It's over but.. I've got to do what's best for us
It isn't wrong to miss the one you gave your heart to. Even though they've done so much wrong.. I haven't seen him face to face since he "got out". But I do miss him. Every now and then, I'd feel strong and empowered, that I'm better off, that WE are. But now and then I do feel a bit sad, worried about him; like I miss him or at least the few good times or when he would be a person. Maybe I'm just sad about how it turned out? How we're so far when it felt like we were so close at one point. I'm just typing off a little right now. He dropped off a box of clothes and messaged me how he missed being able to talk to me and touch my belly.. Because of past lies and the unstable behaviours I'm not sure how to interpret that. He hasn't called today but up until yesterday it was nonstop calling.. I do want to answer.. Sometimes.. But I like to show that I'm strong to everyone around. I don't want him to think just because I answer, I'm going to go back to how it was before where I take it all. I can't and refuse to go through that again. And furthermore to put our baby through that? It isn't right. Wouldn't be right. I've tried to get him out of the hole he's dug himself into.. Now all I can do is pray for him.. Pray he gets better.. Pray he understands why I'm giving the cold shoulder as much as I can.. Pray that.. That he'll be okay. Safe.. Safe even though he's around so much danger and welcomes it so much like a home.
I've got to do what's best for us.