Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Suffering a Long Time

Posted by on Sep. 29, 2013 at 2:24 PM
  • 12 Replies
I am new to all of this, but I really need to do this. Almost 13 years ago I was 6 months pregnant. Went in for monthly check up, and no heartbeat. Later that nite I found myself in the hospital delivering my first daughter (3rd child), and 2 days later a funeral ensued. I thought for many years that I was dealing with it. Now I realize I wasn't and im still not. I carry a lot of guilt and self blame for her death. This morning my friend asked me how her death was my fault. and all I could say was.... I couldn't give her life. I couldn't bring her to term and keep her healthy. It was my responsibility and I failed her. I failed her, my husband and my other children, even the one who came a year later. I must figure this out for myself, so I can do right by my family. I must deal with this the right way in order to save the life I have managed to build. Im on the verge of loosing it all because im stuck in that moment 13 years ago.
by on Sep. 29, 2013 at 2:24 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
by Leah on Sep. 29, 2013 at 2:32 PM
1 mom liked this


by on Sep. 29, 2013 at 3:29 PM

I would definitely see a counselor who deals with grief they can help you process everything and move forward. Its a tragedy what happened but its not your fault.

by on Sep. 29, 2013 at 5:47 PM

 hunny miscarriages is hard enough without blamming yourself

by Silver Member on Sep. 29, 2013 at 6:20 PM

 Have you spoken to a therapist sounds like you could use some grieve counselling.

by on Sep. 29, 2013 at 7:50 PM


by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 8:00 AM

Its not your fault !!!! Sometimes things like this happen , I know that doesn't make it any better. I agree with the grief counseling, maybe some support groups as well. I am so sorry that you had to experience this sort of loss.

by Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 1:40 PM
1 mom liked this

I am so very very sorry for your loss.   the same thing happened to me 16 years ago with my first child and I was 38 weeks.  I went in for a regular visit and no heartbeat and no reason why it happened.     I think you really have to say out loud and even write it down - you are NOT at fault.   You didn't do anything on purpose.   We are so hard on ourselves - harder than anyone else could ever be.   It took me a long time to accept our loss and to this day, I still think of what she would be like.   However, in my heart, I know something in nature just happened.   There isn't anything or anyone to blame.  sometimes bad stuff just happens.   We look so hard for a reason, but often there isn't one. 

One of the best things that helped me was an online support group for infant loss, stillbirth, it called Share Atlanta ( and I think there are other locations in other cities.  These are some of the best women I ever talked to.   they have all walked this path, sometimes many times over and they are survived.   they site and group offers counseling, ways to memorialize the baby, etc....    I talked to them constantly when I was preg with my 2nd child and it was live saving.    You need to reach out and let this all go.  YOu can't keep this bottled up and deal with it alone and you shouldn't have to.   Other people, like your DH, kids, families, etc..may not understand your pain, that is why it is SO comforting to talk to other women who have been through this and find out how they coped.   

I wish I was there to give you a big hug and assure you everythign will be OK.  YOu said you have made a good life and that is SO great!     I am so proud that you haven't let this loss stop you, but you can't keep beating yourself up.   Your baby woudln't want you to do that.  YOu don't deserve eternal punishment.   You are a good person, loving mother and wife.   Please reach out and let someone help you.  

by Member on Sep. 30, 2013 at 2:19 PM
1 mom liked this

hugs it might help to talk to someone. losing your babygirl is NOT your fault, I am so so sorry for your loss

by Anonymous 1 on Sep. 30, 2013 at 4:57 PM

My two friends went through this. I am praying for you but please get therapy. 

by on Sep. 30, 2013 at 5:31 PM
1 mom liked this

There is also "Compassionate Friends" for parents who have suffered the loss of a child.  See if there is a local support group in your area.  IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!   Keep repeating that.  Take care of yourself and your hug

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)