school. I just don't see it. I am the one who is the stay at home parent taking care of the kids. I don't know if I am more hurt or angry with him for the fact that he won't even talk to me about it. And the few times in the past 2 years that he has "talked" its literally been to tell me to go out and have fun. I can keep having kids, just not his because hes done. I almost slapped him across the face for that. I just looked at him and started crying. I told him that was probably one of the worst things he has ever said to me. I told him that I would not walk out because of this. But I would walk out because he was being an ass, and because he refused to communicate with me (something we have always had issues with).

Rant over. If you made it this far thanks for listening. I really just needed to get that out. I don't even know if it makes any sense.

Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 2, 2013 at 12:18 AM
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Replies (1-10):
leahbeah143
by Leah on Sep. 2, 2013 at 12:26 AM

 *hugs*

I'm sorry your dh is being so mean about it.

happymama96
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 12:30 AM

I am so sorry your DH is being so mean. I understand being in pain all the time and having to deal with depression. Hugs

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 2, 2013 at 12:31 AM

So am I. He hasn't been nice, then again neither have I. With the depression I tend to lash out randomly. It's like I have a lightswitch in my head that go on and off on its own. I will be fine and content one min and then the next I am either sad and crying or I am angry and screaming. He definately hasn't had it easy lately, but in part it is his fault because he is just being a stubborn jerk. He refuses to even tell me why he is so stuck on the fact that he's done. I feel in every part of my being that I am not done. I want a son more than anything in this whole world. He knows this. Yet, he just won't talk to me about it. Ugh!!!

Quoting leahbeah143:

 *hugs*

I'm sorry your dh is being so mean about it.

 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 2, 2013 at 12:34 AM

 Thanks. as I told the other poster, we both haven't been nice to each other. I would like to think that this is just his response to me lashing out. However I actually have a medical reason to be doing so. He doesn't. I just wish he would talk to me instead of doing what he is doing.

Quoting happymama96:

I am so sorry your DH is being so mean. I understand being in pain all the time and having to deal with depression. Hugs

 

lyrick24
by Group Admin on Sep. 2, 2013 at 7:18 AM

 do you think that after he goes to school and possibly gets more financially stable he may consider another child?

lucy164
by Peggy on Sep. 2, 2013 at 7:37 AM

it makes sense to me.  my daughter's ex husband, refused to let her have another baby.  they have one daughter.  eventually she left him for this reason.  what your husband said to you was unspeakably mean.

elwalters77
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 7:38 AM
I have been there. It is not easy. Hugs.
elwalters77
by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 7:42 AM
I seriously considered leaving mine for the same reason. Before we married we agreed to 2 if they were opposite sex and 3 if the first two were the same sex. Then after the first he said he didn't want anymore! Well, after saying I didn't know if I could stay in the marriage and him realizing how unfair it was to take that away from me when we had agreed upon it he finally came around. We have 2 beautiful boys now but I doubt we will ever try for a third. It's hard but I try to accept it and at least knew going into it this time that he could be my last. But I don't give up that glimmer of hope. :) good luck to you.

Quoting lucy164:

it makes sense to me.  my daughter's ex husband, refused to let her have another baby.  they have one daughter.  eventually she left him for this reason.  what your husband said to you was unspeakably mean.

rosiemendo
by Bronze Member on Sep. 2, 2013 at 7:52 AM

Yes, it makes sense and you do not have to thank us for listening.  That is what this support group and others are all about.  Your husband is insensitive as are a lot of guys.  I'm not defending him, but communication has never been easy with my husband after 34 years and many trials and tribulations.  After I had a nervous breakdown for many issues (his cheating is one of them), I made the decision to stay with him.  Communication has and always will be an issue with us.  However, I see a counselor regularly who is working with me on changing the things I can (like my reactions and responses) and accepting the things I cannot change (like his lying and sometimes downright stupidity).  I'm 58 years young; your are in your 20's I assume?  Don't do anything rash without exploring all options.  Do what's right for you and your children.  In the meantime, there are plenty of good listeners here!  Good luck...... with hugs!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 2, 2013 at 10:18 AM
I honestly dont know. I am not saying to get pregnant right this second, but it is something i want in the next 2 years. All i am asking from him really is communication about it, not just a straight shut down. Especially when i feel with every part of me that im not done having children. If he could tell me this is how he feels we could discuss it! Im open to negotiations over here. But its like talking to a brick wall. Which of course makes me think stupid things like he just doesnt care about me and stuff along those lines when he shuts down.

Quoting lyrick24:

 do you think that after he goes to school and possibly gets more financially stable he may consider another child?

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