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Deeply Depressed

Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies

Seriously depressed, and have been for YEARS and not sure what to do anymore.

Not showering, wanting to sleep and have no desire to do anything, don't want to be around anyone, not hungry to binge eating

I go to work and I should receive an Oscar for the acting that I do while at work. 

I just don't care about my house, I do laundry because that is necessity, I may cook once a week then I won't clean the kitchen for several days afterward. I just rinse it all off and stack in sink (dishwasher broken).  I feel so bad for my husband that he has such a horrible wife right now. Well actually it's been years now. I don't dust, mop or vacuum. I may do all this every other month once I get so disgusted and I will do a cleaning spree.  He will help me and he doesn't give me a hard time he knows that I am going thorugh something. He loves me ans gives me constant reassurance. 

I don't care about it because we never have anyone over. So who cares what it looks like, I mean it's picked up and neat looking but entertainment center and hutch are not dusted floors need vacuuming etc.. 

At work I am just the opposite my desk is spotless, my papework is done and my work is done. I joke and laugh with my co-workers and I am great with the patients who come into the office. It's all an act, after we talk I couldn't even tell you what they said, I'm there but not present! This is the way I feel, I am here taking up space but not really present.  And I can't wait for the day to end so I can get home in my pj and sit on sofa or get in the bed.

I went to counseling a couple of years ago and I was even put on medication but after a few months of was taken off the medication because I had no emotions and my counselor retired, she gave me her personal # and told me she would still see some clients when needed but I don't want to bother her she retired! I don't want to go to anyone else either.... 

I really know that I need to pull myself from this but it has become my life and I don't how to change it.

Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 2, 2013 at 10:48 AM
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by Group Admin on Sep. 2, 2013 at 11:35 AM

 i can relate to alot of what you are saying. my meds dont seem to be helping me and all i do is sit in a chair or lay in the bed. i dont want to shower and go days without it. i dont clean house, my husband does it. i dont know how you work but i think it is good that you do. i also worked in the medical field and couldnt remember a thing after i talked to a pt or their family member. i do see a dr and she has said she wants to change my meds but i am afraid. you do need to make an appt with anoyher counselor and see if they can help you. you just might find the meds that will work for you.

by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 1:02 PM
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Maybe its time to find a new therapist. It sucks your old one retired. I've been through many therapists and have been able to make connections with different ones.  A therapist would also be able to determine if you need to see a psych doc for meds.  Its great your husband is supportive.

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 2, 2013 at 2:57 PM

i thank GOD for my job, if i didn't have that to force me outta bed then i prob would never get up at all!! 

i know i need to find a new counselor but i really connected with the last one and she was so amazing and i hate having to start all over... 

i may call her, she will do a 15min call, then maybe i can see if she will see me or can refer me to a friend of hers or something and can give them my history so i don't feel like i am starting from 0.

i know it is just all this uncertainty with our infertility and feeling like GOD doesn't want me to be a mother and what will i do with the rest of my life if i can't become a mom.

i joined this site to get support from others having trying to conceive issues and then in hope of becoming a mom and joining others and get advice and tips. but it may not happen for us.

by Leah on Sep. 2, 2013 at 3:45 PM
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 I don't think I would get out of bed if I didn't have to get up and go to work either. Once I get to work I fake it til I make it - til it's time to go home.

by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 7:08 PM

Sounds like you work too hard and much . I am now disabled and live in my pjs . Between 12 hr shifts ,the boys football games ,cooking ,cleaning and regular family drama ,my off days were pushed to the limit . You and your man need to take a vacation . 

by on Sep. 2, 2013 at 10:00 PM

Hope you find help...


by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 3, 2013 at 7:24 PM

I would love a vacation for 2 weeks LOL I actually don't work that much, 32 hours a week, 4 day week. I work for a dentist but it is very busy family practice and I handle all the insurance and all the collections and the scheduling so all the stressful aspects of dealing with patients & their money!!! LOL So at the end of the day I am so stressed out dealing with the financial aspects of the office. Right now I have a massive headache! And I couldn't tell you what any one person said to me today even though I had about a million conversations!! 

I picked up dinner on the way home instead of going with one of my co-workers to the gym (yay got out of it) and now I am in pj on sofa with a blanket!! My fav place in the world!!! LOL 

I really want to get out of this haze I am in...  I can't wait to get home to my bubble when I am outside of it!!

by Member on Sep. 3, 2013 at 10:20 PM

I know all about being depressed because of will get through this and come out on the other side of this long dark tunnel...I did...I have been a mom for 15 years now , the mom of 2 teens adopted and one biological!  I went to a counselor who dealt with infertility issues, and she gave my husband and I the courage to adopt.  Later on, I found out that I was pregnant...after 6 years of trying and going to specialists...  also Resolve, Inc.  (online)  is a support group that also has local chapters/ meetings and helps people going through infertility and how to resolve it.  Both the infertility counselor and Resolve, Inc. were invaluable to me and my husband.  I became very depressed, and the counselor put me on antidepressants to help me through dealing with and resolving infertility issues I was facing.  I wish you good luck, and I will be praying for you.

by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 4, 2013 at 5:40 PM

Thank you so much!!! I will look into that support group!!! I have an appt on Friday with my Dr to get on some meds and I still need to sch a counseling appt. 

by Silver Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 5:59 PM

When I was deeply depressed I went through a few different docs and different meds before getting it right. It took a couple of years to pull me out of it. My husband did research and realized that I needed to see a REALLY reputable dr at University of Pennsylvania. She saved my life. You need to keep looking for someone really good and find the right meds....Of course, therapy helps too.

Oh, I think Zoloft made me feel nothing but I don't feel like that on my current meds!

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